the top of your hair smells like the fire,
the bottom smells like the ocean
still damp, still damp

'it's all my fault'
that he writes again
maybe that's my purpose for him,
for i cannot be what he would like,
i cannot give what he would like
i can only be
and he happens to love me

we exchange white roses

and all is well between us

Your body’s on fire
Rising up on smoke
Don’t let it choke
You into submission

Your mind’s flowin with sounds
Surrounded by light
Breathe, relax, don’t fight
Your natural reaction

Who are you, Sarah Jystad?
You feel so lost, so aloof.
Lost in a labyrinth of clouds and smoke,
you are not even able to see your mind.
Your stream seems is evaporating.
You're longing, you're aching,
you're distracting yourself
with words, with sighs,
with laughter and compromise.

You feel so lost.
You spent so many years
climbing, toiling on a mountain,
up or down, hill or mound,
it is impossible to tell,
but so blindly,
so full of hope to transcend yourself and the fog,
so full of disdain for yourself and your peers.

Who are you?
Are you the hand you see shaking the other's?
Are you the light that decides its own dimness, its own brightness?
Are you the sobs of every past and present tragedy?
Are you the shaking sobs in the extinguished lights?

Who are you?
Are you independence, freedom, kindness, bravery, wisdom?
Are you fear?

Are you your abilities or your adjectives?

Who are you, Sarah Jystad?
Are you your name?
Are you what you feel at this moment,
Exhausted and lonely?
Are you what you felt yesterday,
Vibrant and joyful?

Are you your love
for the wind, the sky, the trees,
for the smiles, the embraces, the caresses,
for language, knowledge, and philosophy?

Does your love for your love swallow you whole and declare,
Voila, it's You!

Who are you, Sarah Jystad?

You are smart enough to know
that You are Everything.

You are a spiritual warrior,
your battle cries inspire your mind.
You are the uninhibited laughter of Freedom.
You are the kindest tears of Compassion.
You are the Strength of every passion.
You are the adventures of the Body.
You are the Comprehending Ego and I of Philosophy.
You are the inevitable paradox of Good and Evil.
You are the silent tears of this Instant.

You are Everything..

You are History, you are Future.

You are Time.

You are those Voids.
You are the Void of all Voids!

Nevertheless, it goes without saying,
You'd be upset if someone hit your head
With a smoking pipe.

i woke up from a dream with weary, teary eyes
we were kissing and it felt so comfortable
a heavy morning, a passed mourning
i'm sinking in question quicksand

it's almost been a year,
but i don't think i've let go of the hope
that awake, you would kiss me
like you used to, like the dream-you does

i've drifted in the ocean, hoping you would run towards me,
i've put my hand down, exhausted from reaching year
but my fingers still stretch out, fan out to make space for your fingers

i found a folded piece of paper in the small wood box
curious, i started to unfold it and i suddenly realized
it is a love letter from you
i blinked and shook in my surprise
and read it and cried

i am so confused
after all this change,
i still miss you

my only cause of sorrow
my utter confusion

a year ago,
we soared in the wing-filled sky
tasting clouds and
crisp romantic clarity.

i can't ask you to help me figure this out.
can you have peace and sorrow?
I know I can't.

My heart misses yours

there is so much to say
that words cannot possibly do
can i please have some of your time?
i want to know why i miss you

Why do we want,
what is the driving force
the compelling, the why?

There is a one who wants nothingness
who doesn't want anything

convention's brow furrows
scolding
loser
failure
useless

freedom's light smiles
free
free
free

are you in want?
Ask
listen

Since the embryonic mental state
My arms have prickled
Tickled like mad.
Recently, post-punishment
Soft, white down
Feathers
Emerged on my back and arms.
A mix of fear and hope
So overwhelming.
As I have avoided
The resentful, the hateful
I’m almost fully grown
Six foot wing span.
I almost ran
So close
I almost ran away
Until I saw their strength

The shy light flickers and flies,
One more leaf dies.
Damp debris, in we reside,
Hiding places that provide
Spontaneous frights
And hilarious sights!
Wafts and wisps,
Wasps and whiffs flirt with stubborn
Stationary stones.
We shall flit upon
The forest floor,
Our home for forever
And more.

Golden eyes lined with
Black.
Pale shoulders hunched,
Slack.
Fingers cautiously
Cross
Across bruised knees,
Lost.
Lovers cross stars,
Loss
Of true lovers’ loves’
Cost.

Little feet dance upon
Little dreams.
Little hands graze chests that protect
Little hearts.
Little faces
Masking
Little minds.
Silly, pointless lives,
You might as well dive,
And hide in a hole,
And conceal your pitiful minds.

I feel it is the right time to let you know that
I love him, but I don't necessarily miss him.
I wouldn't mind seeing him nor would I mind being with him,
But the distance between us does not bother me.
I'm not afraid of losing him, because
I'm not afraid of silly things.
I am far from regretting my decision to leave,
For I have learned and grown much since I've left.
I am in absolute awe of our love,
It's nearly incomprehensible, its purity and passion.
World, I wish you could understand.
I wish you could feel the same delight and freedom;
I wish, with all of my heart, that you could find
Someone that loves you for your every intricacy and quirk.
For if you did,
I believe you would be a much better person, undoubtedly.

Sincerely,
S. J.

Numbers are simply the ends and beginnings of fractions
each eye opening
each blink
all melds into one single
millionth second thoughts
identification exists and arrives with preferences
Everything makes me laugh!
Oh, the gods are exceptional jokesters.
Outloud, inside, cries of glee, confusion,
Me.
Oh, truly talented gods,
You are the best actors yet.

You I ask me, “Do you have the time?”
You I ask me, “Is it mine?”
You I ask me, “Do you mind?”
You I tell me, “Give me a sign!”

You might as well have no fence
since you're just going to jump from side to side,
rolling from side to side and in circles and in zigzags,
Throwing your body like a flailing fish,
Bending your pointer and just
Touch
It to the other lawn.
You'll just desecrate one side's bushes
only to give the other your excrement as a
sort of Mad Hatter's pagan offering.
You'll relieve yourself on the lawn,
upset the owner of said lawn,
who complains excessively about how tediously he cared for each blade,
how furious he was at your insensitivity and indecency,
how his heart is now as crinkled and dry as the result of your relief,
who then suddenly realizes yellow is his favorite color
and
pays you
to ***
on the rest of the green.

I believe they
learned the ways of
Simple living,
Meditation, and change
From trees' perpetual enlightenment.