because when I was small I searched for you
in the windows of elementary school busses I searched for you
with razor blades pressed to the insides of my arm
slashing across my chest
just over my heart
I searched for you...and then decided you weren't there
because no god would allow such torture and anguish to arise from a such a small girl


and then ... then they tell me that I am wrong
my love is tainted
that I am rotten, because I love her
and when they found my secret
forcing me out of my closet into judgmental lights
I cursed your name because I knew you weren't there
you were never there..........