Have you ever experienced that inherent sadness like a lump inside your chest that wont just go
And as night would arrive it’ll make you twist and turn in bed like an uneasiness.
You don’t know what’s causing it cause everything in your life is absolutely perfect but theres still this emptiness this feeling of being so lost and deserted on a planet like this.
Like you’re put in a place and you have not been told why you’re put there or why you even exist for that matter.
Like you have a billion questions in your mind but theres never going to be anything or anyone that could answer your questions.
And everything although seems meaningless but nothing could be more meaningful than this.

Blankets of streetlights
Hiding underneath the night sky
The palm trees were dancing
we’re choking away at the madness of our chaotic happiness
smoking away moments
knitting memories in our brains
What have we lost?
Absolutely nothing
theres rain in your eyes
and lightning in my skies
heavens burn as we’re chasing each other
Never letting go
Never coming together

And so it happened
Soul crushing
Like a weight of some kind was constantly loaded on you
Its asphixiating you
But relieving you
At the same time
And suddenly
It seems like youre inside an ocean
Thats frozen
And all you do
Is try so bad
To find a way
To escape this cage
of soul dismantling water
And at one point
You let go
You submerge deeper
Much deeper
And it feels
So light
Youre not trying to get out of that frozen ocean anymore
Youre just going to stay inside of it
And drown
With every ******
A deeper realm
Awaits you

That old song playing in my playlist
this morning wreaked of an older winter
The music gave me jitters just like the wind in that December
The memories that were brought back smelled of cupcake icings and foamy warm coffees under a starry sky
The sunlight through my windows was now starving to crash through the cruel almost transparent curtains
The loneliness left footprints on my floor
And snuggled with me in my bed
Nostalgia held my hand
And i let myself tuck to it for the rest of the day..

The lights were a crazy blue
The windows needed a repair
For when the winds brushed against them
My eyes on the ceiling did stare

For months at night
I yearned for sun
A sun that illuminated through my chest
And the moon changed phases
It ran through the mazes
I knew it was all for the best.

The canvas now
a sharp stinging red
Said things i could have never said
I lay there still
No words to say
No sadness and no regret

You carry an open wound everywhere
And you dont care
It's all an illusion love
I must tell you that
You'll forever be wounded and hurt
You carry your pains to the mountains
They heal for sometime
You return to people
Fresh wounds for you
Reality was like another dimension for you
And it was always too claustrophobic to live in there
Too much wounding all the time
How will you bear it all with your weak shoulders and your bony little ankles
Love, i must tell you that
You'll forever be wounded
You heal for a while when youre hiding in those forests
But they would trap you and bring you into the world
You wouldn't want them to do that to you again,
Would you love?
Your skin is gold
And the bruises are fresh
You must love yourself
Curl up in a ball
And hug yourself
The wounds would heal if your warm hands cover them
You are a healer.
You probably always were.
The wounds will heal.
And you will heal them.
May be under the pink stormy night sky someday
When you are sitting there on your own
Listening to your lover - music.
Yes,he'll always be there to calm you
So listen to him
And let the moon be your lamp
The winds,your lullaby
And the thoughts of oceans and mountains would clot your ****** wound.
They always do.

There was an innocent me
And there was an innocent you
But when we met
And it was winters
The seasons changed
The hurricanes and cyclones were arranged
The volcanoes oozed fire
We were helpless
The galaxies collided
And supernovas were impregnated with stars
That was the impact
You see,
I never wanted this to happen.
But we were always a catastrophe together
My love.

I wanted to lie in grasses
I wanted to stroke your hair
I wanted to look at the moving sky
While sleeping ..snoozing
Sobbing.
I wanted to bring my lips as close to yours as possible
And still never kiss.
I wanted to get wet with you
In the rain
So when i closed my eyes
And they were all teary
You held my face
And I was forever lost in the depths and dimensions of your mouth
I held your hands
They were warm.
You licked the last tear that oozed out of my closed eyes
You ran your tongue through my lips
Outlining them
I wanted you to know
You were my only version of reality
You were the stardust
And I was just a planet
A moving rock,may be
Your light was the only validation of my existence.
I ran my fingers over your mouth
Looked into your galactic eyes
And with the satisfaction of ending myself tucked to you
I let myself succumb to the black hole inside of me.

She looked like a frozen lake.
One seemed to think that the cold ice is all there is to her.
Hard.
Rough.
Impenetrable.
Anyone coming near her would might as well die of hypothermia.
No one saw the depth there was.
The warmth below the frozen ice.
The life inside the lifeless.

Sometimes I feel like drowning in so much noise.
That my ears fail to perceive anything.
The kind of noise that makes me dive ..and realize silence at the end of it.
So much noise that my auditory tube might just even start to bleed.
Bleed with utter calmness.

May be we're all going to hell
May be there are no survivors at all
May be we're all trying very,very hard to save ourselves
But we are not able to
And we know how much it's wearing us out
How much the hopeless us is taken over our **** spirit
And burning it over and over again
Reminding us we can never find peace
Reminding us that may be this is what we deserve
May be this is how we can ever save ourselves
By getting as burnt as possible
By wounding us to the point where no blood oozes out from our skins
By shredding us into tiny insignificant flying bits
By producing in us a mutation that dissolves us into a nothing
May be that's our only nirvana
May be that's the only redemption.