And maybe I'm afraid.
Afraid of so many things.
I'm afraid of letting someone in,
afraid that I'll be torn up from the inside again.

But I let you in.

And I shouldn't have expected anything different

But I did.

It was worse than before though.
I just don't know why.

Maybe it was your smile,
or the sound of your voice
when you lied
and said you would never hurt me.

Funny thing is
I'd heard those words before,
but when you spoke them it was as if they were in a different language,
one I didn't understand.

*And so I believed you.

1:48am.
I'm wide awake
and I shouldn't be.
Thoughts of you run endlessly through my mind
and I can't possibly shut my eyes when you're so close to me.
I've only gotten about half an hour of sleep and my eyes burn
but my mind soldiers on.

1:50am.
All I want is you here,
really here.
Not just in my head
but at the very end of my fingertips.
Where I can
breathe
you
in.

1:58am.
But I'm breathing you out, you should be fading - but you don't.
Your voice.
Your hands.
Your piercing blue eyes.
Your lips.

You.

You.

You.

You.

5am.*
Where  did  the  time  go?

You fell in love with me.

I just hope you jumped.
Not slipped.

When you look at me
I'm not sure I understand what your eyes are trying to tell me.
But
Please don't stop looking at me
because I'm afraid I'll stop trying to understand.

When you stand so close to me
my knees turn to water.
But
Please come a little closer,
the distance between us
makes them weak anyway.

When you speak
the butterflies in my stomach flutter wildly and seek for an escape
But
Please don't stop speaking,
when you are silent
they grow stiff and turn grey.

Please
gaze at me a little longer,
stand a little closer,
& utter words of poetry
For my heart only beats and pumps without those things.
But
with them
It starts and it stops.
Beats and thuds and flutters.
Smiles and laughs and cries.

Breathes.