Deep inside-
If you allow yourself to connect to the earth...
you can reveal in you,
the Mayan,
the Aztec,
the Egyptian,
the Native American,
or whatever background you may have...

It lies within *all of us.
And, if you listen to the call
you can unlock yourself.
Your true spirit.
The reincarnation of those before you.
We all possess the ability,
the talent. the spirituality...
We just don't all know how to channel it.

It lies just beneath the flesh.
Underneath all the dirt,
all the scars,
all the trash...
Waiting for the awakening of your soul.
Waiting for you to hear.

If you are lost in the rat race.
If you are trying so desperately to find
happiness, riches, or love...
You tune out everything else.
You will never hear it...
You will never feel the itch,
only the struggle.

You will never know the bliss
of feeling your soul at complete rest,
at complete peace,
full of love...
Or hear the song of the birds,
or the waves,
or the wind.
Your mind will only reach as deep,
as they tell you it can go.
And you can only see what you want,
not what you have,
not what is all around you,
not what you have been so blind from
all this time.
When you hear the call you will see...

Beauty has nothing to do with the beholder,
its all about the perspective of the witness.
And if you are too busy chasing,
what they tell you is important...
You will never truly see.

I have reached that place within..
I feel my soul growing every day.
I get closer to this world,
to the Earth,
....to its aura....
I fall deeper in love.
With the same place that was around before.
But, now I have new eyes.
I have their eyes.
Not tarnished by greed,
arrogance, desire, condemnation!
I see with only purity....
**I have awakened!

............................................
"Why are you biting your fingers?", she asks and the question grabs me with surprise.
                                                                                                               .......................................................
As I flash my dark eyes in her direction I decide to admit "To keep from biting my lips..."
                             .............................................
Her shy half-smile and returned glaring eye contact tells me that the reason for the turning gears in my head are understood....

The pounding in my chest-
The racing in my head...
The voice inside begging for release,
and tears burning behind my eyes.

Hands clenched-
Fingernails digging into these sweaty palms.
I want to hit my knees...
I want to scream...
I want to *****...
I don't-

The stream of salt water runs down
Bloodshot eyes-
As sleep does not come easily..
I am walking in a dream anyway.
I have tried pinching myself to wake up!
But the pain just got me high-
And off I went again

This woman appears in the distance...
The smoke escapes from between her pursed lips
Inside me is a longing to ask
Why she indulges in such subtle suicide..
I suppress the desire.
For I realize
I am doing the same by loving you.

The initial surprise covers emotion
numbs out every thought you could hope to have
life goes on and you walk....
but the world seems to run right past
your just a ghost....

REALITY
everything you are warned about sets in
the deterioration is unfamiliar
but that doesn't stop it from happening
and you are a ghost......

SEDATION of the mind seems to help
and you live in the scenes of a dream
as your skin goes cold
you fade into knowing
that you are a ghost......

LIFE breathes back into your lungs
and your being shifts out of imagination
a final burst of hope
as you begin to decide you will not become
a ghost.....

The terrible truth is...
I love that I can run away!
That I can escape into this world...
Where everything is anything I want it to be.


Where you are just a figment of my imagination.
And, I can make you so much sweeter.
And there is no negativity,
no melancholy drama.

Here the animated beauty I see,
lies within everything, even you.
I can twist your evil words into a sweet sweet song ringing in my head.
The animosity in the room is not palpable,
and there is only a longing to dance in rhythm.

Oh I love this land of make believe!
Where just a word turns into a constant outflow.
Or a solitude thought of fantasy,
becomes an intriguing and engulfing page.

I love the traffic jam in my head,
just waiting to become permanent ink.
Words strung together never to be taken back,
to just linger in the world....
waiting for someone to cherish them.

To open eyes and minds....
To inspire and ignite imagination and individuality!
To provide an escape for you and them...
To provide a mental island for myself.

Inside my blissful hideaway..
Everything is so comfortable!
No rules to follow, no expectations to meet.
Complete freedom.*
Oh how I do love it here.....

Sometimes when my heart breaks you don't even care....
Just try to play it off and act like the victim..
I have no patience for this anymore.
If i was your priority i think i would know by now.....
But i am not.
There is so much more that i deserve.
I ******* hate you.

The treeline almost resembles mountains,
reflected in the calm waters below....no wind
not even a breeze.

The pink, turning purple and blue clouds
resemble cotton candy.
And a smile comes over me
remembering childhood.

The array of color with this sunset..
and the moon hanging above,
not yet revealing the constellations.

The frogs sing to me here,
I lay back onto the warm ground.
The blades of bright green grass tickle my neck.
Even the crickets laughter rings.

I close my eyes...
Feel the wetness brimming.
I hear the waterfall behind..
Such steady rhythm.

The whole world revealing a lullaby.
Never-ending, and breath-taking.

Why is it...

That my reflection is only **pretty-
In a ***** mirror?

Clean glass-
Showing off all my imperfections..

While the stains-
Seem to cover *all of mine.

My breath is stolen...
In this moment of perfection.

Comfortably seated at the base of this tree.
But, you are missing.

As I look up-
The brilliant sun's light
piercing through the limbs and leaves

As they sway gently with the breeze
Oh how I wish you could see this...
My spirit embellishes in this..

The sounds-
The warmth-
This moment...
is God.

The highest power...
Strong enough to make a strong woman
such as myself-
melt.

Into the helpless seduction
of such pure peace.

I would love to say I am one of those people who just doesn't give a ****!
I would love to say that it doesn't hurt or bother me..
when people say "people like you"
are what's wrong with America...
I would be lying...
I don't know why-
Why I care what they think
or that they hate us!
Or, think we are disgusting...
Or, that we are so different from them.
I shouldn't care!
But, I do....
Just the same
I should not feel inadequate
or sad because I cannot give you a baby...
But I am...and I do...
Part of me feels that moving somewhere
that we could get married would change things...
That somehow the whole population
wouldn't be like that.
I know that I am just kidding myself-
I know that people will have their views no matter where we go.
But, it doesn't stop me from wishing-
That we were not considered so different...
Because we love someone of the same gender...
And for those that think this is what we have chosen.
HATE, RIDICULE, HARDSHIP, SEPERATION
WHO WOULD CHOOSE THAT?
I wouldn't, I didn't!
It chose me, God chose me!
To even begin to try to think I could fit in
to your lines defining "normal" is ridiculous.
It would be impossible....
Besides that fact that I would never be albe
to lay with a man-
I have already found love.
Yes, LOVE! with a woman..
And no, neither of us are perfect...
But, together....we make a perfect couple.
Like two weights on a scale we balance...
AND I LOVE HER!!
AMERICA CAN GET OVER IT!!!

Burning ***** of fire and gas...
from down here are so beautiful.
I sit within my vessel...
float with the current.

Rocking steadily...
and my mind, being in complete meditation,
cannot absorb the beauty hanging above my head.

I am high off of the serenity,
and romance fills my lungs....
as the gentle breeze dances in my hair and caresses my face.

I disappear into the peace of this moment.
My soul merges with the world around...
The water appears as glass,
reflecting the stars.

The insects of the night serenade with a song...
ringing of summer freedom.
I close my eyes and listen....

My fingers dance above the water.
There, the refreshing coolness reawakens me.
Conscience now....

No longer lost in hypnosis,
I can see that this is just as beautiful as before.

Eyes open or closed has no meaning.
The immaculate intensity around,
lies in our minds...in our interpretation.

Can you please use your telescope?
Look out into the universe and know I'm there..
It may take some zooming in and out,
But i am in the atmosphere.
Floating abundantly with the stars..
But i don't shine as bright.
Please look really hard...
About a half an hour past midnight-
There i will be,
Hovering just above the moon.
Sitting, waiting, wishing
That you will come and join me soon.
We can dance with Venus all day long..
Or just sit and watch the earth.
Slide down the rings of Jupiter..
Or wait for the sun's rebirth.
It's far too hot to visit mars..
But i think we could take Neptune.
For now I'll wait on mercury..
Sitting, waiting, wishing...
*That you will come join me soon.

Burning bright strands of hair
encapsulate my memory.
Fair complexion,
and concrete eyes.
Shifting-
encompassing my pain
At a loss of knowing
no options.
Initial failure
heartbreaking and condemning.
Liberated,
but you don't know.
I am searching
but there is no trail of breadcrumbs.
I am chasing the shadow of a ghost.
So unobtainable.
I cannot give up!
My dreams never looked so bright
as what I am living now.
Yet here I am.
Where are you?
Do you even know
that you changed,
that you saved,
my life?

the pen seems to crash onto the table.
her tired hand shaking finds it way under the pillow....
no sleep for days as she has been putting it all down.
as if not to be able to stop.
everything she sees, everything she hears, and everything she does,
inspires riddles and rhymes to flow from inside.
its a gift...

some people say she has talent.
some people say she is good...
but they don't understand the insanity of an unstoppable mind.
inspiration they call it...
she laughs and it is unnerving...
inspiration...no...

she explains that someone has turned the volume to full blast
on every single one of her senses.
beauty is more beautiful and smells are much sweeter
and sadness cuts deeper and pain is.....
unbearable.

a line or two in her head
repeats over and on until she puts it down.

but she cannot stop at just one line or two,
no the words keep coming and before long she has filled a page.
the mistake she makes is rereading
for one line she wrote in her comatic fury
will start the dance all over again.
and she writes....and she hopes....
she can sleep a bit before she is again
plagued by a drive, a desire, a need
to write.....

The rain falls like tears,
slow and steady.
These clouds loom overhead.
I can see the light fighting to peak from behind....



There is a gentle release.
The rain is washing the world,
as these tears wash the soul,
leaving a crisp luminosity.
Tender with the reflection
of the areas the light fails to reach.



The area where they meet,
the light and the rain,
the smile and the tears...
Reveals a rainbow.
A spectrum of emotion and color-
with no reachable end.
So beautiful, so touching.

Human nature.
Humanity, and nature.
Complex reflections of one another.
Unending uncertainty,
and unrivaled relentlessness
shows unparalleled misunderstanding.

There is a clock ticking on the wall.....
I hear every second, every minute, every hour as it ticks away.
I can hear it....but I cant see it.

There is an hourglass sitting on the table....
the sand pours through and I can see as every second,
every minute, every hour falls away.
I can see it, but I cannot hear it,
or taste, nor immediately feel it.

What is it that really defines time?
We break things down to milliseconds
but our brains do not have the capacity to really register it.

Yesterday, I stood in the rain
put my head to the sky and let the drops hit my face.
It only takes a millisecond for the drop to fall on my lips,
but it takes three times that for my brain to realize it.

My sister was born and then I blinked....
and she will be starting school this year.
I am scared to blink again, honestly.

I want so desperately to pretend it doesn't exist,
that the restraints of time are something we simply made up.

Then, I see my grandparents,
and the increase in the number of wrinkles on their faces,
and I know that the only thing that this could be blamed on is
....time.

I feel us...
Growing and shifting and changing...
and separating.
Becoming more and more different with each passing day.
When we first met things were not like this.

Sometimes it seems that day was just yesterday,
then we fight and I know we are drifting.
And I hate it!!

I wish I could go back...
in time.

My life, your life, their lives, are passing
Not enough done in a solitude day..
and we are all falling behind.
The last generation is dying out.
Our generation is growing up,
we are taking over and we are not prepared...

Yet, there is just no way
that we could ever stop *time.

Today seems a little different than all the rest. My senses feel heightened slightly, my head may split in two and my heart may be dancing right in my chest. There is not much sunshine out, but I am ready and motivated. While this may be normal for some for me I should still be in REM sleep right about now with the off chance I would be up if the sun were shining right in my window. I have this feeling that I have so much to learn. Like there is something I am wrong about or maybe just not quite right about. But that, however, is typical me.....thinking about things then over thinking about things until I have analyzed every situation from every angle and every possible option or method. It doesn't make since to me either....I just know I can suddenly smell all the beauty in this world right from my doorstep. Other peoples sentences and everyday phrases have different meaning today. Well, for this part of the day. Morning is always different from the rest of the day. Morning is slow and easy...time to drink coffee and listen to the birds friendly conversation, even when working morning is a time to collect yourself and the job. Assemble yourself or your work item so that for the rest of the day it or you will be running like a well oiled machine. As the day progresses, any parts of life become more hectic. The corporate people of the world are at the breaking point and somehow it seems to show only in road rage....By this time at work someone will have thrown a wrench into the machine I took care to assemble so meticulously this morning. By evening or nightfall the high pace of humanity has taken its toll on all of us, causing irritability and sloth. This is something some people come face to face with everyday, while others hide it away behind closed doors, which is fine with me because by now I am feeling the strain too and really don't feel like putting up with it from everyone else.....but we do. Thus, ending a cycle that has become all too common in our world. But this day if different. This day the birds will sing until two and lunch hours will be filled with laughter and smiles. People will go home and be kind to their mates and discuss not a single detail of their typical work day. Instead they will enjoy a nice dinner in the yard with the children their love created dancing along to the music our world creates if you stop and listen.....the family dog will lie faithfully on the porch and the cat will not tease. If allowed this will be different than ever before. You may even smell a rose today. I saw something in you, and I know what I saw. It was blindingly bright, but caught such a hold on me that I cannot wriggle away from it's grasp. I have a love that some people search for their whole lives. Some people find it and let it slip away as I have before...That love was reflected to me through you, and in you.

Sometimes when my heart breaks you don't even care....
Just try to play it off and act like the victim..
I have no patience for this anymore.
If i was your priority i think i would know by now.....
But i am not.
There is so much more that i deserve.
I ******* hate you.