******* silly
To think of you at all
To still feel a little sick
That's the problem with moving, you find all those things you hid from yourself
Pictures and love letters
The hate letters that followed
Over the years my memories of you have condensed into a tangle of feelings
Small, but heavy
Love and love and love
Summertime mornings white house blue trim rooftop wildflower bouquets
Atmosphere backyards sunshine is fine for making up
Naked in the lake, maps and
Sheets with ducks
Heartbreak and rage
So lonely
Never enough in the winter, cell phone turned off
Shame and humiliation, regret and guilt
Sick to my stomach
*****
All the things you've called me because of things I'd done before
And now after
You
Had no right
You wouldn't believe how long I've spent trying to cut your words out of my spine
The half-life of all that hurt and
The minefield of defenses you left littered around my heart
It's been three years since the three years that we spent together came to an end
One year since I got your final letter
It was the last goodbye between you and I
And for the most part I don't think of you anymore
I've forgotten far more than I remember about the feel of you
But every January 21st I still look up at the night sky and hear your voice
Telling me that winter stars are the brightest
I wonder if you think of me too
I hope you don't a little more than I hope you do
All the ways I felt about you, each truth making the last untrue
Are tangled in a tight little knot in the back of my mind
Shadows of words that hide in my spine
An unlabelled box in the garage
I couldn't bring myself to throw you away all the way
I hope I never see you again

We talk about change in a series of theories
But you can't just look at your lawn
And tell it to grow into a garden
You have to understand your soil, what it has to offer and what it needs
You have to know your seeds and how they grow
And you can't look at the wounds of the broken and tell them to heal
Like you have the solution
Like there's something to know
Grief isn't looking for answers
It's looking for hope
Respect
You gotta know your history
So take a moment of silence to remember what you already know
And if you have knowledge share it but know that your questions are worth more than your answers
Our language shapes our thoughts and our thoughts shape our world
The distance between us and who we want to be is paved with apathy and greed
It's where the parasites breed
What is it that moves through you?
Because everything, every touch, every hurt, every fear, every word is true simply because it exists
You exist
Our verse carries the power of of the universe but I can't help but feel that we're doing it wrong
That too many of our words serve mainly to mislead
So take care which of the two wolves that you feed
We have a choice in how we use our voice and as for me
I am not the language on my lips, my tongue is native only to my love
I speak in syllable and sound
I have my ear to the ground
This earth is my church
Sometimes I am quiet and reverent, listening
Others I am barefoot running shouting,
Touching all the art
You'll find me praying on a mountain, kneeling in the dirt
Everywhere that I go
I am home
The more I seek, the less I know
The more I question, the more I grow
When I look up for too long, I start to itch
How can I stare into the face of infinity and not feel free?
I don't know where I found these pieces of truth that I hold
But it sure as hell wasn't by being told
So get out of that classroom for a while
This life isn't about proving that there are things that you know
That ****'s not noble
Arbitrary struggles in hopes of some uncertain future
Won't feed your soul
Stop looking for answers to fill all those holes
Carved by the fear of spinning out of control
Our people are devolving into white knuckles, short-sighted stomach knots
Dizzy and sick, so let go
Let the light shine through you and if it burns know that sometimes that's what it means to be true
We are here and that is precious
You are precious
So spin
Spin with me to the music of syllable and sound
Syllable and sound