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Sawr Jan 2011
""Was a flake, not much thought on intake, other than indulgence""
""Is not a flake, always thinking about intake, self-indulgent""

~~I know nothing about you, yet sometimes I let my ego blind me into actually believing I hate you~~
~~I have never met you, yet sometimes I convince my ego that you'd be better off alive than me, because sometimes I can't help but to hate you~~
~~You don't deserve that~~
~~I'm not above you, you are above me for me ever thinking any different~~


!!I don't deserve you!!
!!You make me feel like I'm going ******* insane!!
!!I can't stop thinking about it - I can't let myself win, or at least it seems that way. More out of compulsion than anything else, most unconscious and least beneficial, but most appealing some how... humans are ******* stupid!!

;;I am, am I;;
;;You are, are you;;
;;I am, are we?;;
;;We aren't as I am, we are as we are;;
;;I want nothing to want, I have everything;;
;;Maybe soon I'll be brave enough to be set free;;
If I am to lose, I will have won. If I win, I'm only going to lose.
:3
Sawr Dec 2010
:3
I love watching the red ooze down my cheek
Dripping onto my palms, I love your hate with a passion
I want you to scream your distaste with me at the ******* world,
Shake my skull until it cracks with your honest rage,
Your white-hot fire burning into my wrists,
That look that tells me "I'm going to rip your eyes out, and you're not going to watch"

Don't talk, don't talk..
Just watch, just waaaatch.
Well I, don't have no reason to say
I love you or I want you to stay.
But I know that I really do.
All I want is you,
Ripping me up!

Rip rip rip, you're making my dreams come true, one scar at a time.
Nobody else would do this to me, and I love you for it,
Grab my wrists with all your might and squeeze until my hands aren't mine
I want you to cut me open and smile about it for me :)
Sawr Dec 2010
I'm starving.
Staring,
Waiting,
Carving
My skin, waiting.
Wanting,
Wanting nothing at all,
Wanting only you.

I'm chewing on glass and drinking my thoughts,
I'm looking at you and it's scary.
But at the same time, it doesn't even matter.
It's all I can think about,
It's my will to care that I fear,
Not your will to leave,
Or my will to die.
Because willing or not,
Nothing doesn't expire,
But I've always firmly believed that together, we can keep each other's souls warm for as long as we please,
Until we fade, bleeding our minds into each other, our blood as one, our scars together fade, forever lost.

I want to know your misery, I want to know your demons, I want to watch you bleed.

Don't slow me down, stop me.
Don't stop me, hurt me.
Don't hurt me, unless you love me.
Don't love me, unless you do.
Don't want to want unless you want more, we can always expand our time.
Don't cut me open unless you want me to never let go.
Drown me in your eyes, just **** me already!

~(Are You Ready For A Miracle?)~
Sawr Nov 2010
Slithering inside me
Rough edges graze my sides.
Tensed, then relaxed,
Just taken by surprise is all.
The scaled Beast settles
As he is, so am I.

Spry is his name
Name, Input, Value…
He doesn’t know or not know, he just is.
It sounds so planned.

Planned….
Plans tend to call for hindrance…
You could feel like you’re tethered to a spiked collar chain.
To exceed the normal limits, you must sacrifice comfort.
The plans create seemingly-distorted ‘anxiety’
This is autonomous for me.
More than lack of invitation, but even forced entry.



“Live and let live”
Something to go by,
More out of fear than anything else,
Indescribable to those without.
Not as easy as could seem.
The fields of knowledge on which I choose to labor
Often reward me with the riches of preparation.
Those who harvest from these fields grow in self-actualization,
And have more accessibility. And then there are the ‘others.’
Others, they came and ripped up the land, and tangled the enforcers.  The ignorant desolates to which this land encompasses, wasting the resources and spoiling the process, making acquisition harder than ought to be.
Especially when they try to take away Chi
I can’t let them; they can’t let me.

EQ
The basis of my learning
Stemming from the roots of which are embedded from my experience.
Had a lot of original discovery



“Write faster!” ”Type faster!”
Hands not meant to write,
They are so greedy…
Their flailing attempt to translate my thoughts, an effort rendered useless.

Rocko, just sitting there, complaining, “It isn’t fair!  Let me out!”
I respond, or try to,
Horrible thoughts arrive uninvited, with too much force.
Draining my comfort, compassion, Chi.
They just want me to grimace
‘GET OUT!!!!!’ no tranquility attained. Only havoc is made this way.
For many rounds of the mental attack are unleashed on me
If you can call it “me”
I call it “those two”
They sure like ******* with me

Being in the dark helps to ease those attacks.
I have nothing but the empty blue wasteland in my eyes to look through,
Much less chance of attack in this state, they are waiting for a crack in the wall
They know they can still tear me down.

Unprovoked, they attack again, assaulting me with horrible, selfish images that make me shudder
Things I don’t want to be thinking, try to twitch them off, they just come back around
Worse the second time.
The familiar sound of grinding gears tricks my ears and my attention shoots them away
And I rush to the scene to claim my prize!
Momentary clarity & peace
Distraction long enough to just barely forget, I’m so grateful.
My mind was wet.
Then they come back with a spiked club and bash my face in.
The usual.

Animals live to survive.
Humans live to thrive.
Spry lives to die
Chase lives to cry
Sawr lives in-between
Waiting for someone or something to pop the bubble again
Sawr Nov 2010
It’s not like it matters,
No one will think twice.
These disposable efforts mean so much to us,
And, at times, we cherish them too.
Though the higher you climb,
The worse off most are,
For the toll, is indeed, a high one.

It’s not that you’ll fall,
(Though soon, you may welcome that),
But near what’s rumored to be the top,
You’ll find, you’re often alone.

So finding an average,
A cool medium,
Has become all but uncommon,
But even so, what’s to come,
Of those few who actually challenge the gods?
For what sort of blessings do lay still?

Far is it from Dubiety,
Though equally close,
We expect too much, and leave room for displeasure.
We bring it upon ourselves.
Then I had a thought, why the way of humans?
But why not the way of all life permitting?

How not someone revered could leave life unnoticed,
Yet someone exalted should be saved,
Truly leaves long trenches in the pit of my stomach,
Due to lacking a notion of why;
Why it is we strive so hard; And if for immortality,
Then for what sake and by who are we granted this perquisite?

What Blessings were laid on the lives of those,
Whose memory would outlast the Earth,
Really made worth of a mortal’s own time,
More so then any such swings of the hands?
For what even is our own worth?

As when his eyes fail to save him,
Upon what would that broken man fall?
Naught but more than his own disparity,
Wedged between black reality and his own thoughts.
Forlorn, despairing, and void of all sense,
He collapses, deader than dead.

I shudder to dismiss this, (or any) conflict,
Away as I would a cobweb;
But he who detects the flaws of himself
Before do his enemies,
Will end up much stronger than those opposed,
As he already severed his soul.
Sawr Nov 2010
I'm staring at the space between your eyes,
and I'm starting to think you're real.
Whatever is it that you do that makes me double-take?

I sin and stop, stop and sin
and you always look the same.
you're gaze is piercing my ego,
deflating my mind and making me forget who I am.

When in the end, it all ends the same,
I've always firmly believed in nothing.
But what I think when you look upon me
never seems to be the same.

The means to reach an end that doesn't matter,
I've never thought it differently.
You make me want to mean, and I'm starting to believe you.

I chase the dragon, I follow his trail,
but there he is again.
Chase cuts me off, grabs my wrists and squeezes.
Pleading with me, his green eyes growing, consuming me.

I watch my vapour drift and mist,
up into the infinite sky.
but once it's gone, it doesn't come back,
whereas he's always right there, with those haunting eyes.

I'm staring at the space between my eyes,
looking myself long and hard.
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm real,
But I've got a long way to reach yours or his.

If and when I fall again, and let the beast overtake me,
I re-believe, know for certain, that it's worth fighting again
I want to see that something special
that always seems to put me in my place.
Sawr Nov 2010
Fearing the faith,
Scared of most love.
They bring understanding,
But are rejected as foes.

They try not to grimace,
To whine or complain,
As it uncovers the stitches of sin.
And if, indeed, they begin to slack off,
They must sew their weaknesses shut.
And though pain undesired,
It shall, with force,
Be used in an instant,
To rip, flay, and humble their souls.

And although they instate it,
Its effects won't fade,
As it gives way to a horrible gloom.
Though too long without a touch,
From Mother Pain,
And their Beings will twist,
Becoming as sickly and vile,
As the ****, that around them decays.

So as can be seen, alarm is unneeded,
They wish to bring us no harm.

But only to help us,
To harvest the fruits,
Of our labors, we've since, forgotten.

Even still, we're blind to their kindness,
We see them as unworthy pests.
And as their presence is no longer welcome,
They disappear on the winds breath.
Regrets we had many, and go back we could not,
And we all went downward, again.

As we fell into the graves,
We had dug for ourselves,
We thought, "Maybe they meant well?"
Alas, mattered not, as we all found out,
As we fell to the depths of our own filth.
And as we burned, the Imps could not help,
But to pity our fate.

And after a sigh, and a shake of the head,
They got on with the rest of their existence.
And as the winds and tides of time
Washed over the empty, barren land of thought,
Nothing was left, no one to remember.
And in a blink, we were less than the dusts.
Sawr Nov 2010
Normally, and in moments of weakness, I can't stand not knowing.
Normally, and in every other moment, I want to question it.

It's a good thing too, vanishing for a few
Coming back, hoping things are even better.
Staying positive keeps him frozen :)

I
  Really think that
     Things are going to

Surprise me. I'm already surprised. I'm still overwhelmed!

     And I'm really glad
  Because it's exactly
Fitting

Things are going to change
Why not direct flow in a warm direction?

Too bad I'm terrible at directions :)
I'm still so glad just to be able to know of you.

Red rose up and out,
White wind is coming down
Blue blanket bits blow away as
Silver shocks me senseless.

The white blanket here sure feels better this time around.
Especially since I'm going to try letting them both know that I'm done taking their advice.

They both smile when you come around,
I can actually hear myself for once.

Green feelings don't even bother me,
Honestly, I welcome them.

Tell me with your eyes something that will make me writhe,
Because no matter what, finding you isn't the problem.
Sawr Nov 2010
Swinging, swaying in the wind
Scratching, Scraping away the time
No need for assistance, what's wrong with not knowing your purpose?
You still saved me from the grasp of those who'd rather see me writhing over their trivial nonsense.

I want to hear you.
I want to see you.
I want to be near you.
I want to feel you.

;HE; wants me to run away.

--HE-- wants me to stay.
--HE-- whispers in my ear, "You can't let go!"

;HE; whispers, "It's all a ******* lie!"

I love them both, I hate them both, they both are me.

I'm going to keep cozy and warm,
of course I'm going to help them.

--HE-- tells me I should push them both aside and ask myself.
;HE; tells me that's not what's important, that I'm fool.

Of course I am!
I wonder just how much they see..

Let's sway together, wind or not
I'm feeling hazy enough to do just about anything,
You'll always find out where I've been.

Want to dance with me? I'd be happy to empty out my eyes for you tonight
Acceptable (to them) or not, I'm craving your hunger, and your tight grip around my skull

The fire that your gaze pierces me with leaves me feeling burnt out,
I finally want to need to live for more than just that unending argument in my head.
Sawr Nov 2010
There's a lot I don't know about a lot I want to,
There's a lot I know  about that I shouldn't want to hear.
But I'm going to listen anyway, not knowing sadness is not knowing love.

You've got to be true to yourself,
And I don't wanna make you a liar.

I'm falling for you but I probably shouldn't be.
I'm asking for you but I probably won't be.
I'm losing for you but I'm okay with that.

I'm ready to catch you,
I'm dying to catch you.

But I know I need to be ready to just be silent,
Ready to know that I'm just here.
I'm ready to watch the pieces fly back together.

This feeling is growing, it's starting to hurt.
It's not a problem, I'm going to be happy for you.

I can't be selfish anymore,
I want you to flourish :)
Sawr Jan 2011
Do you not feel the overwhelming presence?
Do you not feel the desire, the flame?
Do you not feel my energy being transferred to you?
Do you not feel my heart going out to you?

I won't ever get too far, because I couldn't be far enough.
Sawr Dec 2010
Things change
Things like to
like to change
change real quick quick quick too fast fast
fast faster

Blink once, twice
smile at you
you smile at me
I wish you knew
you say you do
I wish you knew
I know you don't
I wish you knew
I know I don't
I really want you to cut me

Bass reverbrates through us
We keep dancing
I'm going to cut you deep..
and I'm going to (you) like it

I'm sitting here
you're watching me
I'm thinking of you
You're doubting everything
I'm doubting everything
I'm bathing myself in ****** ecstasy
I love this monster that's ******* my brains out
I'm smiling :D

I I I want want want your your your ******* hate hate hate passion
Grip my throat and ******* tear
Rip this blade from my palm, and let all my joy out
I'd love you forever <3
Sawr Nov 2010
Spry speaks lies, and not for conflict,
It simply feels standard to him.
And all he tries to do is satisfy
Though all he makes are enemies.

But it's not his fault!
Oh no, don't blame him!
He will ****** the truth,
For the truth never was, never can be to him.
He’ll twist every word that comes into your head and create something horrible.
It's just one more reason for him to sigh.

When I talk to him, he doesn't talk back,
I find it ominous, true.
But, I muse, what terror should I find?
Lest the death his continuing whispering should ensue.

I shudder to speak, to even reminisce,
The terrors that he has seen us through,
For if others could share in his endeavor,
Their lives would be shattered, hopeless, and obscene.

I feel so badly for him.
I feel so badly of him.
I’m still glad he’s there.
One more person to be alone with.
Sawr Nov 2010
My face, ripping
My mind, tripping
My focus, lacking
My trip, immaculate.
My gaze, fervent.

Cold as gas, wet as thought,
Wrong as rain, love is fought.
My soul is sharp, his tongue is deadly
Our hearts together, ring to a medly that doesn't have a point, only a purpose,
There to be, not to do, and doesn't need ANYTHING to do with you.

That's why he's always trying to get away from me,
but you can't run away from your own body.
That's why he's still here.
But you can't be in love with your own mind.
That's why he isn't.
But you won't hear this coming from him.

Like soft wind, wrapping around my shoulders,
Your ethereal touch makes me feel invisible.
I'm complacent just listening.
And that's why Spry doesn't like you.
You give him too much to love.
He sure is a child sometimes.
Sawr Nov 2010
Walk, keep walking.
Don't look up, keep walking.
Walk until the grass turns to dirt and the trees turn to shrubs.
Walk until the light dims, so barely alive, burning slowly.
Slower, walk slower
Look back, all you can see is nothing

The flame longs for warmth,
but my mind longs for release.

Please please understand this,
I don't want anything from anyone.
I just want to find that grin again.

You know you're going to keep walking.
It's that voice that won't go away,
and the voice that won't ever come back.
The smile that taunted you barely exists anymore.

Probably gonna keep walking.

Maybe you'll find some shadow friends out in the lonely desert,
they won't want anything from you. But that's what's missing.

You're only walking because you're afraid.
You're only walking because you're scared.
You're only walking because you have to.

But you don't need to.
Just give yourself some room to stop thinking.

Before I start walking, I'm gonna run and never look back.
It's only a matter of time.
Things are only growing stranger here.

I used to live in a white blanket of warm discovery.
And with our eagerness to inter-mingle our minds
infected with curiosity and room to smile,
We were so happy. We were at peace. We just wanted to smile.

Once again I return to the white land,
nothing is ever the same, of course...
But this is just ridiculous.

I miss the Gray.

THUMP BUMP THUMP PUMP
You're growing str(a)nger as you go farther
Maybe one day I'll meet myself again.
Sawr Dec 2010
I'm completely in complete need of nothing to feel complete,
It's this I love to feel but not always can I free my soul enough to attain.
I'm understandably paling in comparison to me, myself, but it won't stop stop changing.
I'm ridiculed every time I speak! Nobody hears by who, I guess its only me.
Why is it that I meet myself with such resistance before I stop and think about it?
I'm trained, brained into me, the train won't stop

— The End —