sitting outside, staring at the stars
it’s almost midnight and
i’m not supposed to be here but
the night sky always draws me into its
eternal abyss
when i’m older and have my own house,
i’ll make sure that it’s somewhere
where the stars aren't obscured by city lights
i’ll have a skylight in my bedroom so that
in the minutes just before
i fall asleep
i’ll be able to look up at the sky
at our past, present, and future
and know that everything
will be okay
this is what i’m thinking about
when i am getting the first injection
the one to put me to sleep
this is where i am in my
uneasy unconsciousness
this is where i am pulled out of
when i wake up
only to be told that my body is
rejecting the foreign tissues
this is where i will go very soon
when i die
i will become a star
shining in the sky
watching humanity
waiting to guide
the lost souls
on Earth

(our thoughts are not our own)
fur blood sweat tears bone skin feathers
dizzy heights are not to be expected
I'll be seeing you, she croons, in all the
old familiar places
(my wrist smells of a man who does not belong to me)
the skull grins back in our staring contest
of gloom of death
no one understands
(it taunts me)
no one knows
(you are all infinitely beautiful)