Only 17
still a child.
She walks into the ocean
face barely above the water, floating in the unknown
but the sky burst--

into such majesty
the red, the orange, the paint sliding across canvas
oh how the water moved her

so she shed a tear
for the waves that told her sweet nothings
the sand was a relief
a soft ground to land on
She would die for this.

Be still, my glass bones
the ship will carry your soul full of sins
the times you shot down the albatross

Perhaps Life in Death will not torture you
perhaps she will lose her gambling
she will give you to death himself

Perhaps you will use the last bit of color
to leave a fade mark in the world
the potential you could have had

but you were always a gambler
when you win you feel so little
when you lose you leave no mark.

I suddenly got so sick
so sick of the colors around me
like every person was a vibrant soul
and I am just grey
I am so sick

I got so tired
trying to paint color on everyday
So very faded at the end
Too grey
I cut my skin to force that red

but when I stood under the shower
I am grey
I felt so sick
of being washed over--feeling no renew
no one wants to mix with grey

and then I turned a pitch black.

When he left,
my heart moved with him
How funny
I thought blue was the color of sadness
but blue is the color of a new beginning

I dipped my body into the ocean
5 seconds of waves washing over me
I am new, I am fresh.

I can't even begin to explain to you
WHY it hurt so bad
to watch what was once BURNING
now nothing but bits of flames occasionally
to witness my mother's failed marriages
right in front of my eyes
I CANNOT begin to tell you
how hallow I feel seeing our old videos

maggots upon my heart my dear
chewing out what was once yours.

I can only assume
how insignificant we are
if we stood only alone

but we are not
in a universe thriving for balance
we balance each other.

our lives connected
transcending time and space
creating colors bursting from within

and so, "with each crime and kindness
we birth our future."

My absolute dearest
put a hand over your left chest
feel that beat
the energy it takes to pulse
You are not alone
you have an army inside you

Don't give up on your life
if not for other,
at least for your organs.

They work so hard to keep you alive.