all of a sudden and without warning the answers to my problems are coming down on me like a good fall rain. They are keeping me up sometimes nights in a row. I am delirious, but they seem to make sense somehow. It is if the universe is channeling its energy straight into me. The negativive I have carried with me most of my life seems To be pouring out of my feet and fingertips while positive comes in through my heart. It is overwhelming and intense, but I know I will come out the other side of this wormhole much closer to being a whole man.

my baby sister

she is searching , reaching for something she may never find.  That will never stop her from beating her head against an imaginary wall. I do the same which is why it hurts me so to witness.

I have got to get out of this place
Not sure how I got here
I keep looking for outs
all I seem to find are ends
I am stuck
spinning circles
around this giant head of mine
at times I get dizzy and crash
only to wake up and do it all over again

To love without expectation is foreign to most
The idea has never once crossed there minds
it is how we where brought up
an eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
a love for a love

She puts it all on herself
when the fault is mostly his
She does not want to see that her once beautiful world has been smashed
Broken by his self loathing, his anger, his dishonesty, his greed.
He wants with the touch of his finger to turn everything bitter
when she is so sweet, so innocent
He has everything
but discards what is most precious
most beautiful
He would the entire world if he could
Flood the plains with his *****
Call it a lake and name the whole ****** thing after himself.

When the drink takes hold I am pushed beyond the limits of my consciousness
It is a place where there doesn't seem to be a bottom
A place where all is dark and nothing grows
As I fall I there is nothing to slow my decent
Falling fast, but at the same time standing perfectly still

Every-time is the last
Right after this one which will erase the boundaries that keep my mind out of the deepest of dark places.