My thoughts take a numbing halt
Lightning strikes down my spine
I cannot feel, but I can still see.

The world continues moving around me,
Though, I am stuck in repetition
Cannot pull myself out of my own head
It is like I am living each day in a false reality.

I am not walking around my neighborhood each morning,
Instead I am following beside a girl who looks and acts as I do.
I watch her comb through the thoughts in her mind;
Pick apart each problem and wonder how she has decided to solve them.
She gently pushes herself to continue down another street,
For she will not return home until her mind is settled.
Today she is a ghost of whoever she used to be.
In the final moment,
As my mind nearly slips away entirely,
We become one body again as I round the corner back to my street-
My house approaches and I catch up to my feet again.

I liked it better,
when you kept your clothes on the floor of my closet-
Keeping your shirts on hangers between my own
was a connection I didn't know I needed so badly.

I felt like I had more security
Knowing you always had a reason
to come back to me.

Your black and grey t shirt feels a lot more loose
now that we've disconnected.
I wish I could find at least one of your cardigans hidden in my laundry.

I miss having you around
I miss your shoes in my closet.

Days are passing faster
My mind no longer spins as hard-
I have found my peace
In the thoughts I cannot stop.

My clock ticks
Seconds passing, and minutes, and hours, and days-
A year has gone by
I am still affected
But no longer stunned by flashing memory of you.

I am experienced in my own control now
I have power over my mind
And I use it everyday to push you out.

It's nearly 6 a.m.
and I'm still awake-
My head pushed against your pillow, because mine's fallen to the floor.
You're still slightly snoring,
Still snoozing softly,
and I am filled and I am happy.

It's dark outside, I'm waiting on sun to seep through your blinds
I suppose it's going to be cloudy today-
But I can still see your slumber;
The way your chest rises and falls with my breath,
Your eyelids flutter slowly in tune to the dreams dancing across your head.
I stroke your hair and your fingers twitch gently against my arm.
I never want to fall back asleep,
I am entranced by your dormancy.
Looking at you makes me feel everything I've ever wanted all at once.

The alarm clock sounds
and I'm just starting to doze off
But you're rolling over-
Arms wrap around me, pulling me closer
and I can't tell if I'm smiling at you or in my dream
But I am so happy in our small moment.

Please press snooze
I need you to sleep with me now.

I would sleep better on your floor
Than I do in my own bed.

I hate sleepless nights
And rolling over to the spot you always lay
Instead of into your arms.

I would enjoy the scratch of your carpet on my body
And pillow creases against my cheeks
As long as it means I'm next to you.

I can't stand all these pillows anymore
Without you to share them with.

This has got to be the thousandth time Ive thought of you tonight.

I would keep a tally
But
At this point everytime I touch a pen,
I just end up writing about you instead.

I am brutally falling for you.

I scar my knuckles with bruises as I grip your hand in mine
Hoping to never let you go.
Break my teeth keeping jealousy at bay
Trying hard not to let you hear the worst of what I should say.
Slice my tongue against your skin
Attempting to breathe in every bit of you while I still can.

I break my bones holding on so tight each night
Only to repair and prepare for when you leave each morning.