disbelief as the words come out
the world starts to move in slow motion
your thoughts turn like gears in a clock
as you try to comprehend the news
finally, you put meaning to words being said

numbess at first
denial follows close behind
the possibility was always there
but thoughts were never suppose to turn into reality

then it hits you all at once
you crack like an egg under pressure
the questions running through your mind

anger now races through your veins
a feeling of betrayal and abandonment

now all there is left to feel is sadness

racing
           steadily
                        down
                                   until
                                            one
                                                   day            
                                                          you
                                                          
                                                          
                                                          
                                                          drop.

Challenged by life
To keep breathing
When my greatest desire
Is to stop breathing

Challenged by people
To put on a smile
When shedding a tear
Would be simpler

Challenged by school
To care about my future
When the idea of a future
Makes me cringe in my seat

Challenged by society
To be thinner, prettier, better
When fat, ugly, and useless
Is what I really am

Finally, challenged by myself
To work harder and be perfect
When I know that the inevitable truth is
Failure at both

Everyone asks why
Why must I hurt myself?
Why don't I stop?
Why does it give relief?

I ask myself what
What is wrong with me?
What is it about the blade,
That keeps bringing me back?
What did I do to end up like this?

Questions I am unable to answer
All I can say is it helps

Tortured by her own soul
Trying to break free
Of this hell she is trapped in

Screaming for help
Can anybody hear her?
Will anybody save her?

Or will she leave this hell
For a place unknown
Just to escape her own mind

across or down
immense weight is carried
on this decision of direction

to be healed of insanity
temporarily or eternally

Drowning in a sea of gray
No way to feel
No tears to be shed
No laughter to ease the dullness
Nothing but gray

A hint a red breaks through
A way to feel
Something other than gray
Temptation is great
Suspense grow

Pick up the blade
The release you need
From the never ending gray
Blade to skin
Nothing to do now but fly

Red crashes through
Breaking down the wall of gray
Pain, relief, regret, shame
Feeling
Isn't that what you wanted?