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scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
i'm biting my tongue to keep the raging stream of words from spilling out. i still can’t help but let some escape through my lips. i try to swallow the rest until my throat burns, gagging, crying—it's making me sick. dear god, where do i put all this anger?
have u ever puked out of anger?
scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
staring at my broken mirror, i beg the person in front of me to come back home to myself again, to remember who i was before it all: before i learned to put makeup on my face, before i knew what it felt like to be heartbroken, before i carried all this anger, before i lost all my hope, and before i changed who i was. to learn to love myself again before i started wishing someone else would.
the next time i fall in love, i want it to be myself. and if i fail, i'll do it again, and again, and again.
scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
i began fearing love because i found it loud and explosive—not until  i saw the spark of your eyes as you laughed, and all i could hear was my own heart loudly beating.
to see the stars on my dark night sky instead of fireworks is kind of new to me, but hopefully this will end on the good side.
scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
...
i say that i don't care anymore. i try to hide the fact that hearing your name makes it hard for me to breathe.
scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
i could not recognize a mother's voice anymore, not even from my own mother.
who are you?
scarmaya nicole Nov 2024
two young wild hearts in this ****** city,
you and i have made our own calamity.
a tornado born out of seamless feelings,
both looking for love but with different meanings.

i am hopelessly romantic, a lover with blind eyes,
so i rely on what i hear: good truths and sweet lies.
whatever i can hold, i grip it with my hand so tight;
i act as if your moves and this story are not trite.

so done and fed up, but i stay regardless.
i don't care even if it’s a temporary happiness.
all those smiles and laughs that i had with you
are better than nothing; i'll take a dubious few.

show me the kind of love that makes me question reality.
knowing that this could all be a trick, i still did it willingly.
your warmth and company, flickering, driving me mad,
but baby, just touch me and see that i am still down bad.

he is a boy with time and wanting to have fun;
i am a lady waiting for someone to shoot her with a gun.
he did the hunting, but i gave him the tools and map.
i may have allowed him to set me up in his trap.

bring me to places that i’ve never been;
bring me to life and then **** me within.
silently, i hope for something better to receive,
to be deemed worthy of the real love you can give.

smitten, drunk, slowly losing my sense of value;
i'm quite scared to find myself kneeling before you.
i want to have you for me, but i refuse to speak,
so i let this yearning and hope in my words leak.

kiss, leave, hold, and ignore me; lead me on, and i'm all for it.
the pain and love are something my heart doesn’t ever want to admit.
if ever you're wondering if what you want would make me glad,
my love, let it be known to you that for you, i am still down bad.
a testament to how love, though great, can be a curse when you find yourself down bad.
scarmaya nicole Oct 2024
you came into my life as a surprise,
an interesting delicacy that caught my eyes.
i'm a starving girl, which made everything unfair,
you're a possible poison, but i refuse to care.

show me an act and tell me lies,
feed me with your loveless words in disguise.
let me taste and savor the guilty pleasure,
delusion is the medicine i take for this leisure.

i'm dying to see what you have in store,
but a hungry stranger cannot demand for more.
i'll take the pieces of what you can give,
drive me crazy with your concealed motive.

confuse me with your mixed flavors too,
i'm an addict, so i keep coming back to you.
let me devour your every bitter and sweet side,
whatever we are, let's not choose to decide.

go on and do with me as you see fit,
i'll just cry while laughing about it.
i'll take love, no matter in whatever form it comes,
i'll lick the plate until there are no crumbs.

let us enjoy each other until it becomes bland,
time will come, and you might let go of my hand.
but for the meantime, come and stay here with me,
show me what else you can offer with your delicacy.
i'm not built for situationship, sorry.
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