My eyes were closed shut
As I awoke
I smoked a metaphorical ****
of a Spike Lee Joint

I interpreted the depths of meaning
Scary reality
The errors of humanity
In the form of a feature film

Portrayal after portrayal
Non-minstrel, realistic black lives
Race-relation vibes
A voice for the underrepresented

Lee makes you want to use your voice
For the betterment of the world
Development of how we want our history to unfurl
Black lives matter still

If I pour the entirety of self into a poem
Does it give the poem an ego?

If I pour nothing into it
Does it mean it's superficial?

The invisibility is suffocating
It's a tight mask or a dark smog floating around
Forcibly bound and stuck to the ground
How can one be down to earth when the nettles are stinging?

Love was supposed to create visibility
To show everything
To stop the quiet speaking and let thoughts loudly sing
To make comfortable the feelings of vulnerability

The heart knows
And every time it remembers it falls into bits
Hitting the floor, experiencing the blows

I wanted to be your visible, I want to be a piece that fits
Nothing of your life shows
That I am in it, that I am in it...

This sapling is being propagated
Pulled out of the dried soil with its roots naked and visible
Held up in the light
Now it's becoming too tall for its small terracotta ***
It needs fresh soil
Nutrition to grow it taller
To make it stronger
To make its roots deeper
A never ending story of growth
Quite close to only the beginning

I'm stuck.
The tears I cry
don't turn into gold.

Kintsugi
I thought if I was broken
I would be replaced with gold.

Selfish earthly tears
state of emergency
more like sterling silver than nine carat gold.

Films romanticise tears
only on beautiful faces
Oscars and Golden Globes.

Today,
and only today,
I've learnt to love the rain.

Sunshine,
was my best friend,
warming my skin and darkening its pigment.

The moon,
had its cratered imperfections,
but ultimately, was a guardian of safety as it lit up the night.

Rain,
my least favourite of them all,
made my clothes smell of damp and ruined my mood.

Now,
I appreciate that
it cleans
showers
beautifies
and adorns our world
it provides the air with a fresh smell
maintains the beautiful flowers
and the grass' greenness.

How could I have ever hated the rain?

So happy,
oh so happy am I,
to have learnt to love the rain.

In moments of almost silence
the only certain sound is the buzzing of my fridge
and as the buzzing gets louder
and the flesh ***** so well-known for pumping me lifeblood
is draining life out of me

It's racing again

My eyes feel heavy
layers of light eyeshadow at the centres of my eyes
glittery and highlighting
highlighting that this whole thing is becoming society's cliche
in my head
it's all in my head

It's racing again

Until the calm comes
counting can't console me
and
nor can you
you're trying
I see you

it's racing again
it's just got to pass

pass

please pass