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1.8k · Dec 2012
Trembling
His lips smile
    We laugh for hours
          He has dimples and
               Beautiful blue eyes.
I feel like he is shy
     Quiet
          He seems ashamed
               For a second
                    Then he tells me timidly
                         He has aspergers.
I smile,
     My fingers gingerly curled
          My nails resting on his beard.
I take a deep breath
     I offer to help him
          He wants to kiss me
                He is afraid
                     He doesn't know how.
I close my eyes
     Shy
         Take his face in my hands
               Press my closed mouth
                  Against his
                       As his lower lip trembles.
It's over.
     We hug.
         Then we laugh
                He says
"Now that I have practiced, let's do it again."

He kisses me.
     I had a lovely time.
             We laughed
                   We kissed
                       For hours.
He invited me to his family's Christmas party. I told him I would if I didn't have to work. He likes it when our fingers play together.
1.6k · Oct 2012
Listen
Can you hear it?
The hole torn open, weeping, weeping,
Always weeping.
Can you hear my heart's hunger?
It reflects upon my bones,
peeking through my skin,
Revealing inside it how little I live on,
I would have gotten lost
Nothing wrong with being lost
But now I am horrified
My pants fall off.
Can you hear it?
The monster creep-crawling inside of my soul
Scratching, clawing,
Twisting its way out of my heart,
My eyes wild
Hungry
Searching
Lost.
You left me cold, contemptuous,
I burn with rage and anger-
Can you hear why?
Fear this, the monster we've created
Together,
From someone so unique and beautiful
From someone who loved and wanted nothing more than love in return.
Look at what we've done,
Sometimes I can't breathe.
Can you hear it?
Bones seeking exit,
Heart twisted and scarred,
Breathing so limited,
I don't exist in here anymore.
1.4k · Oct 2012
Brandy
Brown eyes, liquid dark,
step inside
no struggle, just quiet,
look around
what have you entered.

Inside the silence echoes,
but you can see the shards all over the ground
mirror, shattered,
blood pooling around your feet
look at your hands.

Fingerless stubs
stop picking up the pieces?
Choices
Life choices
Liquid brown eyes,
they hide laughter
is it real,
or cold, fake,
something to be afraid of?
1.1k · Nov 2012
Fly Away
You hold me tight,
Like I will be flying away.
I will.
Just not today.

I am not rejecting you
I just don't feel anything
Not for you
Not for anyone
I am alone on the inside
Empty
Shh..
Quiet.

You won't miss me.
I promise.

You don't even know what I smell like.
I won't love you
I don't love me.
1.1k · Oct 2012
Sliding
Your hands slid up
To my waist,
Slip-sliding across my skin.
Your face buried
In my hair
You breathe me in.
You edge closer
Bringing us both to
The brink of insanity.
I feel your breath caressing me,
Your lips soothing me,
But the sound you made drives me forward-

I grip your hair as I bring you
Close
I kiss you
Hard
But your mouth soothes me
So instead...

We float away
1.1k · Nov 2012
Quietly
Watch
The snowflakes fall hard
Strip until
You are naked

Step outside
You feel nothing
The cold lives
Inside you

Your hips sway
Your eyes close
Your arms above your head
Reaching
Into the silence
Until you feel
The thinness

You
Are
Lost
Disappearing into
The frozen wind
1.1k · Nov 2013
Sounds
My tongue trips over the words,
the sounds strange in my mouth.
You laugh,
They laugh,
They've all heard,
the strange sounds coming from my mouth.

It's easy for you, but hard for me
You wouldn't understand
This newest thing is hardest for me,
This sound.
The next one is not easier,
But when I finally get it I feel changed
A stranger to myself,
Someone new

One day,
Soon,
I will never be Samhain.
1.1k · Oct 2012
Close My Eyes
So tired
I'm so tired.
I am so hungry
But if I could just lay down on the ground
In the snow
Under the colourful leaves
I would sleep
until
Summer comes back to me.
965 · Oct 2012
Why Call Me?
Sometimes I miss you
I roll over when I wake up
You are never there.
I open my eyes after crying
You are never there.

I sing you songs,
Can you hear me?
You are never here.
I eat so slowly,
Can you tell I am waiting?

My bed is empty,
My stomach is angry,
My heart is jaggedly cut,
I look beautiful on the outside-
My shoulders hunching forward
Hiding the jut of bones that peep from my skin.
You are never here,
But I am waiting.

Sometimes I wonder
Is this
Life's new version of
A Christmas Carol
And this life I am living
Is the ghost of Christmas future?

Can't I wake up
Roll over,
Hold you close.
Tell you I love you,
Apologise for not
Getting you help.
Tell you I listened
And you would never let me go.

One hundred days and I fly away.
I will be so far away
But you
You are never here.
939 · Dec 2012
Insatiable
He holds my hips
In his large hands
I am not small
He makes me feel
Like I am

I am afraid
Of leaving
This man
He seems to be
My perfect mate
Who am I
But a subject to fate?

I told him no
Don't follow me
Is that even
What I believe
Anymore?
914 · Nov 2012
Bleeding Him
I almost faint
I had forgotten to eat-
Hypoglycaemic ?
He's sweet.
Bi-polar
You should see him yell

Not at me yet
I won't stick around to tell.
So sweet I said,
But he leaves me smelling like cigarettes
THC,
***.
He looks at me pityingly
When I refuse to eat.

He smiled at me
over the plate of food
He told me how he liked
Pain
Blood
Power
Mixed with the ***.

I am one of over a hundred
He's slept with.
I am different.
Quiet
Shy.
I tear him apart
with my nails.
He told me he liked knives
I crisscrossed a pattern on his back
My fingernails slicing his hips
I left so many bruises
So many more cuts
He asked for it
I bit him
Over and over
On the neck
His lip ring became my toy
The pant of his breath my music
Without touching him
Softly
Gently
Lovingly
He groans.
He wants me.
He lets the monster out of me.

He forced me to eat.
He worried about my faint
I chided him-
Both get our own problems.
I left him while he was asleep.
897 · Dec 2012
Tears
My lip trembles
My eyes are full of tears
I don't want to leave
Anymore.

It's not fair
I was so alone
Now I am so afraid
I am
The queen
Of
Breaking
My own heart.
892 · Oct 2012
Darkness
Open your eyes to nothing-
panic hides in your chest,
you cling to nothing-
your muscles are tight
Did you know your muscles can be strong enough to break your bones?
don't think about it.
Close your eyes again-
breathe, just breathe.
Who else do you know has this fear?
Someone, someone
not just you
or is it?
The Darkness
are you afraid of it
or are you afraid of yourself?
860 · Nov 2013
Hardest Things
The hardest things
Never seem so
in the beginning.

The biggest things
Start out small
then they change.

Some things are sweet
And full of flavor
until you've stolen all they had to give
Why can't we ever just let things live?
847 · Jan 2013
Master
My heart beats
For him
Wild
Crazy
I feel silly
Giddy
But honestly?
He is my master.
I can only
Hope
One day
(Or night!)
He will feel the same.

Already,
He is beautiful
To me.
755 · Oct 2012
Music
Sweet flowing lyrics,
hard flowing sound.
Sway to the music, let it take me away

The crunch of sound underneath my feet
it's all I can hear,
I'm lost in this world, no need to breathe,
let me just eat the music, I'll live off the lyrics
Sway to the music, let it all fall away

Dance quickly, burn all the things away
people might be watching, but I don't care
the music, all this music
it's making me sway.
740 · Jan 2013
Choice
Chose for me
The best of music
Did you know
He sings?
We will make
Beauty
Together.

He says to me
Jag älskar dig också.
I love him too

I love him too.
670 · Dec 2012
Light
I try to keep it
Light-hearted
Friendly

It isn't easy

I try to make it
Believable
But no one is
Listening

It isn't easy

Why don't you listen
When I say
I have to
Leave you
Behind

Where
light can
Reach
You

It isn't easy
624 · Oct 2012
Missing
Sometimes, for you,
I wish some of the pieces weren't missing.
I would pick up all the sharp shards with my hands; my fingertips would bleed,
I would have no care for the pain,
I have nothing to lose, you have everything to gain
Listen to me, your pieces aren't missing,
One day someone will catch your heart-
When you open your eyes to them
Living in your world as if it was whole, you'll see,
Your pieces aren't missing,
They have been collected by me.
620 · Jan 2013
Sleep
So tired
   I feel
      My brain
         Is melting
So sleepy
   I ache
      My eyes
         Are hurting
So dreamy
   I think
      My body
         Is
            Finally
               Asleep.

— The End —