dinner is sit down at the table

dinner is family

dinner is mami and papi flirt like theyre dating

dinner is tell me how your day was

dinner is make an announcement

dinner is this new healthy alternative

dinner is fish, again?

dinner is i did my best, im tired

dinner is do you guys like it?

dinner is shut up, mark!

dinner is silence

dinner is laughter

dinner is potato jokes but only in spanish

dinner is thank you when youre done

dinner is happy birthday!

dinner is im sorry hello thank you i love you it was amazing thank you thank you thank you

dinner is mami papi nohelia liency mark

dinner is everyday at 5:30, be there with clean clothing and clean hands.

those in the tribe of “that is enough for a  40 and a bag of chips” like to self diagnose, self medicate, and self love/hate

they spend 3 dollars and 75 cents at least three times a week on medicinal purposes only. most often, 3 dollars and 75 cents is not enough. so they diagnose that they can spend up to, but no more than, 6 dollars and something cents on healing yesterday’s wounds and on stitching up tomorrow’s possible cuts

those in the tribe of “i wont live to be that old” enjoy loud music, avoiding sleep, and looking angry

they wake up dizzy because last night’s dose was a little strong, it will feebly run it’s course through the veins it learned to call home for a few more hours. they hang on because in no time, tonight’s dose will warm their blood again

those in the tribe of “i don’t need your pity” like to question authority, read manifestos, and tattoo nighttime cityscapes.

they, sometimes, live so fast that they forget to remember. on early morning occasions, they find puzzle pieces they forgot to throw in the closet and they remember who they were, are, and want to be. it is during these “it is 4 o’clock in the morning, why are you calling me” moments that they remember who to love and what to hate. for some, this is progress. for others, this is another 3 dollars and 75 cents.

the tribes meet as often as possible. sharing a couple dollars, 75 cents, and some loose lint, they gather the right doses needed to obliterate the demons. although only temporary, the fix holds long enough to help heal, release, and erase.

shave That

lose This

burn That

freeze It like this if the fire wont do it

Please do me a favor and accept what I am shoving down your ******* throat

How could you hate us?

I am everything you want me to be-

Soft skin, inviting hips, lips sweet like wine

            on a golden plate, special made, just for you.

That one is a ***** ***** and this one will **** whoever comes your way

            She’s a pregnant ***** and that one is a heartless **, got rid of her own

But hey, “it ***** you had to get rid of it” Do you remember? Sometimes I remember well.

Draw the perfect image and erase her when you’re done

Do as you like but

don’t you dare ask her what is keeping her up.

Don’t you dare ask her what she needs to know

and don’t you DARE ask her how she is.

I have woken up too often

to the prodding of a phone number

I refuse to remember.

I have collected these mornings

along side your letters,

words I refuse to discard.

dark purple bruises

etched so violently on her

amidst pain, pleasure.

cynical
completely.
putting up with the mess is nearly impossible

change is desired
fear stops the advances

running around in circles with scissors in my hand,

i cut myself .

one two three times

i let you see the blood, i let you touch it and i let you smell it

and i let you bathe completely in the drops of blood that rained down from my eyes, my fingertips, my thighs, and  the ends of my damaged hair

i became dependant on your daily intake

i grew weak  in pursuit of your own

but you ran and ran with it

you took my self in pints

you took me in gallons

365 days

365 days

365 days

i sat and i wept the blood that you wiped off my chin

and you took it and you took it and you took it

you drank it and you bathed in it and you smelled it

i watched you as you got drunk off of me

until you threw it all up

until you threw me all up

until you got too sick and you threw it up in the bathroom, in the car, in the living room, and on the bed that we ****** on

and finally you were done

and with a half dead woman lying at your feet, waiting for a drop or 2 of your own, you walked away

123 , 3000 miles to the  east

and i lay there for 3 months waiting for your return

and i made more cuts in order to lure you

and i let my blood spill for 1 2 3 months until i woke up.

it was time.

it was time to lick my wounds clean

dry

healthy again

on my own, i healed.

eyes deep, full of lust.
your parted lips wait for mine,
Plunge into the depth.

Skin burning through useless clothing
accompany the heavy breathing
and traveling fingertips

Lead the way into the deep dark,
blue night sky trying desperately to glisten.

A city night wont allow sleep So we meet halfway
concrete park and flower bed cushion,
Solace in each other’s beating hearts

Trying our best to stay quiet,
The solitary car driving by drown out

Weak whispers of

more more                  Don't
    more             and           Stop


bodies rocking, knocked knees, empty eyes

Remind me again what you need