You said
I was a good person
You made the guilt shift and move
It tightened in my chest
And I figured it would be safe
To just nod yes
I choked
And you spoke
You said blissful things
Your eyes never pierced like that day
When you said I was a good person
You said it so many ways
I knew I would forget in days
Knew I'd push the innocence away
Let it slither down the darkest
Let it tunnel down in my heart
I stood there,palms sweating
Heart thumping
I stood there and listened
The weather grew cold
And skys turned stony
Your breath showed
As you puffed out every word
I tried to tell you
Tried to show you with my eyes
So I would never have to with my actions
You leaned closer
My back hit brick
You smiled
I simply looked at you
You said
I was a good person
As you moved closer
I thought
I won't be, after you leave.

Knew this feeling
Long before it came into being
As you smiled reassuringly
As you slipped from the window
As the light splintered across the snow
So fresh
As we crunched through it
We spoke through bumping elbows
And gentle awkward coughs
Our fleeting smiles
Our rosy cheeks
Our daring meet of hands
We trudged through the snow
Crusty with hardened ice
I knew this feeling
Before it even came into being

You laughed
The sound fell on my ears
My face was flushed
And in my rush to get up
My feet met ice once more
My bottom felt very very sore
You face contorting in amusment
Hunched over
Teeth bared
You were nothing but a wolf
In very cute sheep's clothing....
I stumbled gracefully as I could covered in fluffy bits of snow
I huffed past you
Determined not to nudge my chin from it's lofty height
You laughed some more and raced after me
You tackled me
We landed so awkwardly
Your legs on one side of my snow covered boots
Your face two inches from mine
You laughed again
I glared
You stopped laughing and considered me
You grinned and said
'You're a kluts'
I wiggled under you determined to give you a piece of my mind
My mind....That was so happy to see you
So willing to be near you
And that was rolling down the same path as my heart
You leaned closer and whispered
'One of the many reasons I like you'
I paused my wiggling for a second
'You're like a snowflake, different everytime I look at you.'
I tilted my head and listened ever so intently
'Plus you're kinda cold...'
I rolled my eyes
"You're romantic"
You just grinned that sloppy off balanced smile
'You must be, the Snow Queen or something, you give the best winter kisses.'
Our faces so close now
The snow was freezing,seeping into my jacket
You pressed your lips to mine
And gave me a million different winter kisses.

To this awkwardness
I stay true
Who's to be me
If I'm trying to be you?
Where does the line draw
And how can I step above and not across?
Can't look in the mirror
and see Ads
Can't model clothes that look just like overpriced bags
Can't be perfect
Can't be fake
Then again can't figure out just what it takes
To get up everyday
and feel worth fighting for
To feel that something in every way
I cling to this me
It's the only thing I can be

The conversation of a lifetime
As we sit
Spinning words from the air around us
Tension filled
And woven with hints of strength
Every breathe and movement
Recorded
Taken in
Soaked up and filtered through
Glances to the right
To an empty wall with stories untold
To the left
A window, filled with the smell of the world
To each other's eyes
Only to fall back on to simple laps
Too scared of the riled feelings
Overwhelming sense of anticipation
Licking my lips
Savoring the flickers of life
I forget what we are talking about
But we keep talking
The conversation of a lifetime
I don't remember what's been said
But I have the rest of my life to listen.

Will you be there, when the lights go down
and time takes it slow
If the rain stopped today, would you praise the sun
Forget the storm
Run wild in the heat
When my curtain closes, and all you can see is my eye
Glaring back at you
Will you buy a ticket for another show?
After summer fun in the park
Late at night
With the dark breeze around us
And the noises so soft
Graffiti surrounding
If the words weren't so foul,
would you lose them from the mind's eye
I need only reach out
Brush your sleeve
I know you are here.

Dear you,
Dear anyone,
Dear someone,
Would you listen to me?
I just have a few things to say, a few statements to make.
This can't be healthy.
This can't be me.
I am just trying to find a corner to stay in
Tired of blowing from place to place
Where should I stay?
No place wants someone so unstable.
No one wants the girl who's opinions and stances
change with the temperature.
No one wants to wait for the storms to stop.
And no one should have to.
If I could choose a me
I would
And I do.
But my decisions are never permanent.
My temperature is never decided.
I could never stay just one way
No matter how hard I try to make sense of everything...
I always point something out to myself that doesn't fit
So if someone could just tell me how to fix this
If someone could just tell me how to slow my thoughts down
How to simmer my anger
How to curb my obsessions
How to move on
If someone could tell me the secret to relaxing
To not caring
Maybe I could be a better person
Maybe I could be a better friend
Maybe I could be a better daughter
If someone could tell me...How to ignore myself
When I am filled with rage
Blind in all it's flames
Then I wouldn't burn myself
Then I wouldn't be by myself
So could you tell me?
Could you help me?
This is just a desperate prayer
To anyone and any kind of God out there.
Because I've spent years praying to myself,
And I have yet to receive an answer.
So could you?