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Sawr Nov 2010
Slithering inside me
Rough edges graze my sides.
Tensed, then relaxed,
Just taken by surprise is all.
The scaled Beast settles
As he is, so am I.

Spry is his name
Name, Input, Value…
He doesn’t know or not know, he just is.
It sounds so planned.

Planned….
Plans tend to call for hindrance…
You could feel like you’re tethered to a spiked collar chain.
To exceed the normal limits, you must sacrifice comfort.
The plans create seemingly-distorted ‘anxiety’
This is autonomous for me.
More than lack of invitation, but even forced entry.



“Live and let live”
Something to go by,
More out of fear than anything else,
Indescribable to those without.
Not as easy as could seem.
The fields of knowledge on which I choose to labor
Often reward me with the riches of preparation.
Those who harvest from these fields grow in self-actualization,
And have more accessibility. And then there are the ‘others.’
Others, they came and ripped up the land, and tangled the enforcers.  The ignorant desolates to which this land encompasses, wasting the resources and spoiling the process, making acquisition harder than ought to be.
Especially when they try to take away Chi
I can’t let them; they can’t let me.

EQ
The basis of my learning
Stemming from the roots of which are embedded from my experience.
Had a lot of original discovery



“Write faster!” ”Type faster!”
Hands not meant to write,
They are so greedy…
Their flailing attempt to translate my thoughts, an effort rendered useless.

Rocko, just sitting there, complaining, “It isn’t fair!  Let me out!”
I respond, or try to,
Horrible thoughts arrive uninvited, with too much force.
Draining my comfort, compassion, Chi.
They just want me to grimace
‘GET OUT!!!!!’ no tranquility attained. Only havoc is made this way.
For many rounds of the mental attack are unleashed on me
If you can call it “me”
I call it “those two”
They sure like ******* with me

Being in the dark helps to ease those attacks.
I have nothing but the empty blue wasteland in my eyes to look through,
Much less chance of attack in this state, they are waiting for a crack in the wall
They know they can still tear me down.

Unprovoked, they attack again, assaulting me with horrible, selfish images that make me shudder
Things I don’t want to be thinking, try to twitch them off, they just come back around
Worse the second time.
The familiar sound of grinding gears tricks my ears and my attention shoots them away
And I rush to the scene to claim my prize!
Momentary clarity & peace
Distraction long enough to just barely forget, I’m so grateful.
My mind was wet.
Then they come back with a spiked club and bash my face in.
The usual.

Animals live to survive.
Humans live to thrive.
Spry lives to die
Chase lives to cry
Sawr lives in-between
Waiting for someone or something to pop the bubble again
Sawr Nov 2010
I'm staring at the space between your eyes,
and I'm starting to think you're real.
Whatever is it that you do that makes me double-take?

I sin and stop, stop and sin
and you always look the same.
you're gaze is piercing my ego,
deflating my mind and making me forget who I am.

When in the end, it all ends the same,
I've always firmly believed in nothing.
But what I think when you look upon me
never seems to be the same.

The means to reach an end that doesn't matter,
I've never thought it differently.
You make me want to mean, and I'm starting to believe you.

I chase the dragon, I follow his trail,
but there he is again.
Chase cuts me off, grabs my wrists and squeezes.
Pleading with me, his green eyes growing, consuming me.

I watch my vapour drift and mist,
up into the infinite sky.
but once it's gone, it doesn't come back,
whereas he's always right there, with those haunting eyes.

I'm staring at the space between my eyes,
looking myself long and hard.
I'm starting to think that maybe I'm real,
But I've got a long way to reach yours or his.

If and when I fall again, and let the beast overtake me,
I re-believe, know for certain, that it's worth fighting again
I want to see that something special
that always seems to put me in my place.

— The End —