I'm not ashamed of my feelings.
I'm in love with all this anger,
obsessed with this depression,
crazy about my anxiety.

I'm not ashamed of my hatred,
the way it boils up inside of me,
the way it bubbles and spills over.
I hate politics,
I hate race,
I hate religion.
I don't discriminate.
I hate everyone equally.
We are all worthless,
robots with a pulse.
We are all equally worthless,
none of us special,
all of us the same,
dying each and every day,
one at a time.

I'm not ashamed of what I think.
I'm not lost in a world of new technology,
I'm not a teenager with silly problems,
I'm not suicidal,
simply because I wonder
what it would feel like
to taste the metal of a gun
in my mouth.
I'm not a *****,
simply because I enjoy ***.
I'm not eternally ******.
I'm not worried about
heaven or hell.
I'm not worried about death,
sweet release that it is.

I'm not afraid of these things,
these thoughts and feelings.
I'm not a dreamer
and I'm not a realist.
I'm lodged in the logistics
of culture and society.
I'm free falling
between atheism and existentialism.
Hate me for not believing
in God or humanity.
Hate me for loving only myself.
Hate me for saying
what you have probably felt
but never actually said.
Hate me.
I dare you.

I feel with my brain
And think with my heart,
I graph palpitations and love with a chart,
I smile with my eyes
and speak with my hands,
I cry a lot
and make demands,
The way the sun shines makes me shiver,
Towards the clouds my bow and arrow quiver,
I blow off friends
And ignore people,
I turn my back on the church steeple,
I lay still while the world spins,
I lose while everyone wins.

I’m running down the south side,
Looking for the north side,
Fixating my vital signs
On you.
Running across the train tracks,
Sprinting through the street names,
Trying to find the highway,
Plugging in my old thoughts,
Listening to the way I feel
About you.
People are passing by me,
Trying to get in my way,
But there is no easy way
To find the words I want to say
To you.
Everything is black and white,
I can’t do anything but run,
So I’ll keep on running
Away from you.

a hawk is flying overhead watch him from my deathbed a single rose out in the grass pink as a sunset and pretty like glass i am underground but can still hear the crowd coyote waiting on the hill sitting on the windowsill teeth big and bright like fire eyes screaming with desire always giving never taking full of doubts and debating why should i feel this way why sit down and try to pray worthless girl that i am short of love but not demand always pushing always pulling never stopping never going am i sick am i ugly i am quick but i am struggling ******* hole in my chest proudly displayed on my breast but i am human

I give you everything,
I say no more,
You leave me standing by the door.
I want to stay,
I want to fight,
But you won’t listen to my plight.
I leave the light on,
I go to bed,
Thoughts of you churn round my head.
I feel empty,
I feel sick,
You turn me off with a click.
I’ve given up,
I’ve hit dawn,
But you won’t miss me when I’m gone.