it began with a burning sensation
all consuming
until I succumb to your ivory fingers

I die in a lustful flame
never to see you naked
in your truest form

Just her sun bleached hair
dancing on the shoreline in the dark
her toes tapping against the cold ocean water
extra gentle now
her tan skin smelled like cotton candy
her eyes looked so inspired
Something made her smell the summer salt
she would want to remember this--this 17.
She will never feel this way again
the ocean calls to her
she hears, but knocked down by waves.

It has been a while since I've written
Picked up words that I couldn't find.
Sometimes, it feels as though I had dreamt for too long
and my body is well rested
but my soul is so tired.
Thank you for reading my poems
so that when I shout into a void
loving echos shout back at me.

he sounded so annoyed
i thought that bitter tone could never come from his lips
but it did--a small reminder of my childhood

like that
i felt my skin flaking off
layer by layer
and i lay here bare
with no courage to stand again.

what did my therapist said?
not to be so sensitive?
the moon laughs tonight
at useless tears wasted again
me hurting my own poor heart.

i still miss the way you hum when you brush your hair
the little furrowed brow you do when washing the dishes

you should've seen your mother's face
so empty that it would break your heart too.

i shouldve known something was wrong
when you said goodbye instead of goodnight.

xbox: last signed in, 6 years ago.

I sat in the light tower,
waiting... waiting... waiting...
heavenly father, i not longer believe.

The waves are violent tonight
has he landed at a harbor safely?
Even if it is not mine.

But i wait at the light tower
shining the call to home
guiding him back

No harbor is his home
but i hope he will see my light
and take me away to the sea.

Sometimes i think
if the sun will ever shine the same
knowing it will never land on your face again.

I put your tiny shoes back in the closet
never cleaning off the dirt
that contained all your laughs.

Put down those burden my dear
Share with me your sour fruits
I know you’ve reached saturation
With all hopeful thoughts
That darkness seeps in you like black ink

But put down that knife my dear
I can see the light you still yet cannot
The warm biscuits and rose red tea
That sits on your peaceful porch
Where you will smile upon the little laughters

I hope you are well my dear
But its alright if you’re not
Your strength will become you
Your darkness grows only empathy
And you will be more beautiful from it

I hope you bloom one day
With patience and kindness to yourself
A gentle soul you are
And a raging force you will be
Sincerely, your guardian angel.

I hope you find peace
when your fingers search that keyboard
a heavy heart that beats for no one
even if it feels like its not beating at all

I can only walk this earth for so long
before i learn to glaze over tears.
I yearn for a leap off the cliff
but i am  a slug in a salt bath.

Today,
instead of washing down a cheeseburger with a donut
I ate something that made my body sing

Today,
instead of letting my hair get tangled again
I brushed it out

Today,
instead of wallowing in bed
I found the courage the get up and brush my teeth

my point is,
I am not ashamed of any of the things i do when i am depressed.
but i am proud of when i get better

My point is
i dont know when i will go back to being depressed again
and not brush my teeth, and lay in bed wallowing, and washing down fast food.

But i know a better day will come
however long
I did it once, i can do it again.

The walls of faded wallpaper
The bacon grease sizzling on a pan
Her smile, the newspaper
Timeless and memorable.
Morning air misty and clear

The afternoon filled with puzzles
Walks by the river bank
She laughs with a poetry book
Pointing to you silly love poetries
That you dont tell her you are living it

Darkness brings a firewood calmness
The Same kind that she is made of
The twinkling fire sparks live in her eyes
The honey stirred rose tea
Her skin thin under the veil

You are driving me CRAZY
the way your eyes no longer linger on me
not even for a second
I feel so pathetic
like a ******* child
trying to get the attention of a disinterested cat

Is it me? is it my body?
why do you not want me anymore?
I cannot shout these questions to anyone except you

do you see it now? youre driving me crazy
i cut open my skin and upfold them
disappearing into a smiley face
my bones crumbling under the architecture of your neglect
Please, just tell it as it is. you are driving me ******* crazy.

My window is leaking again
2nd time since you've been gone
funny how it never seemed to rain
when you were around
the california air always so peaceful

The first time i panicked, cried, and felt my world crumble
this time, i even laughed a little
called my mother
and sorted things out
the california rain seemed to calm a little

There was nothing significant about her
those words came so naturally to her mother
spoken so fast--like a sharp blade to her skin

Her skin turns a bright pink under the sun
he grunted in a distain that sliced through her fingers
her heart dry as dust, her mouth taste of gun powder

She did not find the blade unnatural to her skin
it felt like childhood, like lovers, like home.
it stings with such familiarity,

she was certain, this was right.

I am upset,
there is nothing more poetic than that right?
didn't all great poets write about great sadness?

is this is my muse--why am i in pieces?
i am full of questions with no one to answer them.
i've been telling myself time heals all

but its been so ******* long already.
When will time heal me?
because I am running out of time.

There exist an embarrassment,
when your dog chooses your friend over you

you know its not the animals fault
but it sure feels like it

its interesting how we place faults in things other than our own