if i can't channel beauty
i want to nurture it
fulfill my sycophantic lusts
every time i can be sure
you know exactly what
the **** i'm talking about
and even when you don't
and it doesn't make you
love me any less
two broke idiots
in a hideous city
and this body has
never felt more
mine as it does now

i wanted to be **** and worthless
i wanted a hand firmly wrapped around my neck
to sleep at night
i wanted someone to gouge out these diseased desires
and show me some kind of harmony
and i would feed them and **** them
and they would strip away all the toxic
i would no longer spew stomach acid but words
i would be content with still the capacity for desire
it would be real ******* magic

but i'm learning to want to fight
on my own terms

not letting the fact we don't have much to say
get in the way of the fact that
you don't need reassurance in people
but here you come driving in the dark
to see me

fading in and out of nightmare and nothing
trying to recall that simultaneous warm pulpy ******
what, do you expect me to grit my teeth until bed
without any sort of instant gratification?
am i a ******* dad?
you asked me if i have things to say
and when i'm not controlled by the
constant ache to feel loved
and getting stuck with wounded animals
instead
yes, my guts churn for all the
things i haven't met
that i've yet to make an extension of
'cause i don't wanna  be queen of the gas station
anymore, i guess

you wake up, ?, go to work, ?, ?, ?
what's the last book you read
what's school like
are you spiritual?
are you religious?
are your parents?
when you were a kid
did you get to hang out in the bunk in your dad's truck?
i always wanted to do that
are you close with your them?
how often do you talk to them
does your brother live with them?
is that hard for them?
are you close with him?
your days ...
what are they like
but be more specific
you have a car?
icing on the cake
have you ever thought about leaving?
what's stopping you
you could get a bus ticket to anywhere in the US for, what
actually i bet you could just talk your way into a free ticket
so that's not an excuse
you
are very beautiful
in a natural way
(which is the best of ways)
i think
i would go down on you
for a very very very long time
but mostly
i think
the first time i saw you
i would want to talk with you more