Trust me you said.
I’m here for good now you said.
For a while it stays true.
You call.
We talk.
I remember every thing you told me about yourself.
My siblings.
I yet have never met to this day.
13 year their big sister who remains a mystery.
Like a good sherlock holmes story, checked out but never returned.
Lost.
You had blonde hair.
Green eyes like the grass
Yellow specks here and there as if the grass was drying out.
Dry and cold like your heart and your soul.
You were short and loved the color blue.
Yet I, your very first child, you know nothing about.
A child nothing like you.
Yet your looks remain upon my face.

You vanish again.
Mommy where’d you go, I ask.
But a mother your not.
You never have been a mother.
Just a sad cold shell to hold me in
Until I was born and then you took daddy’s money and you were gone.
Like you did to the nine other children.
To you they were all just a paycheck in waiting.
Waiting in line.
Nine months at a time.
One after another.
I look around and around.
I call and I call.
Ring after ring.
Click after click.
Answering machine speaks.
Like a broken record that can’t stop.
For fear that if it does...
It will never play again.



I wait and I wait
You left me so why do I care?
Why am I waiting by the phone and praying that you call.
Waiting like a fisherman casting out a line.
Trust me you said.
I’m here now you said.
Trust you?
The only thing you ever taught me was trust no one.
Don’t tell me you promise.
A promise is a mere word you use to get your way.
To make me think that you have changed.
Yet i fall for it.
Over and over.
Just STOP!

Its been two years since we’ve talked.
But I remember your voice like it was just yesterday.
I haven’t seen you since I was five.
But I remember your face.
See it every time I look into that mirror.
An image.
A sound.
That’s all you ever are.
That’s all you’ve ever been.
That’s all you’ll ever be.