why am i
so alone
in the midst of
attempted inclusion?

and why
am i
satisfied by it?

please
leave me

alone

This wait seems never-ending,
especially at night.
The blackness of the sky suggests an
infinity of time.
I miss you.

To me, it is so
strange
to see so many declarations of
loneliness,
yet
despite this similarity,
we cannot erase the
loneliness
in each other.

As the wind pounds
the window
that does not shut,
thuds and clatters fill the air;
violently
knocking the breath out of it
with its own.
Much like you
To me.

why is life so often determined by
sticking to something
one is so demotivated by?

interesting how
a body can sometimes
function
to the best of its
ability
with the help
and guidance of
medication

and i am
forever grateful
for my body's
response
as i patiently wait
until my body is
guided back
to its
natural state

flotsam and jetsam collecting on the shore:
the sea's way of continually
clearing
unwanted clutter and
unnecessary chaos

because just as the sea clears its body,
i clean my room:
cleansing my mind
and
my soul

walking home
through the autumn leaves
discarded
i can't help but feel
they represent
all the thoughts
all the feelings
all the emotions
i have ever felt
that have been cast aside
forced aside
discarded

these past few nights and days
have slipped into one
continuous cycle:
destructive and vicious,
driven by an unnatural force
the solution is a voice
but the power to make the voice vocal
is another matter.

Nancy:
the older sister.
I went to you to
escape
the speculation
and the drama
and the problems.

Now my only problem is:
you gave me
such a good
escape route,
I find it difficult to return.

The temptation of a journey
is the thought that
once you arrive at your
destination,
you will find
yourself

blurred vision
entertains the notion
that
nothing is clear or defined
in this world

a disheartening thought
but at the same time
comforting

as i sit here at 3am
looking at
the lives
the work
and
the stories
of people across the globe
i cannot help but dread
elements of my own
reality
that approach as
tomorrow calls

is it so strange
to feel
comfort
studying the lives of others?

no

Does the person you wish
you could forget
know the effect they have on you?

If so, they must take pleasure from it.

And there is a certain kind of
evil
in that.

Night is falling
more swiftly than before,
telling me that the waiting
is slowly but surely
coming to an
end

The second country
starts today
So far, everyone is
nice
and friendly.

Work
starts the next day
I wonder how
it will go

Already I
just want
to
sleep my cares
away

I am trapped in
a
cold
white
room

Will this never stop?

Sometimes
I question whether
I made the right decision
saying no.
Was I refusing for
myself,
or for everyone around
me?

for every day
i lay in bed
missing
my family
my friends
my home

i reflect on this
time and
think
about the
journeys
i could have taken

tomorrow
i start again

I don't know you,
but your words
speak to me
like no words
have before.
I wish I knew you.

Tonight
I felt my lowest
Since
Last time