Schanzé

Schanzé Jan 2014

19 January 2014

I was searching, all this time for someone who could destroy my demons, destroy the beasts that ruled from within, reason with the masters of my enslaved heart bound and gagged in their chains.

Searching, driving myself insane, seeking relief, any kind of temporary distraction.

I had been searching and searching, driven to the edge of madness, two steps from falling, crashing straight into my black abyss.

When I was pulled back, saved, barely grasped by my fingertips from my impending doom, by the realization that I was searching not for someone who could destroy my demons, But rather for someone whose demons could collide with mine, whose demons could tame and weaken the beasts within me, someone whose demons were compatible with mine.

Schanzé Nov 2013

10 November

You know that reason is unknown to this pained soul.
I once thought that you could heal my scars but you're the cause of my hands creating more.

Why are you doing this, when you're just as damaged as me?
You know exactly the pain you exert upon me.
You promised, you swore you would never make me feel like they did.
But here you are with a smile looking on at my tear stained heart.

The warning screams rippled off your flesh when we first locked eyes.
My feet were twitching ready to bolt at the command of my terrified mind.
Yet against all of my instincts and the broken heart that had been with me since day 1;

I let you in and I trusted you, I believed all your lies.
Then when you were done, and had stripped me of all that I had.

You turned and walked away without even looking back

Schanzé Nov 2013

06 November

Love ruins everything.
You see, with love comes expectation.
And sometimes you expect too much, when you don't get what you want; you learn to resent one another and with resent comes regret and with regret comes forgetting & once that starts to happen,
All you were or could have been means nothing

Schanzé Nov 2013

21 November

Every second you spend in here will be filled with pain, torment, you'll be bent out of shape with utter despair, these thoughts will drive you mad.
Please stop digging in my head, its not worth it.

Schanzé Nov 2013

Holding On

I couldn't do it, stand there and watch you walk away from me.
I know I pushed and I shoved now you're dangling on the edge holding onto my twisted string of hope.
But can't you see? I'm trying, to pull you back up but my hands are slipping.
Do you even still want me? Cause I don't feel you trying, you're like a dead weight on the end of this rope.

I told you I'm not strong enough for the both of us, so is this you hoping that I'll just let go and be strong for me?
You know I have no strength without you.
You are my strength.

I can't just let go, its not that easy.
If you go down, I'm going with you.
That's how it works.
Forever & Always remember?

Schanzé Nov 2013

War?

I guess I'm just tired, so tired of having to fight to keep you in my life.
This battle, this war, is exhausting me.
I want you here, but I don't want to have to feel like I'm fighting to keep you.
All I wanted was you, and all you gave me was your back.

Schanzé Nov 2013

Homeless

Home is where the heart is right?
Funny thing is,
my heart grew legs and walked right out with you.
I have no home.

I didn't have a choice
I didn't request that it leave with you
but it did
and now I feel empty.
Emptier than I should feel,
its only a heart right?
Only a muscle cramped up inside my chest?
Wrong. Its you.

I lost you.
You weren't my Romeo,
you are my Catherine and like Heathcliff, the pain of being without you is unutterable.
You have left me in this abyss,
and I'm reaching for you but you're not there to walk into my arms.
I cannot find you.

Whether you chose it or not
you grew onto my soul and became a part of me,
you are my Adam,
you form a part of the ribs that encase my lungs.

Its getting harder to breathe, I feel like my lungs are collapsing under some kind of imaginary weight.

The weight of you