As a Christian they say you should never fear death if you know where you're going.



I truly believe that I have a place in Heaven, yet I'm still afraid to die.



If you will be patient with me I'll explain to you why.



See when I was 6 dad, you went to work...



the next time I saw you was at this address 6...4...0 North California St.



You never came home!!!



Aunty you went away for a few months, i knew you were sick but I figured you would be up on your feet in no time...



But in April of 2000 I met you at that same **** address as my dad  6...4...0 North California St.



You never came home!!!



Grandma you moved in with us and that was an experience i'll forever treasure.



I was with you everyday for a couple of years, you became like my second mom.



One day the ambulance picked you up and took you to Lodi memorial hospital...



That was were you stayed until the night you were transferred to that building on a corner,



the building that was becoming my second home 6...4...0 North California St.



You Never came home!!!



And brother the Doctor the said you were better, as a matter of fact we were told you would be released



within 2 days, but you died, you died the day after the good news...



You never came home!!!



It seems like as soon as I get comfortable, as soon as I get close to someone they are taken away...



**** YOU 640 NORTH CALIFORNIA!!!



You are getting close to everyone that I have ever truly loved!!!



Daddy you taught me how to love and except everyone for who they were



Aunty showed true love and taught me how to care for people even the ones who didn't deserve it.



Grandma you, you taught me how to relax... to just be calm and pray about things.



Brother you introduced me to a love for music and theater, you weren't only my brother...

but my source of happiness

although I didn't always admit it.



Every time one left, I connected with the next



Than when they didn't come home I connected with someone else...



Eventually no one came back home!!!!!



Now in my phone contacts I have a number saved, the number that connects to that now familiar address



6...4...0 North California St.



I have this contact in case one day you cant come home, Mom.



We've always been close...



One day I'll  have to say you didn't come home, A scary thought that crosses my mind more times a day that I



can handle...



Dear son,



      One day, I'm  sorry to tell you this but you'll be the one to say...



You never came home!!!



That hurts my heart to know that you'll hurt as bad as I have



This is why I'm scared to die,



I'm not scared because I'm not sure whether my soul will sink or fly



I'm afraid that one day my not coming home will be the reason that you cry

Liking or loving, it's all a choice...

It has no say until you give it a voice.

I was told not to like you but I jumped in my feelings, gambling with my heart and losing with each dealing.

I never want to hurt, mislead, or disrespect you.
Actually I'd rather give you the love, respect, and time that you never received from the ones who neglected you.
If ever I make you cry I want it to be from hard laughter not pain or lies.
My intentions are pure and true I only want to love you.
I want to share our past, our present, and future.
Make memories to last a lifetime, Make t-shirts tat say...
"get your own best friend, she's mine"  
I want to be your friend and confidant never your enemy or opponent.
I want to pull out the best in you and prove you wrong of all the things you say you can't do.
I want to push you until every last dream comes true and help you fight off nightmares that creep up on you.
You see I'm not talking acquaintances, face book buddies, or grocery store run-in type relationships.
I see us going further than that but we must both allow it, letting down guards, past pains, and softening hardened hearts.
I want to be your best friend, not temporarily but until the end.
Do you trust me? Don't just say it, do it. I'm here for you.

i like your touch
the warm embrce that you give
the quiver in my lip when we kiss
the moment are eyes meet in sync
perfect for the moment
dislike n that it will end
discourage about the fact
that all we are , are friends

from me to you
simple yet informational
feelings i get when around
are beyound sensational
but you know
facts remain the same
we are all that we keep framed
friends

These tears that fill my eyes should come as no suprise, my heart hurts for you. My heart hates that

you're being dangled over train tracks with an overused bunge cord with a train coming rapidly

with no breaks, man that person who threatens to take your LIFE with no care or remorse because

they feel they can,  not noticing or caring that you've always done all you can.  Selfish motives to

keep you near, they inform you that you can keep your LIFE if you do what they say, meaning

don't go just stay... so you play the games they play and stay due to fear, the fear of losing your

LIFE, the most precious LIFE of all. Standing a little over 2 ft tall, that  light bright little LIFE who

brightens up your life. A smile that seems to make your wrong world completely right. The last

person you think of at the end of every night. I understand why you stay and play the games that

people play I don't and wont judge you but i'll always continue to love you...

They say best friends are forever
But as times passed so did the phrase
We were supposed to be forever
You know?
That's what bff means right?
Best friends forever, but times change...
So I guess now we'll be bfn...
Best friends never, as in it will nerve be again.
You found someone new, it hurts me but it's true.
You promised that you'd never let anyone take my place, but i guess that was true at that time and place.
Things happen, things change, nothing in the world can ever stay the same

In you I see the brilliance of a thousand suns
You are successful
A champion fighter
You beat life a million to one
In you I see a friend like no other
A leader as well as a protector of others
something like a big sister or mother
In you I see a woman strong enough to walk away from any battle victorious
You are notorious...
Nortotious for maintaining a following as large as Dr. King
You've yet to see it but you carry the dream.
You now hold the dream
You will share it with the young and old
The underground and the mainstream
To be heard is your thing
one day you will speak before millions
In you I see a woman who will rise up the ones who believe that their life means nothing
and give them reason to sing...
In you I see power and change
Your life is soon to change so hold on tight while your lifes vehichle switches lanes.

I love you more today than yesterday and I can only imagine how much more i'll love you

tomorrow. I never want to loose you.There is never an in between, when i'm hurt I tend to say

things I truly don't mean. I want to say it sweet but it spills out green, not mean but green. Green as

in envy against her, the other female who holds your heart without necessarily holding your

heart. See I hold your heart in a different way I know because you told me that you loved me. She

on the other hand knows you two may be done but she dangles your heart over your head in the

form of your son. I can't nor would I ever attempt to compete with the source that makes your life

complete

because you without him is like Stacy Adams with no feet, useless as a heart that wont beat.

Having your love in my life is so sweet but without him your life would feel like a defeat, too

many times you've been beat. Mentally, and physically, nothing but lies a deceit and what you

want more than anything in the world is a family so if traveling back to that place known as  

unhappy just to be near

your true definition of happy is what you must do, just know that i'll always love and be here for

you.

The way I miss you is driving me insane..

This is so real no longer a game..

this has gotten deep..

often into my mind you creep whether I'm woke or asleep..

my heart seems to be caged but I don't want it to be free..

you bring out the better part of me..

and more than anything I want you to see this grand amount of L...O...V...E inside of me

it's yelling out, wanting you to hear it,

it's singing to you hoping your soul feels it...

this love gets on its knees every night praying one day you'll see it..

hoping  you too  envision it..

Maybe just maybe you dream this dream & see my vision,

the vision of he & she that turns into WE.. US.. no longer 2 but 1.

Can you see it..  see what i see??

you & I the vision unfolding under the sun you & me no longer him or her, he or she but WE... Happily WE!

I am lost

you see

I have misplaced me

I am trying to find the she that I used to be

It seems to be that she has ceased

Dead and gone never to return

Maybe I should do like Usher and let it burn

But that I can't do that

I want to get back to me, the me that I used to be

Some people may see a happy me

But I'm a great actor as they can see

You're fooled by her Acrylic smile

Gel coated at least three times to make it through

one day

A press on confidence that is easily torn away at

the end of everyday

See she has to fake it

but me I was the real one

but now that I've been

misplaced and replaced I need help

can someone help me find me

the she I used to be

let us retrace my steps

back to my hearts door step

I'm positive we'll surely find me

the way I once was

Happy...

I am lost

you see

I have misplaced me

I am trying to find the she that I used to be

It seems to be that she has ceased

Dead and gone never to return

Maybe I should do like Usher and let it burn

But that I can't do that

I want to get back to me, the me that I used to be

Some people may see a happy me

But I'm a great actor as they can see

You're fooled by her Acrylic smile

Gel coated at least three times to make it through

one day

A press on confidence that is easily torn away at

the end of everyday

See she has to fake it

but me I was the real one

but now that I've been

misplaced and replaced I need help

can someone help me find me

the she I used to be

let us retrace my steps

back to my hearts door step

I'm positive we'll surely find me

the way I once was

Happy...

Music o music you mean everything to me you calm me down when nothing or no one else can. You

cause my heart to smile.. Yes it's possible & you do it better than anyone.. Music if you were a man I'd

marry you in a heart beat I'd run your bath water I'd rub your feet & cook what ever you wanna eat

because you make me happy... I love you music.