they were vitamin gummies before
my mother would be so proud
it turned into something ugly
and I even used to laugh
but now I stare blankly at a wall
feeling nothing and everything all at once
luckily tho
I can't think straight.
Luckily.
Who knows what ill think if im sober?

The Universe smiled when you were born
She told the Whales of a gentle child
who was born to make the world better
she sang to the birds
of a soul so kind and funny
she almost wish she could take credit in creating you

Now you sit in a cubicle
working your dreams away for other people's luxury.
The walls felt caved in, but it never crushes you
You can't work if you are dead.
the ceiling of a blinding white light
Small talks that leave you emptier than before

But you did not disappoint The Universe
She understands
She may sign and look away
but in the smallest kindest of your actions
she writes a new fate for you
a path sealed by the cosmos.

The sea will wash away your sins
so don't be afraid to live
for when the creator comes
they will show kindness
that is the only type of creator you should worship anyways.

and if there is no creator
you will arrive to the ocean with nothing to offer
and the sea can wash away nothing else but you.

some mornings feel like a dream
my foot light, the sun singing
the clouds calling my name

then some mornings
the blanket calls me a *******
and grabs me on

these mornings come more often now
the the sun stopped singing for a long time
it gave up on me

if I feel like nothing, contribute nothing, look like nothing
how can I believe anything else.

I want so little from life
but I want so much
HURRY! FASTER! MORE!
like work is a reward, and sleep punishes the soul.
I wanted so little
and yet somehow
That is all I am now.

When you were young
I love you was a learned response.
There were shallow meanings to it
Something you quickly toss at your parents
When you are running late to school

Then you move out
And you see their backs hunched over.
They tell you the same stories over and over
And you say i love you with meaning this time
Because they may not have much time

When you were in high school
You said I love you to her
As a correct response, not as a genuine one.
There was again no real meaning
Just three words to her underpants.

Then you got married
And you see her graduating college
A gleam in her eyes, that spark of intelligence
You said I love you with meaning
Because she swept you off your feet.

So I guess,
love is inside us.
But we never learn to really say it first
We aren’t even aware
Until it comes on, like a lightbulb.

He says I love you a lot
I believe them sometimes
I laugh them off sometimes

But I know he really does love me.
Because at night when he is fast asleep
he still searches for my body with his hand
Because at the dinner table
he watches me eat and gets giddy when I make a mess
Because when I reach for his hand
he already met me half way
Because when I feel sick
a hot bath is being drawn in the other room

So it is not that I doubt him
But I will laugh sometimes
our apartment filled with tiny grand gestures of love.