The words "I love you" always seem to tumble around in my mouth like clothes in a washer, and I can't ever seem to lay them out to dry.

I have only ever visited NC 3 times in my entire life. I like lots of cream and sugar in my coffee.

I have never broken a bone in my life. I have, however, felt very broken.

And that hurts more than breaking a nose or an arm or a rib even.

If I could sum up all the things that break me, they all add up to a whole. I am whole because of the things that break me apart.

One of the three times that I visited NC, I stood at the top of a mountain that I cannot recall the name of and breathed a long breath.

The air was cold and stale and harsh.

But, ****, it felt good.

If your heart is in the mountains, can I sit in the seat across from it?

When I breath a long breath, know that I am not sighing. I'm just taking you in.

I will take you in only twice, once for each bone you've ever broken. What I'm trying to say is, would you like to have coffee with me sometime, my darling valentine?

I still feel you in my bones,
like someone engraved your existence into them.
If you ever feel like you're losing yourself,
it's because you're disappearing into my skeleton.
You're fading into me.
But, it isn't filling me out.
It's actually causing me to fade away, too.
I'm in ruins.

Take me to the mountains,
where the trees sing hymns and the sun lays low.
Take me to your favorite hiding place,
where the monsters are.
I want to go everywhere.
I want to see it all.
I want to walk the world surrounding us.
I want to walk the world inside of you.
I want to walk the world.
Take me to the mountains.

I try to conjure up words that can explain what you did to me.
But, the truth is nothing can epitomize the pain you brought upon me.
Abandonment. Above all, you were abandonment.
You left me lying in the middle of the road.
You left me for dead.
Our love was just a hit-and-run for you.
An entire year spent running me over with your high horse,
and you still have yet to see the bruises on my ribs.
I am broken.
I am road ****.


You will never love me as much as you love yourself.

And this is where the love notes end.
This is where we pretend nothing ever existed between us.


Or maybe we were pretending it even existed in the first place.

I wanted to let you

Know that I never meant to

Make things hard.

I wanted to let you

Know that I never meant to

Hand you my heart.

I want to let you

Know that I never meant to

Make you the subject of all these words.

I want to let you

Know that I never meant to

Hand you over to her.

I want to let you

Know that I never meant to

Ask you to walk away.

I want to let you

Know that I only meant to

Make you stay.

I want to let you

Know that I only meant to

Love you deeply.

I want you to let you

Know that I never meant to

Let this **** me.

But, I suppose

What they all say is true.

That things don’t always go as planned,

That sometimes plans fall through.

You didn’t know what I was capable of.

In fact, you didn’t know me at all.

And I got sick of holding a key in front of you.

I got sick of saying this means this and that means that.

I should not have to explain what I am about, it is exhausting.

You always looked at me the way girls dream of being looked at,

but it turned out to be only a wasted, blank stare.

I’m going my own way,

surrounding myself with people who don’t look at me

like I’m some ******* puzzle.

I am not a puzzle.

I am put together just fine,

and I don’t need your bottle of glue to keep it that way.

We have all convinced ourselves
That we are better off alone.
We believe that is the solution.
But, that won't rid us of all the pollution
Left behind by the trail of cruel words
Dropped on other people because
We thought they deserved  our trash.
That won't make the fight stop.
You cannot run away from the battle
When it lies within you.

Let’s get carried away, love.

Carried from mountaintop to mountaintop,

from cloud eight to cloud nine.

If you are looking for a balloon to cling to,

I will gladly share mine.