Do you think that there are others
Who've also met lifetimes ago
who continue to find each other
over
and over
and over again
Throughout the courses of their lives

Teach and grow and mold and flow
Piecing fleeting moments together
In order to create a reality
That is altogether ours entirely

Existentialism and bourbon on Saturday
Pancakes and prayer filled Sunday mornings
We'll hold church between my thighs and remember what it's like
To believe in something other than God.

You’re like all the nice parts of everyone I’ve ever dated.
Except there’s none of the parts I hated. 

I wanna make you breakfast every morning, nap with you every afternoon. 

Wake up to dessert on the kitchen table. 

You bring out all the parts that hide from me 

A trigger filled landmine

You’re my landline but ******* I’m lying if I say I’m fine 

Because I’m ****** up and the truth *****
That I want nothing more than your touch 

Say it again, run away with me

We’ll sit in the sand 

Take my hand

And we’ll wash away our sins like the day we were baptized that one Sunday 

But we don’t believe anymore 

And you don’t call me like you used to 

Trying to forget the mess you made 

Telling myself that it will be okay

Though you’re in my head fifty times a day 

Of course I’ll pick apart every word you ever said 

Turning them over between my fingers

And I remember 

The way your hair smells like honeysuckle 

And your laugh feels like velvet
Your skin, like silk. 

Or my favorite **** rug, depending on the day.
Except you’re not turquoise, but I would nap on you every **** day. 

Coming up with words to fight this tugging in chest.

And I’m trying so hard to forget the imprint you left on me. 

But I can’t seem to get my **** together.
Fighting a one sided battle, within this skull of mine.

Arguing with reality, for its lacking credibility.
Had a date with the reaper.
Handed me the shovel, I told him I needed to wait. 

Because while my lungs struggle for air

I’d rather feel this way

For it’s a sign that I’m alive

And that you’re in my life

If only when I sleep 

So, I’ll meet you in my dreams

Where we have no fear

I promise to court you every night

So that you wake up embraced by the beautiful light 

See you on the other side

I'm content with my discontent.
Because at least now I know that we're linked.
By what I don't know.
I'm still achy.
But no longer used up.
This is where we're supposed to be.
This is what I'm supposed to say.
Lessons learned, inch by inch.
Afraid to fall, but I forgot my parachute on purpose.
I'd follow you for a thousand miles and leave the map at home.
Waiting for headlights and glances filled with secret romances.

And I'm learning to love myself all the same. Without your taste between my teeth. I want it all, and I want nothing. Blue eyes, with pupils the size of dimes. Come here my darling, let me be your novocaine. I'll numb the pain in your lungs when you breathe. Take my breath away as I whisper his name. Three layers peeled, half past three; what a coincidence that might be. Hold me once more, and tell me you're proud of who I am again. Let me be the pillow you sob into at night, while you lament your life. Cradle yourself in my chest, I'll share my breath. But you're under lock and key, and I've misplaced mine. Skin as smooth as your words, and fingertips as cold as your heart. Aching, and a wetness around my eyes. Sorrow not for you, but for my inability to take away your discontent. Sink your misery in my fingertips, I'll promise I'll burn them away with this next cigarette.

I don't understand how my body can be in one place.
But pieces of me reside in you.
And somehow there's still left over bits of me left underneath his fingernails.
And when I hear your voice, all I can hear is the way you sound when you say "I love you, Sarah."
Love me. Love all of me.
Because there is not a single day where you don't cross my mind at least thirty times.
And there is not a single week, where your voice doesn't show up in my head.
I don't understand how the sky allows these thunderstorms to enter her.
Or how the shore lets the ocean continuously kiss her, even as he erodes away her edges.
And yet, I allow you to do the same.
My hands don't feel the same as yours.
They're not as rough, but I'm learning to love them all the same.

You don't like who I am anymore. You see my true colors you say. If this is true then you must see the red burning my chest and the grey that's become my lungs from all the cigarettes I smoke to get you off my mind. If what you say is real then none of this ever happened, every word, every kiss, every touch completely invalidated by your words. Your words like venom sparked by the anger and jealousy that torments your mind, but you don't see the tears in my eyes because I've stayed up too late and now I'm watching the sun rise. You don't see the way my stomach clenches up when that **** breeze blows by and I breathe you in again. It gets me every time. You're stuck in between a rock and a hard place, but this time I'm just the hard place. I'm uncomfortable, making you ache like an anchor on your chest. A burden carried around in your pocket like a ton of bricks. Ones that weigh you down and yet keep you free.

And in that moment there was an understanding, becoming a witness to the pieces of me falling away as I leave the terminal. Two parties miles apart but tied together by these light posts which illuminate the darkness between us.

Wedging myself between the two as if to say it's me, not you. No longer will you take residence in a place that is not your own. No longer will you be allowed to swim in the membranes of his chest. For I flow through these arteries. I stake claim in the unknown. An unknown home that has been robbed of it's most valuable possessions. Take what you will and leave. For I am tired of allowing strangers in my souls resting place.

I don't remember what it's like to be touched by another's hand but yours. I don't remember what it's like to taste lips that aren't soaked with secrets with a hint of sweetness. And the thought of being robbed permeates my pores, poisoning my veins. I'm sitting here screaming, waiting for you to turn around.

You know, when the breeze blows just right, I can feel the way it felt with my head buried in your chest. And the way you smelled of coconuts and lime. So I'll close my eyes and wait, until I'm back in your arms. Reminding myself that I know how to breathe, because every time I think of you I can't remember what its like to have  air in my lungs.

I'll keep these bruises on my heart as a reminder of who you are- of the beauty which encompasses your whole being and radiates light from every sweet word spoken from those rose colored lips that taste like honey. My bones ache everyday, and I'd rather it stay that way then forget your face.