It's getting harder to forget that I'm not big on regret when my one disappointment keeps piling in my head.  
I'll admit to my mistake.
I won't admit that I'm sad.
Or how furious I am that things turned out so bad.
I can't say I wish it never happened
Or how I want the thoughts to just go away
taking the pain brought with it from that very day.
That very night.
There were so many signs,
Just to say, "Stop.
I don't want this.
Get out of my sight."
Even though at the time - I was blind.
Can't believe this wishful thinking
My pathetic mind.
The side of me that still has hope.
The need to be needed
To feel like I'm not. A joke.
To look right up through the scope,
Capture you kneeling.
After all I'm only human, but thats lost all meaning.
And no I'm not done.
We all played the game.
All lost on a bed while chanting your name.
Brought us up so high - said we were the best.
Threw in a congratulations, now on to the next.
I want to share this pain,
'til you feel it like the blood pumping through those veins.
Makes its way to your heart and then anchors you back down,
down
down
to the start.
It wasn't love, doesn't mean I didn't cry.
Thinking back to that very day.
That very night.
Knowing I spent the whole time,
Wishing you were another guy.