I have no concept of time anymore
ask me what today is
I’ll say
19 days since you left
the impressions of your fingertips still linger on my skin
the words on the page only form your name
ironic because all books have an end
so I guess I’ll stay on this page forever
I swear I hear your voice calling my name
but the wind settles and it is silent again
I hope you read the letters I wrote to you
but I can’t seem to remember if I ever sent them
I can only recall
the bloodstains on the carpet
and my screams echoing off the walls

I had a dream
that you called
to tell me you were waiting outside my door
uninvited
unexpected
after months of unreturned calls
you took my hand the way you used to
and pulled me to your waist
whispering sweet nothings into my ear
that’s all they were
just words
that meant nothing
with a faint sweet aftertaste
left on your tongue
that I couldn’t get enough of
I woke up
to the familiar scent of dried blood
an empty bottle of pills
and sweet nothings echoing in my head

and now she’s screaming
at the top of her lungs
because she can’t bear to lose him
and she doesn’t have enough tears inside her
to drown herself before he goes

The sea reminded her so much him
The way all of the people who passed were drawn to it
It is so beautiful in every light
The way the sun revealed its depths in shades of blue
And then at night, when there is no light to reveal its mysteries
the way it crashes against the rocks on the shore is the only indication of how it feels

She loved to be in the sea
The way the waves enveloped her body
That is the closest she’d ever get to him again
Its hands wiped away her tears but each time she reached out to hold them they slipped away

She let the sea fill her lungs the way he had once before

The sea reminded her too much of him

He forgets her name after three beers and several glasses of whiskey.
She can’t sleep because his name is the only thing on her mind.
A stranger takes his hand; he doesn’t care to know her name.
She muffles her sobs with a pillow, unaware of the reality of her fears.
He takes her to his apartment and touches her like he knows her name.
Another morning, she wakes up alone.
He wakes up next to another girl with another name he doesn’t remember.

maybe it was a fit of nostalgia

or the way the light reflected off the glass

but I swore in passing

I saw you

and for a split second

my heart stopped

whether out of fear or joy

I cannot say

however

at second glance

it was a stranger

so perhaps it was you after all

I woke up
to the pounding of the rain on the roof
with the cruel misconception
that it was your heartbeat
I lay
listening
as the raging storm reminded me
of the way we used to ****
I admit to the sick thought
that I hope you call her my name in bed
and I hope it leaves you wanting more
and that the rain streaming down the window pane
reminds you of my face
when I watched you walk away