I wanted to lie in grasses
I wanted to stroke your hair
I wanted to look at the moving sky
While sleeping ..snoozing
Sobbing.
I wanted to bring my lips as close to yours as possible
And still never kiss.
I wanted to get wet with you
In the rain
So when i closed my eyes
And they were all teary
You held my face
And I was forever lost in the depths and dimensions of your mouth
I held your hands
They were warm.
You licked the last tear that oozed out of my closed eyes
You ran your tongue through my lips
Outlining them
I wanted you to know
You were my only version of reality
You were the stardust
And I was just a planet
A moving rock,may be
Your light was the only validation of my existence.
I ran my fingers over your mouth
Looked into your galactic eyes
And with the satisfaction of ending myself tucked to you
I let myself succumb to the black hole inside of me.

She looked like a frozen lake.
One seemed to think that the cold ice is all there is to her.
Hard.
Rough.
Impenetrable.
Anyone coming near her would might as well die of hypothermia.
No one saw the depth there was.
The warmth below the frozen ice.
The life inside the lifeless.

Sometimes I feel like drowning in so much noise.
That my ears fail to perceive anything.
The kind of noise that makes me dive ..and realize silence at the end of it.
So much noise that my auditory tube might just even start to bleed.
Bleed with utter calmness.

When I was younger my mom had a cape.
I used to believe she was some superhero that came and saved us whenever we needed.
And I can’t tell you how many times she came to my rescue.

Through scraped knees, broken hearts, blistered fingers and life changing conflicts, she was there holding out her hand.

I used to think my mother owned the world.
She had a way to make it seem like it stopped spinning when she tucked us in at night.
Like we were the only things that mattered when the moon fell.

She battled Love, proper balance and belonging for years. But I couldn’t be more appreciative that we were the motive behind her struggles.

She was a wrecking ball labeled with dedication.
Destroying buildings full of poverty and mental *******.
And she even helped clean up the debris.

I’ve never seen anyone stand so tall after being knocked down so many times. It makes me feel weightless in knowing I have such a gravity shifting role model.

So this Christmas I won’t wish for anything for myself.
I won’t ask for anything to help sort out my troubled thoughts or materialistic struggles.
And I certainly won’t entail anything that strays from you being the subject matter of today.

All I do ask is that you Love yourself as much as I Love you.

You are the strongest, most intelligent and most inspiring woman I will ever know and I’m so lucky to be able to call you my mother.
I am forever cherishing you bringing me into this world and raising me the way you have. I take lessons from you daily and I’ve ended up more than fine.

Thank you, for being you.
*I Love you, mom.

May be we're all going to hell
May be there are no survivors at all
May be we're all trying very,very hard to save ourselves
But we are not able to
And we know how much it's wearing us out
How much the hopeless us is taken over our **** spirit
And burning it over and over again
Reminding us we can never find peace
Reminding us that may be this is what we deserve
May be this is how we can ever save ourselves
By getting as burnt as possible
By wounding us to the point where no blood oozes out from our skins
By shredding us into tiny insignificant flying bits
By producing in us a mutation that dissolves us into a nothing
May be that's our only nirvana
May be that's the only redemption.