If history repeats itself like we play our favorite tunes
If human beings tend to orbit just like planets and their moons
If the mind and heart expand like scientists know the cosmos is
If good and bad can balance out in some kind of osmosis
If people can be kind at heart but even more so, kind in deed
If the human touch outweighs every other basic need
If dreams are more like memories the soul has lost and found again
If we're just strangers in a strange land imagining some greater plan
If, as life goes on, all things give in to rapid rise and fall
If all this is true, maybe that's why I'm not afraid of you at all.

I made my way through time and space without a map.
I just assumed it all someday would fall into my lap.
I thought each mistake was a lesson learned, no matter what the cost.
I guess I took a few wrong turns to get this lost.

Many times I thought I'd found somebody just as lost as me.
I'd say, "We could get out of this mess together baby, how would that be?"
And he'd reach for me and say, "Let's go this way - I think I see a light."
But every hand I took led me deeper into the pitch black night.

This valley of shadows is not my home.
It's unbelievable how the time has flown.
I am weary and I am spent, but I am no longer blind;
No longer fumbling in the dark for something I may never find.

Shine your light on me, open my eyes up wide!
I know I'm not used to the world outside...
But there are things that i want to see, and a person i want to be.
I will make myself new, I will pull us both through
I will mold myself to you, so perfectly.

Find my hand in this darkness and i'll lead you toward the light of day.
I am no longer lost and now i'm sure i know the way.
I was just too afraid to say, "I don't want to go out there alone."
Nobody else could find me - I was somewhere only you could've known.

And I've been waiting here all along for you to bring me home.

we thought we could put a face to a name
a name to a feeling, someone to blame
a feeling to a knowing, an answer to the call
a nifty, attractive package for our souls, zero flaws
a list of our ingredients, nutrition facts and fictions
that nobody ever really reads or even really mentions

and yet we still hungered for something more
to be like children in the summer, like we were before
we kept searching for the answer to the popsicle stick riddle
we gobbled love up before we even got to the middle
so that the melted sugary slush dripped down our chins,
stuck to our hands like tar, like the blood of all sins

you loved me more than the rest but i'd failed all your tests
you knew that i'd already given you my best
love's sweetness was gone and i turned to run
your words tore through me, point blank, the damage was done
exhausted and unraveling, i cried tantrum tears till morning
knees scraped, wounds agape, i bled red dye #40
heart on fire, i came home still stamping out sparks
i was scolded and hugged for staying out after dark
and you climbed into your bed just like any other day
ignoring the spaces beside and inside you, you drifted away

and just like i always leave them before i am left
just like you always give freely and then accuse them of theft
we brought down the stars as we opened our hearts
but nothing could stop us from falling apart
in the halcyon summer when we glistened with dew
i confessed and undressed myself in front of you
and still you believed there was more i could prove
i became a stain on your mind that could not be removed

so i am the victim and the bully. okay? **** it, you got me
and i've spent way too much time being someone who's not me
but i've felt your heart loving, and i've felt your heart breaking
and the love that i have is all yours for the taking
because it has to be true, i have to believe
(and i know that you all must think me naive)
but love is always the answer when the question is "why?"
-to understand this simple truth i had to bleed myself dry-

when there was nothing left to believe in, nothing left to stand for
when all of my heroes were gone or on their way out the door
and i still woke up reaching for someone who was gone
when my shrink said i was better but i hadn't moved on
no, i was not fighting those demons for fun
from the depths of hell, I sought heaven in the barrel of a gun
but i put it down
for you
because i knew
we are one.

we are thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same beating heart
and inside of our human suits i bet you couldn't tell us apart
somehow you and i cannot cease to exist

nothing else in my head really makes that much sense.

Let me always see the world this way:
Looking up from a daydream to find the moon growing brighter
I realize that I too grew brighter while imagining your face

Let me always exist this way:
Lost in a daydream where you and I are free from fear and pain
I realize it was your hand that cut loose my chains

Let me always think of you this way:
Half-awake, in limbo between dreams and reality
I realize that in both I crave the sound of your voice just the same

Let me always see the world this way:
Staring at the moon whose glow also shines upon you
I realize from somewhere deep within that our love has already overcome everything

I found out fast that fantasies are nightmares with a honey twist.

I saw hate behind eyes I adored, tasted venom on the lips I kissed.

Darkness ebbed and flowed like tides in veins beneath my lover's skin.

I had to swim ashore before the current took me once again.

This isn't a test, but you have all the answers.
This isn't a dream, but you need to wake up.
This isn't a toy. It's my heart, and it's breaking.
You know that I'm yours, so just tell me you're mine.
This is my last cigarette, and I'm running out of time.

A crooked, winding path that leads me slowly to my fate
A journey of both bliss and pain that ends up at a gate
In my travels down this road I have made many foes and friends
And I've wondered endlessly who'd be beside me at the end

I'm cursed when love tears me apart
I'm bruised and covered up in scars
I'm cursed because I fall too hard
I'll never have a brand new start

Maybe one day we'll know exactly why it took so long
Why we kept on loving them when they all told us we were wrong
Why the people in our lives all tossed us out like broken toys
Why we searched but didn't find a thing amidst the crowds and noise

We're cursed when love tears us apart
We're bruised and covered up in scars
We're cursed because we fall too hard
We're all alone out in the dark

One day, my friend, the universe will greet us at death's door
And on that day we'll know why it was so **** hard before
To learn to live with doubt, with grief, with anguish, without love
Feeling everything at once as if the volume was turned up

We're blessed when it tears us apart
We're beautiful despite our scars
We're blessed when we fall way too hard
We made the most of each beat of our hearts

And at the end of everything, when we depart this earthly plane
And our souls forget the feelings of heartbreak and of pain
I'll be waiting on the other side, for better or for worse
To greet you with the stars, unless of course, you get there first

There are no second chances.
This world is not our home.
Our life is just a road we're on...
The destination is unknown.

Paint my smile on at night, and it's smeared off by dawn
Need to set all this right just so I can move on
These things that I love, they aren't letting me breathe
Don't need a sign from above, I'll just pack up and leave

I used to think maybe I'd wait and he'd show
Taught myself not to hate time for going so slow
Patience is nice, till it starts wearing thin
That's when biding your time starts tasting like sin

Fool me once, fool me twice, do me wrong, make me cry
Did you know this whole time I've been telling a lie?
I was never the victim, just a generous crook.
It was me using you. Oldest trick in the book.

I laid down beside you.
You knew I was there but you didn't acknowledge me.
A few minutes later, I started to cry.

I went to my room and sobbed.
You knew I was hurting but you didn't comfort me.
I can't figure out why.

I got you a present.
You knew it was there but you didn't open it.
It's an old Venitian-style vase.

I got you a card, too.
I didn't know a hallmark card could be so honest.
It says "I know I'm older, but I still need you. Just in different ways."

My friend's dad passed away.
I knew him well. He was a good man.
I'm glad you're still here. I don't want you to die.

Happy Birthday, Mom.
I know deep down that you love me.
I really did try.

How can you desire not one thing, yet look at me that way?
How can you speak those words with no intention?
How can you leave me guessing what I should or shouldn't say?
Your motives are beyond my comprehension

It never meant a thing to you, beginning or the end
No in-betweens or could-have-beens exist
I made myself a fool for even trying to be your friend
And living my life on your waiting list

There was not enough of you to have; though I tried to take too much.
Your eyes so shallow that I could not drown.
So instead, I went and hung myself on your every single word,
And now there's no one who can cut me down.

My world is crashing down all around me, and my life is changing fast.
I thought some things would stay forever but it turns out that they don't last.
I've prayed for love to find me, I've begged and I have asked,
All the while not realizing that the moment had just passed.

Your patience gently leads me to the place where I belong,
Back to who I really am; in my weakness you are strong.
Although I may wander, and I may do you wrong,
It's you, it's always you and it has been you all along.

So please forgive me for these words that I have kept inside
I see now that there's no point for me to try to hide
Because your love always finds me, it cannot be denied
And I am infinitely blessed to have you by my side

And if I turn my back, you're free to walk away
Just know that no matter what there will always come a day
That I'll come running back and without doubt, to you I'll say,
"I love you, forever" and in your arms I'll always stay.

You told me I was worthless just like a real man would
If anyone was to change your mind, I guess I never could
Now that my heart is bruised and beaten, barely pumping blood
I've begun to realize, my love, that I can do no good

Your meaningful electric stare, words careful and precise
I almost fell in love with you, and for that I paid a price
Because now no one has a chance, mere romance won't suffice
Ever since your careless words turned my heart as cold as ice

Although you may have said those things, although you were unfair
I think that you were immature; I think that you were scared
I didn't want to hurt you and I never would have dared
So how the hell can you tell me that you have never cared?

Your voice, it kills me every day; I can't live with this pain
And all my silent prayers and pleading seem to be in vain
I hope one day you're driving home and it begins to rain
And it dawns on you just what you lost, as you slowly go insane.

This self-centered heart keeps on beating
My weak mind won’t just lay down and die
Numbly grasping for truth to hold onto
What you can’t feel cannot satisfy

My high horse is just an illusion
I’m swamped in **** up to my knees
At my best I am easy to disappoint
At my worst I’m so **** hard to please.

Can you taste the desire in my kiss, boy?
It’s not you that I’ve been looking for
I don’t want anyone in particular
I prefer for my heart to be sore

Pick me up off the ground or come join me
While I hide myself deep in the grass
I don’t know how I’m here in the first place
I don’t know when this fever will pass

Should I just want this all to be over?
Do I savor and capture and seize?
This young heart may seem easy to break, love -
But it’s locked, even I have no keys.

i’m sorry that i held your hand. it wasn’t mine to hold.

i’m sorry if i hurt you when you knocked me out stone cold.

i’m sorry that i never told you thanks for all you’ve done.

you used to mean the world to me. you left. that world just spun.

we used to talk for hours about the future, here and now.

i used to look to you when i just didn’t know how

to deal with life eternal and face what i had become,

and the next day loomed before me, and my head just ached and swum.

i think you’d hate this poem cause the rhyming’s too cliche

for your post modern point of view that defines the words you say.

i think you’d like the idea of me missing you to death.

cause you’d like the way those memories catch my throat and steal my breath

i don’t hate myself anymore - that day did finally come.

i still wish you’d been with me when i got off that plane in rome.

i wish that you could see me now as i emerge from deep inside.

you could if you wanted to, but who am i kidding? you’ve just got too much pride.

so just sit there, ponder abstract things, think thoughts deep and profound.

pray to the universe. one day it just might come around.

i think of you now and again and wonder why on earth

i wasted so much time asking you what i was worth.

i think of you and sigh, and then i smile because i know

we’ll be at a stoplight one day and you’ll look out your car window

and see me in my car singing with my head held high

and you’ll think of who i used to be. and for the first time

in such a long time,

you’ll cry.

i’ll fall in love so many times
my heart’s bound to get broken

this was just the first time, my dear
that words not meant were spoken

i said that you were worth it
but now i’m not so sure

it’s hard to imagine myself
being so naive and immature

to think that all the pain i felt
and all the tears i cried

would somehow be rewarded
by the things you tried to hide

my mother spoke to me today
her voice straining with concern

and once i was able to comprehend
i felt my stomach churn

“i just want to strangle him,” she said
“he comes into your life,

and uproots you, takes you away from us
cuts you off just like a knife

from your friends and family and God, and for what?
so he can break your heart,

and go flouncing off to college
and enjoy his fresh new start?

just how does he sleep at night
knowing that my little girl’s

whole life has been turned upside down
and she’s angry at the world?”

i held my mama’s hand
and told her what was on my mind

“i know i didn’t listen.
i know that i was blind.

i couldn’t see that what i needed
was just the very thing

i turned my back on that april night
when he and i began our fling.

what i desired was just affection
to feel valued, to feel loved

to begin to feel self worth,
and not the lack thereof.”

so Chris, if you are reading this,
know that i will be okay

but don’t think that i’ve forgotten you
although i know you’d like it that way

you’ll always be there in my head
even when i finally

meet someone who gives a ****
and wants to be with me

i know that you know how it feels
to be head over heels in love

with someone who in every sense
is absolutely incapable of

loving you back in the same way
no matter how much you try to show

that they mean everything to you
that you just cannot let go

but dear, the sad truth is
it was my mistake as well

to think that my life could turn out
something like a fairy tale

with you at least, because you see
my prince will one day come

he loves me more than words can say
and at night when he gets home

i’ll come running into his open arms
and without fear or guilt or pain

i’ll tell him that i love him
knowing that he feels the same.