We live in layers like the ocean
Some swim deep enough to drown
Reaching out to the warm surface
For a single gasp of sunlit air
To keep from sinking further down

On the bottom of the sea floor
Lungs filling with fear and doubt
We crave the shallow end of simplicity
A thoughtless shell spread across the banks
Yearning to dry out

A mind moves fast like a current
Strong waves keeping us bound
Living to be free like the water
We hope for an anchor to cut through the layers
So that we may be found

My abandonment issues came from me
I abandoned myself in my time of need
My inner voice says evil things
I only hear myself when I say I’m nothing

I never knew how to take care of me
Only existing for other peoples needs
Cast aside like all abandoned things
Now I’m alone and know I’m nothing

This paper no longer cuts it
And the words I use have lost meaning
My ink is drying out and;
I’ve lost focus in the goals I’m not achieving

Motivation comes from inspiration
And the fire is dying out
The spices have lost their flavor and;
I’m losing my battle for sound

If this doesn’t make sense
It shouldn’t
I’m not trying to impress him or her

My purpose is to give hope but;
That’s impossible when I’m not heard
I don’t believe in tall tales
But I can’t help but break every mirror

If this sounds like a cry for help
It isn’t
I just want my reflection to disappear

The smile on my face is deceiving but;
No one would know the difference
I’ll cross my fingers behind me
In hopes that no one will notice

If you listen carefully
And read between the lines
You’ll take this in your own sort of way

If you think this is a plea for attention
It isn’t
You just simply don’t understand what I say

I wanted
To become nothing
And nothing I became

So now
I am
And more importantly
I am not

Inside the art gallery halls
I watched you
Instead of the show

In the wet parking lot
I kissed you
Underneath the light snow

In another life
I may have loved you
But my car slid off the road

I had poems
On the tip of my tongue
Then life
Piece by piece
Cut it off
And silenced me

My voice is
Frozen in the dark
Every day
Little by little
It'll get colder
Until it shatters me

My love was your IV bag
for replenishing your confidence
and reinforcing control

You mainlined my empathy
my desire for reciprocity
and established a satisfying home

My compassion became your approval
to erode my dignity
and self-worth

Every day was a web laced with gasoline
a smolder of desire
isolating any hope

My helplessness was your nourishment
a feast on my weakness
picking the bones of my soul

You stole every moment available
throwing tantrums of demands
always begging for a little more

My strength became your virus
and I allowed it to **** what grew
proving that I didn't need you at all