Do you remember the late nights, street lights?
I remember- forever days, sun rays.
Feeling scared, acting brave, disregarding all the rules.
Fleeting glances, heartbeat trances, impromptu dances.
Every minute was a cherished gift- it’s pitiful, isn’t it?
Rarely have I felt, never have I felt, finally have I felt.
Ever after, nevermore, what was found has now been lost.
New girl? New feelings, new changes, no reasons.
Crying out to understand, that’s all I want- to understand.
Exceptions made to all the rules, where is my friend?
Silence makes friendships drown, so hurry up- rescue us now.

Dear legal codependents,

I am not my daddy’s girl.
I am not my mom’s best friend.
It’s not my choice, it’s who I am.
Have you ever stopped to think, perhaps,
That maybe one of those people you so harshly judge
Is sitting across from you- your own flesh and blood?
How can you love me anymore?
According to you, I’m just a *****.
Abomination, miscreation, I love you, I disgust you, I know.
You’ve lost a daughter, she’s moving on.

Sincerely- your daughter, your first born, your pride.
Sincerely- bisexual, immoral, criminal me.

i used to live another life.
i use to wake up from not sleeping every morning,
look in the mirror, and crave a blade.
i use to cross my eyes when my eyes were closed,
just to feel the world tilt and slide, because then,
maybe,
my brain will catch up and stop tilting and sliding around in my own head.

i used to scream and cry at night, silenced by my own fist in my mouth.
i used to wake up from not sleeping to cuts,
indents in my thigh from my own fingernails.
i use to close my eyes when someone passed me by,
just so they couldn’t see how empty mine felt.

i used to smile and laugh and not feel a ******* thing.
i use to wake up from falling asleep next to somebody,
anybody,
and wonder when the next time i’d get normal sleep would be.
i use to hold my eyelids closed with my hands,
because i was too scared to close them myself.

i used to live another life; i used to be another person.
when i wake up at night, and all i need is someone,
anyone,
i want to turn away from you.
i want you to know me as i am now.
i don’t want to be the shattered one, the one that needs fixing.
i want the chance to be whole.
i want you to not know everything you know.

i realize, though, that it doesn’t matter.
i’ll hide it all from you, the big stuff,
how i’m afraid to sleep,
afraid to walk by myself,
afraid i will lose myself-
in the effort to move away from my old self.
i’ll hide all of that from you, the important stuff,
because who has time for another person, anyway?
in the end, we’re all concerned with i.

i’m sad,
i’m scared,
i’m lonely,
i’m hungry,
i’m angry,
i’m tired,
i’m drunk,
i’m sober,
i’m high.
i’m low.

i will hide it all from you, because i don't want you to see me broken.
i don't want you to see me as the person i was.
i want to be new, and whole, and lovable,
and i want to be the one who helps,
not the one who needs help.
no one lets me be her.
won't you?

the lights are dim, the sun is setting
a glass of wine, half-empty
casts a lonely shadow on the wall

a clock is ticking
a solemn reminder
of how time keeps running
even if we think we’re running
out

i don’t think you know
no, no i don’t think so
i don’t think you know
what you want
a kiss so light, like wings
like wings on skin
featherbeats

invitation, then concession
it’s the same old song and dance
we’re playing it louder and faster
louder and faster than ever before
like moths to a flame
we’re cheek to cheek
chest to chest
skin on skin
with no room to breathe
but that’s how we like it

Hush, don’t speak.
Pretty far fall, isn’t it?
It’s the risk you take, though.
Common knowledge, that.
I mean it when I said don’t speak.
Don’t ask questions.
Just inhale, exhale.
Rinse and repeated.
Anyway, as I was saying.
That’s the risk you take.
When you throw your self into something, I mean.
When you throw yourself into something so far you can only fall.
Unless someone’s there to catch you.
Because then I suppose it’s a trip.
Why do you look so scared?
I’m not gonna push you.
Not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to do, anyway.
Yeah, once you start falling, there’s no stopping it.
No no no, you can’t back away.
Oh please, we both know you don’t want to.
Because if I don’t want to, you certainly do.
Don’t you?
I knew it.
See?
I’m too smart for you, probably because I am you.
Yeah, you’ve been listening to yourself talk this whole time.
The entire time you’ve been looking over the side of this bridge.
It’s awfully foggy today, but then again, when is it not?
No one would see you if you fell.
No one to chase after you and scream as you fall.
No one to see me nudge you just…a little…closer.
Ha, I saw that.
I got you.
Scared you.
Don’t be scared, really.
You want this as much as I do.
So do it.
Jump.

i love it when you say
chrysanthemum, pedestrian
aminals, spectacles, nudist and crotch.

i hate it when you say
motherboard, adrenaline
angry, soaking, wrinkles, and rights.

it’s been too long since I heard you say
anything.

he snarls, she sobs
tears really can fall
and they fall like rain

her tender skin
brutalized
her blueblue eyes
close again

same scene
difference nightmare
she’s screaming louder
so hit me, i dare you to

i’ve been down and out
seen the worst, worse than you
hit me, I dare you to
a simple punch, a vicious word
can’t pierce these scars
can’t close these eyes

these broken eyes

kept wide shut
keep the monster away

put the bottle down
pour it out, throw it away

it’s so amusing how
in one breath
you chastise, criticize

the same behaviors
you so proudly enjoy
you’re oh so *******
you really think you’re tough?

looking down on everyone
from your throne of hypocrisy
as your bloodshot eyes blink, burning
i see you
you’re weaving, waning

if you’re looking for someone
to catch you when you fall
keep on looking, honey; sober up
and keep on looking
for whatever you need to find
cuz you sure as hell won’t find it

at the bottom of a bottle

there will be a day
when the sky will darken and
the clouds will gather and
i will take your hand in mine and
the thunder will rumble and
the lighting will strike and
the clouds will open up and
the rain will pour down and
we will laugh together and
w will run together and
our hair will be ruined and
we won’t care and
we’ll play in the puddles and
we’ll forget we’re too old for that and
our hearts will open up together and
we will finally know who we are meant to be

If I could write a million stories
about the way things used to be,
I wouldn’t write a one.
I’ve tried to forget, to forgive,
pretend you never happened.
It simply doesn’t work.
But I’ve done my crying and
I’m no longer angry.
So I’d like to say, finally,
that you made me who I am today.
For better or for worse, I let you in.
And I’m okay with that, and
have a good day, because…
I will.

there are cattails by the water.
she is watching, and she closes her eyes.
the wind caresses her hair, picks it up and lays it back down.
she lies down, and she opens her eyes.

above her, blocking out the sun, blocking
out everything but the scent of sunshine,
the caress of the wind,
and then the gentlest kiss of hesitation.

They are strangers now, separated by their worlds and walls.
There is no chemistry, no spark, nothing special.
They are simply strangers, sharing a couch.

One is autumn, one is spring;
one likes talking, and the other? Listening.

If walls could talk, they’d weave a tale so tragic.

In the beginning, he was sun, and she was moon.
At the ending, she was running, but he was leaving.

In the beginning, there are many things.
There is music, and laughter, and broken strings.
They have cooperation, and commitment, and promises.
Her mom gives them glasses, his mom gives them dishes.
She has her charcoals, he has his guitar.

At the ending, close to the ending-
There is his guitar, her laughter, they’ve broken things.
And that is all that is left.

Promises and glasses, dishes and hearts.
A year of trying and losing is written on the walls;
the wallpaper- peeling, the curtains- ripping.

He clears his throat, she stills- hoping.
“I’m sorry,” she hears, and it’s okay.
“I’m sorry,” she hears, “that it’s ended this way.”

I’m sorry, she hears. I’m sorry, that it’s ended this way.
I’m sorry, she hears. That it’s ended this way.

“It’s ended this way?”
“I’m ending it this way.”