Dear cousin,

I wonder what went wrong
Oh so wrong

It seemed only yesterday
When you would chase my sister and me
Around the house
Whenever you came over to visit

I wonder what went wrong
Oh so wrong

I remember the good times
You scaring me and then both of us laughing
Me following you around
Like a lost puppy
Looking for an example of greatness

I wonder what went wrong
Oh so wrong

You're in prison now
Putting horrible things into your body
Hurting yourself
Your family
Your friends

I wonder what went wrong
Oh so wrong

I hope you get better
I hope you're smart enough to use your head
And care
For yourself
Your family
Your friends

I wonder what went wrong
Oh so wrong

High school is an old-new path
With much along the way
It is old sweatshirts
And worn-out earphones
And old mentalities swayed
It is headaches in math
And old white sneakers
And love without a doubt
Goodbyes called
Hellos sang
From a whisper to a shout

The world is endlessly white
And gray
And cold
And not much else

It has been this way for so long
Like a thousand-year winter
The light of the sun
Is shining somewhere else

So cold
Everyday
Without end
A tedious repetition

Even the snow days
Do not offer much joy
As they used to
It is still cold

For the first time
In a winter
I long for spring
Like my heat-loving mother

I long for the chirping of birds in the morning
Running barefoot
On sweet green grass in the sun
Burning gold into my hair

I long for summer thunderstorms
And the airy scent of ozone
And mud in my sandals
The bottoms of my feet turning rawhide tough

Vacations in the Outer Banks
And weekends Up North
Charging through the ice-cold river
Chasing minnows and frogs

I cannot remember
The last time
It had been above freezing
The last time I saw the light of day

A nationwide chill
Freezing roads
Into ice slicks
Bringing new records

The polar vortex
I will be telling the future generations
Of your ice
And snow

But then it begins to happen
Ever so slowly
But we notice
And rejoice like children

One warm day here
And another here
Like hopscotch
With the ice in between

And at last we break free
At least here we did
Digging out the bikes and running shoes
And raincoats long lost

I walk through the town again of my free will
The birds are singing again
I'm pretty sure they're rejoicing too
The thousand-year winter has ceased

It started as a little hatching bird
Raising it's feeble
Oversized, ungainly
Little head

It started as a spark
Flickering weakly under tinder and wood
With hardly anything
To give

It started as a raised head
Like the shy kid in class
Working up the rarest courage
To speak

It started as the faintest of urges
And I didn't worry too much
'Bout it
It was probably nothing

I came back from the capital
And realized
My time to fly was approaching
That little bird had flight feathers now

That little spark was catching
Spreading around
Giving more and more warmth
And it finally began to show

I went around town
To start
And then Chicago
And then my own house

That shy kid spoke up at last
That little bird raised it's wings
That fire grew stronger
And stronger

I am posed on the edge
Of a burning nest from the fire
Ready to speak again
This time even louder

Not quite sure you know what it's like
To have the strangest things set you off
Like a wayward firecracker

To have every single sound pressing down into your skull
And your brain swelling up from the inside
Like a messy sponge

To want to speak to people and be spoken to
But have your words come out all wrong
And your actions all twisted and used against you
And being forced to laugh
So you don't explode
Like the strange autistic kid
You are

You are auditory-sensitive
You are so in tune
And so out of it
All at once
And sometimes your mind is a prison
That drags you back down every time
You try to be
Normal
Acceptable

But then you laugh
And cry

Because that won't happen

Ever.