I’m very tired of working past my capability
I know I deserve to be happy, but I’m not
I know I need to fix this on my own
Even if someone were to dry my tears,
they could not heal my heart
I’ve been watching you treat me as anyone else
Like you aren’t my best friend and I’m not yours
When you do these things, even the little things,
like post that someone else is your “best friend”,
or hangout without me, it hurts a lot
But I know now, for sure
I can’t depend on other people to be there for me
I can’t expect people to care the way I do
or be considerate and thoughtful
I know now, for the last time
I will not depend on you
I will not expect you to care the way I did
or be considerate and thoughtful as I was
I know now that I am better off
treating you as anyone else
and caring about you only as a person
Don’t take it to heart, and I know you won’t,
because nothing can be done from here
My hope in this friendship has worn away
Not on it’s own, but it is a little late now
To apologize would be gracious and appreciated,
but it wouldn’t change my feelings
I would like to be able to thank you
for all those years we’ve conquered,
but I can’t, because there is very much I regret
I know I will be happy someday
and I know you may not be there to see it
So I will instead look to myself
I will depend on myself and thank myself
for my aspirations, interests, talents,
appearance, knowledge, and open-mindedness
as you didn’t deem necessary to do
I will push myself at my own will
I will look in the mirror and be satisfied
I will write out my feelings and fix physically
all that I find unappealing
I will appreciate myself and honor myself
as a human being, like everyone else
I will put myself first as I haven’t before
And I will be happy without a best friend

Do you ever want someone's
arms around you so needily,
you feel alone without them?

You want their voice to
fill your thoughts to the brim
but instead,
you are empty.

Their love should warm you,
but you are without it;
cold and lifeless.

there are not four walls.
there are no gates,
nor hedges,
nor bricks.
yet, i find myself
undeniably and demeaningly so
    trapped.

this state of drowsiness
is not something
i awoke to,
but rather something
i slipped into
to get comfortable whilst awaiting
     death.

i wake and
i fall as anyone else might, but
i do not inhale the gusts of warmth,
nor cringe at the bitter drops
     of sky against my tongue.

an empty shell is all
i can imagine myself to be.
these curiosities and
these expectancies
were once mine, but drifted away.
their trail is buried in the ashes
     of an old dream.

i'd like more than anything to
feel your gentle pulse against mine, but
i determine this heart unworthy,
since each beat has become a part
    of this fated hell.

br e aath e
me in and
let me go

say you love me but
don't forget
i won't forget
the things i know

the things you've said
the things you've done

you may be mine but
we're not one

i have thoughts and
i have words

you may have my heart so long as
i may have yours