I miss the feeling of being in love.
I miss being head over heels for someone.
I miss the feeling of excitement when I wake up in the morning
because I get to talk to that one special person.

I miss the nervousness of first dates and the happiness
that comes with getting to really know someone.

I miss looking at one person and wanting to give them everything that I have and everything that I am.

I want to find someone who not only makes me feel this way.
I want to find someone who I make feel the same way.
I want to be equally, totally, stupidly in love with someone who is
equally, totally, and stupidly in love with me too.

As we sat together on your couch, my legs sprawled across your lap, your arms wrapped around my waist rubbing small circles into my stomach,
I wondered if this is just a fleeting moment.
I wonder if we'll ever be in this same situation again.
It had all happened in a matter of days:
a simple talk, then holding hands under the table at the diner, and
that unexpected kiss as you took me home.
It all happened so quickly that I still feel as if I am sleepwalking.

But you know what? We both decide not to question the
uncertainty of it all.  
Because answering questions now would get in the way,
it could break the spell we have both been put under,
it will wake us both from a dream that has been
wished upon, a dream so painstakingly desired,
but never mentioned.
So we sit together and talk and laugh and smile
ridiculously big smiles and we enjoy each other’s company,
knowing well enough that after this day,
it only get’s more and more complicated.

I am starting to believe that I have lost the ability to love.
I have started to kiss people with no spark, I’ve held empty hands, and slept in the arms of people I do not fully know.
It all started with a boy, of course.
A boy who wasn’t a spark, but was a firework
He was the sun, the moon, the sky, the flowers, etc
He took up so much room in my mind that he practically became my world.

I spent my nights writing poetry about him in the shadows of my room,
Because if I did it with the lights on, I wasn’t able to immerse myself in the memories we created in the dark.
Under blankets and under the stars,
We made promises that would soon prove to be empty,
And we kissed each other so passionately that the feeling of his lips would be stained on mine.

The boy taught me that I could have everything I have ever wanted,
And there could still be a “but”
We were happy together… but hardly in each other’s presence
We were in love… but he didn’t feel the same kind of love
He gave me everything he had… but he didn’t think it was enough.
See, right there was the problem.
He never thought he was enough for me,
But little did he know that he wasn’t just “enough”.
He was everything.