it's haunting when the loneliness
that I've fought so hard to keep out
starts creeping through the walls
at 2:54am and the only thing I can do
is create more around this
cold excuse for a heart.

for some people can speak oceans of meaningful words
but for me i find it near impossible to tell someone        
how i feel, so i hope you know that
when i whispered into your neck                  
i love you                                                              ­                    
that it was the hardest thing to do and            
they were the most true words
that have ever left my mouth.                            
and they always will be.                                                                                                           

S.W

i loved him
he loved me
but when there is 700 miles
between two teenage hearts
sometimes love is not
nearly enough.

s.w

for some reason
I can't stop searching the faces
of all strangers that pass me
in hopes that I might
possibly find you in this
empty, godforsaken city

as i read the words
‘why did you have to leave?’
it was as if
i could feel
that last kiss
the day i left
all over again
S.W

we exchanged over 22,394 messages
and it’s been 22 months
and i’ve thought about you
more than 394 times.
S.W

I smell of stale cigarettes
and my makeup is always off
and I can't stop listening
to sad songs that remind me of you
and people say to me
'get over him he isn't worth it'
but I know that every
single second spent with you
were the most precious because
even if we did nothing but stole kisses
and held hands under the blanket
it was still a successful day
because you were my poison and
my cure. you broke me and fixed me
all at the same time.

i have loved and i have hated
i have been hurt and i have hurt others

but the way i love you is special,
i love you with hope
with the hope of a beautiful future unmarred by past tragedies

i love you with the intensity of a thousand storms, with no fear and no regrets.

everyday, i choose you and every day i fall more in love with you.

you have made me see that a person can be broken and whole at the same time and still love with their whole heart regardless of the past.

and i think it’s quite beautiful, the way two broken people can fix each other just by loving and trusting and accepting.

you have broken down my walls and shown me what it’s like to love completely, no holding back.

and for that i will be forever thankful to you, no matter where we end up in the future.

my first heartbreak wasn’t a beautiful boy with danger in his eyes and temptation in his smile

the first person to make me doubt my worth wasn’t the impossible girl who ignored me all day and explored my body all night

my first heartbreak was 6 year old me
screaming in the darkest corner under my bed, begging you not to leave me,
finally crawling out to embrace you one last time
in the hopes i would be enough to make you stay

i watched my innocence and any shred of self i’d developed walk out the door with you
my first heartbreak was a man who chose to be my father, choosing to leave

It’s a different pain, rather than an obvious tangible thing
It’s a hopeful longing, longing for something that once was and could never be again
It’s shared traumas
It’s always looking for them in a room
It’s listening out for their voice as they talk in a group of people
It’s short embraces, never staying long enough to really feel the other
It’s knowing each other’s deepest secrets, but too distant to acknowledge it
It’s looking away when you lock eyes because you can’t bear to remember how it felt to communicate with a glance
It’s watching them love someone else
It’s feeling your heart rip out of your chest every time he reaches for her hand
It’s watching that love and putting on a smile
It’s feeling happy for them, hoping they make each other happier than you both could
It’s rage,
confusion,
self-doubt
It’s a constant battle between jealousy and joy
It’s infuriating and intoxicating all in one

It’s loving your best friend