How do I know that I'm real?
Is it the flow of water over my hands as I swim through the lake?
Feeling the sun warm my skin at the cresting break of day?
Or is it looking in your eyes with my reflection staring back at me?

How do I know my childhood was real?
A dreamscape of fragmented amalgamations
Could I be a figment of my own imagination?
My demeanor a byproduct of a helpless child unhealed

I don't understand how I'm real
When I can't breathe most of the time
I created a place of comfort to visit in my mind
Now I never feel the same after lifting the thinly woven veil

I don't think I could possibly be real
Often asleep in the day to let the fractal dreams take over
It's more real than dirt left behind on the floor
And my reflection in your bright eyes begins to disappear

How do I know that anything is real?
Is it the way I fly through the magnificent stars at night?
Or the way you see me when I turn off my light?
I keep waking up to this reflection but there's nothing in the mirror

My glorious friend
Who stops my tears
Is always there
Warming the years
My secret lover
Who built a house for my dreams
An eternal companion
Guiding me through the sheep
To be lost with you
Is to sink into the deep
Subconscious arrival
Led to boundless longing
Without you I’m broken
Cracked into pieces
My heavy eyelids
Scratching at the sun peak
The affair of your arrival
Here to steady my breathing
I look for you around every corner
Waiting for my everything
Long days laid to rest
Your comfort is mine to keep
I lay my head in your love
And drift into the arms of sleep

I was a petty thief
Committing celestial crimes
I bounced between the eclipses
Convincing stars to dim their light

Caught in a conjunction
Aiding the planets collide
An orchestrated sunset
Burned out for the last time

Galactic enemy number one
They searched for me far and wide
I hid in constellations
Calculating their divide

An attempt to travel backwards
Found me scaling an event horizon
After searching millions of light years
I was sentenced to human life

I made destruction and chaos
Turned love into painful lies
Tinkered with eruptions and cyclones
Until all of us quickly arrived

I don’t come from here
These streets I was raised
Glorified battlefields crushed
By heavy emotional chains

I’ve lived every life imaginable
It was my punishment to create
Time that moves fast and feels slow
A petty criminal condemned to fate

You don’t know alone like me

Seeped in thoughts and isolation
Regrets of how I couldn’t maintain a connection
I don’t know how to be
A good friend
Or lover
Or kind to anyone, especially me
I imagine a life of peace
Not rage
Or despair
Or endless longing

I crave beauty
In my cave of screaming
Sometimes I convince myself I’m okay
And happy
But when the glass walls crack
And break
And shatter
I’m cut open by my own
Shards of self loathing

Some say I’m too honest
Except with myself
I live in a delusional mindset
Where I’m happy and carefree
I’m healthy and active
Aware and enlightened

The truth of reality is
I’m bold and assuming
Enraged and pessimistic
Seeing things for what they are poisoned my psyche
I trained myself to let go
And I have
Of everything

Now I’m alone
Abandoned self worth
A sulking fate of nothing
Terrified of the end I historically accept
From the moment I was told
I’m nothing at 7 years old
I believed it
I gave in
And I’ve been fighting a losing war
Within myself ever since

I’ve been gone
From my body
And my soul
The tie was severed too young
And I don’t know how to return

No one knows alone like me

I am an elephant
Quietly observing
The crowded room
Of your mind

I take up space
Sinking further
In silent caverns
Eating away at time

I do not speak
However linger
To remind you of failure
Leaving you blind

I am a master
Harboring control
Over chemicals of joy
Stealing light from your eyes

I hold the weight
Pinning down
Your hope for freedom
While you are mine

I am the end
Pursuing possession
With mindful haste
To bury pieces of you alive

I didn’t do the dishes today
Instead I played video games
And ordered takeout again
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t make myself coffee today
Instead I stayed in my bed
And watched a show that I love
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t do the laundry today
Instead I wore the same clothes again
And the walls ate me alive
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I didn’t want to go in there

I didn’t take out the trash today
Instead I stared at my phone
And rotted with the takeout from yesterday
I didn’t want to go in there
There are gnats in the kitchen

I didn’t go outside today
Instead I let the blankets swallow me
And every day I’m more confined
There are gnats in the kitchen
And I don’t want to go in there