I see you
clearly in the water
of such from womb to tomb connection

I felt my heart beat in your breathe
the littleness of you is ironic
in those tiny fingers grasp my purpose

I look upon your eyes
a perfect blend of love
the proof of the universe's master piece

I will never forget the night I heard you laugh
I swore my world popped in colors
that can only be seen in an epic sunrise.

In those tiny hands,
grasp my entire purpose
a tiny heartbeat with such momentum.

she swayed lightly alone
her hands holding onto the fragile air
feet grazing the ground
gravity preciously holding onto her
after all, reality is subjective plus perspective.

she dance a hopeless dance
on top of shimmering watersnacks
her heart as dry as dust
those praying hands prayed no more
for she could speak with god

just by closing her eyes

you can take that enneagram test
and find out what number you land on
as a grey attempt to know who you are

you can look in the mirror
and make faces till your cheeks hurt
and still not see yourself truly at all.

Someday, you may look in the mirror
and not recognize those eyes anymore
when did they dime? like hallow shapes?

then one day, your face shrivels up
you can hardly remember who you were before
and you look upon your child

you know one day, she will also look upon the mirror
lost upon herself
taking that enneagram test, as faithful as you once did,

Only 17
still a child.
She walks into the ocean
face barely above the water, floating in the unknown
but the sky burst--

into such majesty
the red, the orange, the paint sliding across canvas
oh how the water moved her

so she shed a tear
for the waves that told her sweet nothings
the sand was a relief
a soft ground to land on
She would die for this.

Be still, my glass bones
the ship will carry your soul full of sins
the times you shot down the albatross

Perhaps Life in Death will not torture you
perhaps she will lose her gambling
she will give you to death himself

Perhaps you will use the last bit of color
to leave a fade mark in the world
the potential you could have had

but you were always a gambler
when you win you feel so little
when you lose you leave no mark.

I suddenly got so sick
so sick of the colors around me
like every person was a vibrant soul
and I am just grey
I am so sick

I got so tired
trying to paint color on everyday
So very faded at the end
Too grey
I cut my skin to force that red

but when I stood under the shower
I am grey
I felt so sick
of being washed over--feeling no renew
no one wants to mix with grey

and then I turned a pitch black.

When he left,
my heart moved with him
How funny
I thought blue was the color of sadness
but blue is the color of a new beginning

I dipped my body into the ocean
5 seconds of waves washing over me
I am new, I am fresh.