I searched for unconditional love
A companion I would have for life
And then I unexpectedly found it
In a pair of sleepy Egyptian eyes

Those big blue green diamonds
His love was sent from up high
The strongest bond then shockingly shattered
I begged God from the floor to pause the time

He was attached to my hip
Through many sad sleepless nights
Then his absence punctured a hole
That destroyed my soul and my mind

Now there's cats on the table
And cats on the chairs
It's taken one of every color
To evaporate my tears

In the morning I still wake
Under warm layers of fur
When I serve a sunrise breakfast
Little eyes and ears are perked

If I'm gone for far too long
I'm rushed with loving worry
Rewarded with sweet whisker kisses
As those reminiscent eyes look up at me

I've never felt a love
More genuine or profound
Than earning a cats affection
And being chosen as part of the crowd

I've started a collection
To fill a void the first one left behind
He was the greatest love I've ever known
That little black cat I held so tight

I might be a little crazy now
But to my loving cats I am God
And my home will never be unhappy
As long as there's cats sunbathing in the yard

A rock hit my windshield
While I was driving down the highway
I surrendered as it quickly spidered
Into a thousand reaching arms
Broken so fast without a moment to flinch
Like that time you left me
Smashed into fragments
I felt every fracture brutally expand
Through my bones as if they were the glass

Across the darkness of the ocean
Moonglow is our only guiding light
Glimmers dance across the water
Waves stretch viciously into the night

As they reach to brush the stars
And slowly dim our brilliant satellite
Explosions of blue split open the decks
Deep bellows from beneath slow down the time

I feel the bow and my heart break apart
Ripped sails sodden with saltwater rain
My loves fallen hands point to the fated bottom
As I bleed into the great elemental vein

Counting breaths amongst the predatory black
I mourn dampened dreams of reaching the harbor
But the rogue can only steal that which we can touch
Our bones become nothing more than wreckage in the water

In the morning we'll fade into ancient yesterday
Rotten flotsam weakened by the vast savage sea
I'll meet you again my love, in the fields of Elysium
As an infinite sunrise sails us into eternity

I was raised
On guilt and shame
A life I didn't ask for
Yet I was to blame
This volatile energy
Seeped into my body and brain
Now my sweat and tears
Are made of acid rain

My eyes only hold focus
On blind red rage
I see everything
Through a lens laced with pain
It's made me a magnet
Attracting instability and disdain
While I'm bullied into hiding
Behind this persona I fabricate

I am not afraid
To say things others hold back
Like how I want to bash your brains in
For everything you lacked
Festering anger inside
Reaches a seething ******
It spills into cruelty
With no warning or white flag

This pure fury engorges
Like an unmilked breast
My dormant wrath is a wave
Waiting for me to crest
You should have just ripped
Me out root and stem
So your failures wouldn't infect me
With this permeating madness

Through every stage of my life
I've been buried under a different mask
All these other people I chose to embody
Spawn from a child made of broken glass

Pieces of my personality were scattered
And over time I slowly picked up the shards
A shattered mirror cannot be perfectly put back together
So I learned to live with the cracks manifested as scars

We're poisoned by love songs and happy endings
And I longed for that slow kiss before the conclusion
The day some perfect man would swoop in and save me
From an adolescent hell I was barely surviving

As I grew more conscious of my body
And became aware of all the ways it could be used
I believed I needed to adapt and be available
And pray in the morning I would still be worthy of fleeting love

I shapeshifted myself to match the scenery
Transforming into these acceptable characters
Maybe I was supposed to be that dreamy happy ending
For friends and lovers that promised to stick around

I let neglectful minds slowly erode me
By chomping at their bate disguised as affection
I ate up their crumbs while flipping through my masks
Until I unveiled the one they saw as perfection

I kept playing all these different parts
To serve others the script I thought they wanted
And when I experimented with staying true to myself
I felt the weight of responsibility for being rejected

The lines of who I actually was started to blur
Between born identity and the other people I had become
I was blinded to the evil I had eventually let in
True love I secured and believed was the one

All those yearning ambitions finally came true
The great escape towards devotion and freedom
I had instead flung myself directly into a shiny new cage
And the person I settled on becoming was mindless and beaten

When I reflect on all those people I have been
Certain choices I've made still haunt me to my core
My personality has mutated too many times to count
Now I hardly recognize my own face in that distorted broken mirror

My only desire was to be loved and accepted for my true self
But unfortunately I never really knew who that was
Too consumed with the idea that I have to be somebody
Tailor made to serve and fulfil someone else

What I never realized is that I am the host of this party
That lonely teenager and somber adult were always in control
Maybe I wouldn't be lost in these costumes I created
And I'd throw away the masks still waiting for their turn

My ex used to say I was his little bird
I thought maybe because I was so small
And every morning I would sing sweet songs
As the sun peaked high through our window

In the evenings we'd sit beside the emptied bath
He'd say I was as cute as a baby white dove
Without knowing I instead began to mourn the life
I had before I held his disconnected love

An endless yearning had grown in my heart
To soar above the rooftops and tall trees
I had evidently become his effortless prey
Falling in love that young is so naïve

I believed I was that measly little bird
A hollow ***** victim crying over clipped wings
Another sacrifice to romanced circumstance
So I built a nest around regret and lost dignity

I used to hate being called his little baby bird
But he had convinced me that we were equal
Until I realized he was the frail white-winged dove
And he caged me because I was an eagle

All the me's that I have been
Are all the voices stuck in my head
They never stop tearing me to shreds
I wish I knew ******* them