Someone please tell me,
when will I stop falling asleep
in a puddle of tears,
and waking up
in a puddle if blood.

I am only human.
I am very human.
I am barely human.
I am rarely human.
I am never human.

I shake these insecurities and scratch away my skin
Close my eyes and bite deep until I bleed again
I know I'm never too good to remember but you'll never forget
The taste of it still lingers on nights strewn with hearts on fire
I cross my heart and hope to live
It's a disease I'm sure but I'm sick anyway
This passion is violent the way love repents
And darkness closes in on me while I'm in daylight
I can't see but I'm open to your opinion
I can't strand this imagination on ancient shores
They crash to me like ghosts and demons drunk on moonshine
Freedom is another word we made up
But forgot to put meaning behind it
I've stitched myself to so many pieces I'm bound to unravel eventually
Will you sew me back up or have you given up on this jigsaw puzzle
It's been so long I've forgotten the words and what any of them meant
I'm so alone it doesn't matter does it

Let me scream
Let me run
Let me fall now from grace
Punching the walls until my knuckles bleed
Feeling you steal the very breath from me
And I stand here alone
Trying to dig you out of my heart
I never realized
You bound me so
Softly stealing the light in my eyes
Seeping into my skin like acid rain
I believed in your lies
But I tried to survive
And all the glass houses I built
Believing to be friendships
Are shattering around me
Because I believed your lies
I believed theirs
I believed
Someone was coming to save me
I gave until I was empty
Until I finally noticed
You hollowed out my heart
Enslaved me to these lies
That I could never matter
Violation
The nightmares of abuse linger still
Just when I thought I could rise above them
I find another disaster in my heart
That can all lead back to you
You convinced me
It doesn't matter
Three words
I built my world around
And I hate you for it
So I cry out to God
Humiliated and broken again
Desperate
For a Savior
Free me from the lies
Save me from my past
Amen

A silence with you
Is not
a silence

But a moment rich
with peace

When the night comes to life and the moon has arrived.
When the clouds disappear and there's no one near.
That weird girl from down the street, cries herself again to sleep.
Even with tears streaming down her face, she would tell you that she's okay.
You can tell by her eyes that she's telling a lie, all we want to know is why.
Why is she lying ?
Why is she crying ?
Is there something that she is hiding ?
Yes there is but she's staying strong and she won't ever tell you what the hell is wrong.

If you leave me ill truly be through
I'm teetering on the edge it's true
I have suffered great loss, as of late
Can't survive more torture or hate

I have hurt you beyond any repaIr
Deceit, half truths, you feel I don't care
Honesty is important to you
I was scared and knew not what to do

Please don't go with an untrusting soul
I would be lost in this world with no role
I've never trusted a man until you
It's breaking my shattered heart in two

You are such a kind, fair, loving man
Treat me like gold whenever you can
I always come first, when its tough on you
I don't treat you the same, I see that too

You think I'm using you, a free ride
So far from the truth, I need you to guide
Until you, I haven't loved a man
Abuse thwarted me, I don't know if I can

Talk about baggage I own it in scores
Don't give up now, salt in open sores
Give me a chance to absorb your love
Ill open my heart and trust God above

what's my pen name you ask
really?
if I wanted to say something out loud
nothing would stop me
I do-- say whatever I want out loud
but what I put on paper
is none of your business
because you couldn't possibly understand

Your breathing chases ghosts away.*
I exhale shotgunned smoke
And laugh at my own words.