his crown is nothing more
than a head of messy brown hair he obsesses over
and his throne is just a desk that is always right next to my own
or the driver's seat of a silver honda civic, depending on the time of day
i twist words for him in every single waking moment
with pen in the margins of my philosophy notebook,
with the little voice in my head in the crevices of my mind,
and with my fingers on all my favorite spots of his skin.
i stand at his side, day by day,
simply observing, taking note, remembering the words and the gestures and the glances
so that future generations will recall the story
of his gloriously troubled beginnings
this king, this boy that you all write off as a pretender,
a usurper
he does rule
one kingdom
one tiny, minuscule, banal, five-foot-tall-redheaded kingdom
me
and one day my king will rise
he will rise, he will conquer, and we will be victorious
he will lead this kingdom that adores him so
and i will follow him into the war
that will either break us or entwine us
because i know that his majesty won't let
his kingdom fall

i forgot how much i love
being in a loud house
where everyone runs about
taking care of their own business
your brother weaves in and out of your room
where you and I curl up on your couch
playing video games and howling like hyenas
your parents' voices sound
footsteps resonate from above our heads
as your sisters arrive home
and start their respective afternoon rituals
and i hear your mother's voice
and the pipes creaking as someone runs a sink upstairs
and your doorbell rings and it doesn't echo
all the sounds...
i stand off near the door
when you tell your father we are leaving
because this isn't my world anymore
but for some unknown reason
i feel at home

We're breaking the rules
One judge says I'm wrong
That I'm the evil mastermind concocting our crimes
One tells me it's your fault
You're the one with something to lose
but still making the mistakes
(Is it even a mistake?)
The jury stands watch from the sidelines
And they whisper the questions amongst themselves
("What are they doing?")
We stand in the center, undivided by blame and fault
We're in this together
Fingers intertwined (behind our backs)
Because the third judge is watching
Eyes like slits, she's reaching out for your hand
("Childish boy, I don't care what you want!")
But that hand, the boy who tells me of his love for October and how bored of people he is, it's all mine
You hear that? You're mine.
The judges' decrees don't mean a **** thing
When each silent look we exchange gives me more reason to fight
("Nothing, just glad I have you.")
I may have broken laws with you
but it doesn't feel as wrong
nor as beautiful
as breaking the rules

don't let yourself fall in love
with that boy who plays bass
whispers jokes that make your face go red from not being able to breathe
and immediately holds you the day you come back
don't hang onto his every word
nor take note of the way his eyes catch fire
like a sheet of paper over an open flame
every single time he tells you how much he adores to make music
don't let his mannerisms dictate you
when his arms find you on a daily basis
when you ignore the teachings about diffraction and ray diagrams
just to listen to whatever is on his wonderfully, woefully confusing mind
because soon enough
you'll be writing him poems online using a fake name
and staying up till four am
thinking about how his voice cracks and quivers when he sings seven nation army
about how excited he gets to play you something he has written
about the sideways glances he gives you when you try to get his attention
about the places his hands reside every single time he touches you
and about the way his lips tasted like starburst jelly beans and cherry pepsi on that sunny wednesday afternoon
he completely inverts your perception of the world
and now matter how much you want to
don't
fall
in
love
with
him.

i know you're hopeless
i know, because i was there
because i've felt this emptiness you're now grappling with
i know how it feels to sit alone
on the floor of your room gripping tightly to the warmest jacket you own
sobbing silently into the fabric
for fear that your mother might hear you
but spring comes again and it will be just as beautiful
as it always is
don't accept that this is your forever
the sadness will linger,
but
you
will
recover.

you make me question everything,
i thought i had it all figured out inside my little red head,
and i absolutely adore it
what takes me by surprise
is how much concern you show towards my tiny existence,
and the world has its own agenda
you hold gently onto my hand
and show me i have worth when my eyes get foggy
and i can barely hold myself up
your laughter is my medicine
sweet and sticky like cough syrup from childhood illness
but a remedy for my twisted thoughts
and when i see your face
cast down, in thought, in sadness, or just in exhaustion
i'd sell my soul to take it away
so don't let the words escape your lips:
how me simply speaking to you is more than you deserve
because you deserve, in abundance, more than the galaxy can provide

by your side
for hours at a time
and i don't know if there is actually a ceiling
or a floor

hear your words
ignore the endless hurt
and i can't see anything but your radiant eyes
shining green

feel your arms
your undeniable charms
and i wouldn't dare let go of that warmth any time soon
you're safety

say my name
just fanning the flame
and i cannot begin to touch on how i feel when you
call me love

steal my heart
ripping me apart
and i don't even see the sick world around you and i
i love this

it's just biology
this hold you have on me
the way my stomach flips
whenever you look into my eyes

it's just chemistry
this electricity we exchange
the way your fingers graze my skin
and your words tickle my ear

it's just physics
your arms wrapped around my waist
and your hands constantly on me
whenever we are together

you know it's just biology
this chemistry
between you and i

the chill of winter's wind
it crushes me smaller than i already am
and for you -- it's like magic
how you can relish it, revel in it
without a flinch or a shiver on your spine

the way you can move your hands
ever so gracefully to rearrange your hair
and the youth that consumes you
when you push it from your eyes
the eyes that reflected my silhouette in perfect clarity

the passion that absorbs you
when you tell me stories and dreams
and wishes and memories
makes my heart break and swell all at the same time

your arms encase me
even when the world exiles me
and you coerce me into smiles
in a manner to which no one can compare

your voice sounds every single day
in those words that i am careful to toss about
but you remind me
that i don't need to chase it to the ends of the earth
like i always do
and i suppose i always knew
that someday, something would lead me to you

the sanctity of a perfect saturday
the taste of a sweet, sugary dream
the feeling of hands that caress me
and the fortress of a home we built ourselves

a sea of memories floods my sanctity
that of which is no longer yours
because a summer's lost daydream ripped it apart
even after the winter's necessity brought it together

your lips upon my hands
your hands upon my face
an illusion of unforgotten flutters
and the most beautiful feeling a human can know

a cafe stained with recollection
and abandoned hope tucked away next door
your strong arms, the towers of refuge
are the long-lost haven i seek to this day

and as this thursday's hell rolls to a close
i feel the love i always have pouring through my bones

the world around me is *****, clogged up, and foggy
the life i've come to know is hopeless
and you remain in that place, immobile
a hell filled with false proclamations of love
and lies of a place where freedom lays
they just ran away and happened to take you with them

and now that you're seventeen
and i am too
i wonder what type of world we will form with our words
if any at all
because we're still too young to control a **** thing

the postage runs slowly, society runs incessantly
people change, mistakes are made, and we claw at the exits
we sail vessels of loneliness on seas of discontent
and we just want the lovely horizon we can see
for years we've paralleled each other
but i hope it doesn't go too far

so reach through the keys
and let me know you're thinking of me

as the gray scale pictures appeared
i saw you bring yourself near
and the blackness so well hid your face
even with the red lights filling the space
you were in the back corner i was across the way
making masterpieces after every mundane day
with my hair in a braid clipped up on my head
and your hands in your pockets when you scared me to death
all those photos of yours, like the trigger of a gun
i held my arms wide and smiled with the sun

now you wont even hold my blank canvas eyes
and yours smile to me on the stairs every time
but you wont say a word nor make a sound
you won't even blink while my soul hits the ground
i guess all the chemicals made me insane
and my dream didn't help, you pressed to my face
in a blue plaid shirt, i see you across the room
i guess i was the only one to feel the fumes
but somehow i know that's not true

there were the days of just you and i
and the world around us-where are the lights?
i remember awaiting my pride to take form
and trying too hard and feeling so torn
and holding so tightly to the print you made
for no real reason besides the look you gave
showing off to you for no purpose at all
i know it meant nothing, just a cushioned fall

now you wont even hold my blank canvas eyes
you know yours strung me in a web of lies
you walk away when my skeleton comes around
do you see this smile? it's sinking to the ground
i guess all the negatives inverted my view
and this nightmare rewired the image of you
in a blue plaid shirt, you wore it yesterday
i guess i was the only one to see it that way
but somehow i wanted it to fade

how could you look in my eyes
and know about the scars i despise
how could you see into my heart
when i never saw you coming from the start
how could you sever that broken touch
without even asking me what i want

but today you looked into these blank canvas eyes
and yours, hidden by glass, were the first to shine
and you quoted a movie and laughed with me
and pulled me towards you, my smile you didn't see
i guess your arms are strong as the walls
the hidden room that was home to it all
in a blue plaid shirt, i see you across the room
but i still won't admit that i felt those fumes
even though you know the sad truth

There's a devil breathing down the back of my neck
Every word you say has me twisted
Where do you say we go from here?

Nothing we had will ever be mended
Don't you see the girl you've affected
and how she longs to disappear?

Where did that little boy go?
I remember, I used to know you.
But that's not now, look around.
The world has changed;
why can't I follow suit?
I've realized I know nothing about you.

Beneath this translucent skin
There's only blood, and, oh, it's thin.

I had a vision: something I never truly expected
A flash of something I wasn't sure I wanted
As I noticed the speck of green
that was you.

I saw your face against my own, no space
Between our breaths, between our eyes
Those deep brown, almost black
that are yours.

I imagined-or maybe not-returning here
Two hands entwined as they should be
One dark, one light - contrast -
that's me and you.

I swore I felt the rain against the window
In an apartment near a coffeehouse
With arms, strong, eternal, on me:
they are yours.

Then, I glanced up from my beautiful reverie
To a pair of eyes twin to mine, tossing coins
My heart, it plummeted alongside,
straight to you.

please take me away, or let me be
should i truly be asking for a release
from someone who can look in my eyes
and see the stress i'm holding in
oh my take it away please
im begging you to rescue me

and i know its a bad decision
the sight of a smile i shouldnt crave
what are you doing to me
take your eyes off me but wait
i really cant make up my mind
but it's already been made
so i'll sever our touch
although im not sure its what i want

take yourself away
my dreams are not a place for you
jealousy is a cruel mistress
im searching for answers
but i already know where i stand
i cant shake the feeling when you take my hand
it's shameful i even know that rush
sit here recalling the moments of touch
between you and i
broken worlds collide
i see you and i beg you take me away

what should be a nightmare
i find desperate longing
and the gap of time is prolonging
and creating daydreams
that a girl should never see
not a girl with ties like me

what the hell are we thinking
i know i'm watching it sinking
my heart drops to the catacombs below
a tomb for the wicked and restless soul
the soul inside my pathetic chest
hidden by a hand you should take from my neck

just take it away
you'll realize it'll collapse someday
is that what i truly desire please tell me how i feel
i can't be trusted to make that up for myself

i know that we shared those scars
that hour that seems to be only ours
comprehension mixed with apprehension
and a touch of alcohol we alluded to
i can feel the flush of my cheeks
and the breath i forgot to take
oh please take it away

proximity, it means nothing to me
on a wednesday or a sunday it doesn't mean a thing
that red on my face it doesn't mean a thing
not a **** thing to me

curl up on my floor with me
and tell me who you want to be
and wish that you and i were eternal
like we did once before
curl up in that chair with me
and hold onto me while i read
about the problem i cant rid myself of
like we did once before
curl up on my bed with me
and make me to feel endlessly
with the magical way you've taken me
like we did once before
i hate to miss you but you know how much i do

you're the only reason i even want to write
and you're the only reason i even want to try

and you know you're the reason i wake up
and you know you're the reason i get up
and you know you're the reason i'm sitting here
and you know you're the reason that i smile

but you don't know exactly how many times
you've been just stupid enough to save my life
and, darling, i love you over a billion times

it's a game of cat and mouse we play without any reservation at all
we always had nothing more than the space between us, so small
our shared breath on the frigid air spoke dreams we'll take to the grave
i so desperately wish i could for once be even a little brave
when i glanced your way i could see your disappointment in me
the armrest we shared that morning was a battlefront only we could see
i sailed a beautiful sea of blue for months in fear of freezing to death
but your arms kept me safe and every time I held my breath

take a deep breath and swallow the lump that's found home in my throat
and eventually i'll probably come to peace with the words I wrote
all those years ago

what do I do with all these memories?
one day i'll be able to set them free
oh won't you come swim away with me
for you it's way too easy

the night i chased you down forbidden corridors is burned inside
with all the rooms they should of locked where we tried to hide
i still remember the way you fell asleep in the backseat
it was just you and i, and the lights reflected on concrete
everything just feels so melancholy tonight
especially the reminder of you in my life

take a deep breath and swallow the lump that's found home in my throat
and eventually i'll probably come to peace with the words I wrote
all those years ago

what do I do with all these memories?
one day i'll be able to set them free
oh won't you come swim away with me
for you it's way too easy

there was once a crooked smile that kept me alive
and i used to adore two shining blue eyes
it was never to be
you wouldn't float away with me

what do I do with all these memories?
one day i'll be able to set them free
oh won't you come swim away with me
for you it's way too easy

i will gladly give you every word I wrote
all those years ago.