My mom always told me "we want the things we can't have".
And,
I never fully understood what she meant by that.
But, the time passed by and I realized that she was right.
And now,
I know exactly what she meant.

I knew right away when my heart broke for the first time.
He,
Did it without any hesitation.
No second thoughts, no sympathy and no true feelings.
He left me standing there speechless,
Not knowing what to say.
And definitely not knowing what to feel.

And after my young, grade 8 heart broke into a thousand pieces,
Started the depressing music and the sappy love poems.
So I guess it's thanks to him that I'm standing here today.

I question myself everyday,
Because, I can never seem to get him out of my mind.
It's almost,
Like my subconscious is in love with him,
But I'm not.
The constant thought that pops in my mind like a balloon being struck by a pin whenever his name is brought up.
The constant thought that is: I wonder if I thought I loved him because I couldn't have him.

I wanted him like a child wants candy.
I wanted him like an athlete wants a winning medal.
I wanted him more than anything.

The feelings he left me with were feelings of "how do I move on?"  
The heartbreak I suffered was too much for a 14 year old to go through.
And now the odd time I see him I wonder what my life could've been like if he'd only given me a chance,
But, he turned me down like I was a penny in the middle of a pile of quarters.
Not valued, not wanted.  
And nobody should ever have to go through that.

I sat hiding behind walls knowing that he was with her.
And I only wanted the attention that she got.
But after all, I was just me and he was everything I dreamt of.
And, even though I dreamt of being swept off my feet by him, just wanting to hear those charming words he fed all the girls.
I knew it would never happen.
My story with him was no fairytale.
In fact.
Instead of being saved from the tower, I was trapped in the dungeon waiting for my own happily ever after.
But, I knew it wasn't going to happen,
So I kicked off my glass slippers,
But, all the tiny pieces of glass just came back to stab me in the heart.

I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep just wishing he could feel the same way.
And before I knew it my pillow was a pool of tears that surrounded me, each drop reminding me that I would never have him.
Because, he was a chapter in my book,
And I was barely a line in his.

I don't think I loved him.
I don't know if I love him.
But I just wish I knew what it would have felt like to hold his hand, or here him say "she's mine".
Instead,
I wore a fake smile, acted like he didn't matter anymore and walked away.
But part of me still wishes that I could've just said "stay".

The past is the time that we have lived already; the times we've made our mistakes and the times we've created memories.

The past is the time that doesn't last.

We only know how important it was after it's done.
But why can't we just realize the good things while they're happening?
If we could freeze time, everything would turn out perfectly.

Our past consists of many moments we reminisce of, but those moments wouldn't have happened without some people.

The people we create bonds and friendships with, and if you're lucky you'll create the most amazing friendship with one person; and you never know, but that person might just end up being your hero.
You'll love everything about them; their smile, their personality, their words or even their voice.
You'll share your interests such as songs, poems or even just whatever makes you H.A.P.P.(Y)
These people are the people that you would do anything for.
You would do whatever it takes just to make them happy.
And this person would give up their happiness just to see you smile.
I guess my point is: memories would not be made without the people who mean the world to us.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and how it's turning out, all I'm saying is that I think it's okay to re-live those moments that gave you butterflies and shivers.

So take the risks;
ask that person to dance at the school dance,
tell that person how you really feel about them,
make pacts so that you know your friendship will last forever.

Take the risks, before it's too late.

They say "you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"
But the truth is, I don't know if I'm ready to let go of the past, and frankly, I don't know if I ever will be.

How am I supposed to feel beautiful when everyone around me is effortlessly gorgeous?

How am I supposed to feel beautiful when people point out my flaws?

How am I supposed to feel beautiful if I only like how I look with makeup on?

How am I supposed to feel beautiful if the reflection in the mirror isn't what I like?

How am I supposed to feel beautiful if the reflection in the mirror can't be changed?

How am I supposed to feel beautiful if this is all I am?

I can't stand to live my life watching others pretending to like me.
I don't see why people throw themselves at me and then just.
Leave.
I sit and wonder what did I ever do to drive them away from me.
I think I'm kind and fun to be around, but I just always feel like I annoy everyone that surrounds me.

Sure, just stop talking to me even though I never did anything.
Oh! And then when you need something just come crawling back and of course I will accept you because that's just me.

Just me! Maybe that's it.
Maybe the person I am isn't good enough for others.
Maybe when I act like myself it's annoying to others.
Maybe my personality bothers others and that's why they shut me out.
Maybe I should just stop trying to be the centre of attention and go on with life watching from the outside.

If you want to leave, just don't make it about the person I am. My personality. Me.

She's nice;
Lets take advantage of her.

She's nice;
She won't mind if we talk about her.

She's nice;
It's okay if we spread rumours about her.

She's nice;
Lets walk all over her.

She's nice;
She would never get mad at anyone.

YES! She may be nice but that does NOT give you the right to treat her like crap. She is a human being, she has feelings too that sometimes get hurt when people don't take her seriously. So next time you think you're not bothering someone because you don't think they mind...think again!

Missing you is like having part of my heart missing;
Not being able to function and always feeling a constant sting.

You're my other half and I can't survive without hearing your voice;
I know you're a million miles away and didn't have a choice.

I think about you when I wake up and when I fall asleep;
The feeling of us being separated hurts me way down deep.

I'd give anything just to be sitting next to you;
I'm sure you're thinking of me, but you probably have no clue.

I thought I would be able to handle the long distance but really, who was I kidding?;
I can't stand the thought of us being apart but still the miles are forbidding.

I want to be there next to you holding your hand;
I'm really just hurting myself thinking of you and this faraway dreamland.

Love honestly can't handle distance;
And I'm trying not to think about it but I just can't be resistant.

I can't wait for the day that you return and we can be together;
I will be the happiest person and everything will be better.

Have you ever taken a picture upside down?

How about walked into a store completely out of your comfort zone?

Have you ever sat at the very front of the roller coaster instead of the middle?

It's all about perspective.

Have you had lunch with people you've never talked to?

How about travelling to a foreign country you don't know anything about?

Have you ever sat on your roof and stared at the stars?

It's all about perspective.

No matter where you are or what you do there will always be more than one way to look at things; that's called perspective. Everyone has a different perspective about everything and usually we travel the safe route but why not change your perspective and look at the world differently.  You're perspective may be from doing something that scared you,  like riding the front of the roller coaster. Or you realize how small we are by looking up at the stars and remembering we are part of an enormous universe. It's all about perspective.

I'm so caught up in who's prettier than who and who has more friends;
I'm convinced that life is a popularity contest, and it needs to end.

I need to stop caring about how many likes I get on an Instagram picture;
And really start caring about how I see myself and making sure that's pure.

I feel like I need to compete for attention with the people I love most;
We shouldn't need to fight for the spotlight and when we lose feel like ghosts.

We are in the shadow of everyone else's success when we should be recognized for our own strengths;
We all go to the wildest point to make others happy, while going to the longest lengths.

I need to realize that I have a family and true friends who love me for me;
And I don't need 100 likes on a picture to tell me how I should be.

Do I mean anything to you anymore?;
I mean yeah we still talk occasionally but I feel like I'm being pushed out the door.

Is our friendship existent anymore?;
It's changed ever since I was replaced but I can't tell you that because your heart will be tored.

Are we the same as we used to be anymore?;
I feel like I'm not good enough for you and that I just make you feel bored.

How much closer or farther can we grow anymore?;
Just thinking of a life without you makes me feel poor.

I don't want to feel like this anymore!!;
But I can't help how you act in your new life, I'm just alone here feeling sad and sore.

You think you're not beautiful  because there is no space between your thighs;
Yeah, well every girl that suffers from anorexia would **** to gain some weight, but instead pieces inside of them just die.

Girls think the definition of "beautiful" is skinny legs, a flat stomach and skin and bones;
Well the truth is: being beautiful is so overrated and every girl should be accepted for the image she owns.

We are expected to look like Victoria Secret models who have "perfect" written all over their bodies;
Have you ever heard of photoshop? No girl is perfectly made and for that they get teased.

All over the world there are girls risking their lives to try and be perfect, whatever that means;
They don't even know how much they are hurting themselves and yet they are only teens.

The media has planted a picture in our minds of how we are supposed to act and what we're supposed to look like;
What happened to being accepted for the individuals we are on the outside but also on the inside.

We have all been brainwashed by this sick thing called society, where we are forced to be perfect and act like robots;
Nobody is recognized for who they really are, it's all about the numbers on the scale and how much weight you've lost.

Well, I can only say one thing about what the world has become;
I'm sick of everyone being judged on what they look like because if you're happy with yourself than the opinions of others should be. NONE.

I sit alone in a room with all my fears fighting to enter my mind;
As soon as the door to my brain opens, the fears pour in and my emotions unwind.

I jump and I fall, I scream and I shout;
Just hoping that the troubles will tremble out.

My body loses control and I have no feeling at all;
The minutes pass and I shrink, as my fears grow tall.

I find my way under the bed and into a small corner;
By this time my thoughts are huge and I am suddenly shorter.

The twisting and turning of my unpleasant mind;
Leads me to break down and begin to cry.

I'm now crying and screeching as I can't stop this nightmare from ending;
Only hoping that the pain will stop, and the signs in my body start resending.

Hours have passed and I awake on the floor;
Only wondering if everyone knew what happened behind my door!

I still get butterflies when I see him
I have a faster heartbeat than a runner in a marathon when we are close
I feel like noone can stop me when he tells me I'm perfect
I love that he doesnt judge me for the ****** i am
I feel like I'm in a movie when he tells me cheesy things
I love how I can totally be myself around him


I know that everything happens for a reason and he was definitely a good one

There are so many types of pain one can endure;
And sometimes the person can't find a cure.

There is a physical pain of the body which stings every time it's touched;
The scrapes, cuts and burns that can't be covered up that much.

Then there's the emotional pain which makes your heart feel like its being stabbed with a knife;
This type of pain occurs everyday depending on ones life.

The amazing connection between the two types of pains is that one of them is caused because of the other pain;
When you're emotionally insecure you tend to hurt yourself, which really just makes you go insane.

When you have physical pains it actually hurts you emotionally because of the pain you're trying to deal with;
You can't help but feel these emotions and make a better switch.

In the end, you have to accept everything that happens no matter how much it may hurt;
There will always be a resolution to keep hanging on for even though you may feel like dirt.

Lurking around every corner you pass;
Waiting and watching to see if you'll last.

Being judged about every move you make;
And they wonder how long until you break.

You watch them whisper and giggle until you start to cry;
As they continue, you can't help but feel shy.

You're afraid that the crying will turn into much more;
But as you think about it, your body becomes sore.

Crying, cutting and starving won't help you at all;
But it gets so bad that you're now as soulless as a doll.

You've hit rock bottom as the scars start to appear;
Only then you see how bad, and you spill a few tears.

When you look in the mirror you don't recognize yourself;
You've hurt yourself badly, and believe you belong on the shelf.

You sit there is silence hating yourself for what you've become;
At that moment you decide to turn your life around, and leave the situation numb.

Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't talk to you because she wants you to talk to her first;
That when you walk by all of her emotions burst.

When her phone beeps she wishes it was you;
But realizes that you probably have better things to do.

She hopes you'll say 'hi' in the hallway;
Even a simple wave can make her day.

All of her hopes get raised because she thinks you care;
But when her dreams are crushed, the pain she can't even bare.