Naked as we came
tangled on the sheets-the sunlight nearly peaked
your skin on mine, a femine smooth and masuline rough
your chest hair did always tickle my cheeks
the smell of sweet sweet sweat in the air
"want some eggs?"
"yes please."

It wasn't personal
That's who i am
a holly golightly
terrified- of cages, of commitment, of things that held up a mirror
things that reminded me how ugly i can be
Holly Golightly had her tiffanys
me? I had my 3:00am coffee and the 7 o clock train-
steams, rails, and I'm gone.

I try not to walk that path again
Our hands tangled
For you it meant as much as pebbles did to a river
I knew that
Still, I let myself sank.
And one day- i became stale in your eyes
On that day-I can no longer walk that path again.

Like little marbles in a child's toy box
rolling around in forgotten shimmers.
A little glory that meant nothing-
that was our first kiss.
It's a perilously thin line
being in lust and being in love.

I watch you grew from nothing
to everything.
My little bean's first step
the steady heart beat that grew into marching shoes
I watched my bean put on his uniform
a little picture of me he carried in his pocket
The tiny hands that once reached for me
Are now holding onto a barrel, squeezing a trigger
I used to sit by the window
watching my bean hop off that yellow bus
shiny shoes and sun burnt cheeks
Now i sit by the window
men in uniforms holding your belongings
My little bean's face flashed in my mind like a thousand films
Those childish eyes and chubby cheeks are now for god to see
My bean will never come home to me.

Today, i found a picture of you
I cried
you were holding me as a baby
my mother standing behind you
the only complete family photo ive ever been in
you look just like me
the crooked smile, flat nose, hooded eyes
I will never know you
But i dont need to
Ive never wished heaven was real more than this moment
if any chance it is and youre smiling down
I want you to konw
mom has never said an ill word about you
thank you for being my father for a brief moment
I'm doing fine
and oh
i will never complain about my nose again
Its not ugly at all
it looks like yours.

32,400 minutes
I spent awkwardly behind a desk
stealing little glances at you.

540 hours
you never did notice me
but i know every curve of your face.

360 days
that's all i had
little glances, unfocused lessons, and that golden hair

2 souls
never colliding, frozen in small glances
one in an ignorant bliss; another drying her tears.