The monster takes me under,
once again.
He tears away at my logic,
turning me an awful shade of green.
The monster takes me under,
to play with all my thoughts.
Injecting me with poison,
to make me lose control.
The monster takes me under,
makes me see things that aren't there.
The monster takes me under,
into a state of udder despair.
The monster knows how to control me,
to make me his lovely puppet.
He knows what makes me happy,
He knows what makes me sad.
But most of all the Monster knows,
What makes me jealous and oh so mad.
The monster has the power,
to turn me against my friends.
The monster knows what he wants,
and won't stop until the end.
The monster knows my pains,
and how I will react.
The monster also knows,
just when he should attack.
The monster takes me under,
he makes me turn away
from all the love I'll leave behind,
When I really want to stay.

They say their goodbyes
as I sit back and watch,
silently wishing
I was doing the same.

They will begin new lives,
happy and scared.
Meeting new people,
making life-long friends.

They are building
their future.
Educationally and
emotionally.

I pretend to be happy,
for them, again and again.
But envy engulfs me,
as I clench my fists.

I am stuck here alone,
with the old and forgotten.
Not to experience new things,
new people, new life.

I will remain the same,
neither growing nor changing.
More so, reverting
Back to the horrors I've grown to love.

I am jealous and sad,
lonely and depressed.
I pretend to be happy,
But for what good?

I will sit here alone.

You make me burst out in tears.
Joy, sadness, and love.
I am overwhelmed
each and every time
I see you.

The Butterflies return
Time after time.

Your chin so prominent,
Your smile so bright,
Your eyes so entrancing.

An embrace like no other,
Warm, filled with love.
Awkward and uncomfortable.

Kisses soft, hard, slow, fast.
Intense.

You pretend to be, things you are not,
But inside I see your love, compassion,
Fear, sorrow, joy.

Giggles like a child ring true from your mouth,
as I softly tickle your tanned, speckled belly.

Wrapped in your arms,
a caterpillar in a cocoon.
Safe, sound, secure.

We yell and we cry.
We kiss and we smile.
We hurt and we heal.

You are mine,
I am yours.
No matter who has loved you,
or who will love you when we part,
The love that pours from my heart,
for you,
Will continue until I cease to.

You make me laugh,
cry,
scream,
shudder,
in joy, anger, despair, love.

You lift me from the abyss that is my mind.
You remind me why I want to be alive.

All I could ask for
Is a tight hug when I cry
A light kiss on the cheek,
Saying everything will be alright.
All I could ask for is your sweaty hand in mine
as we walk the town aimlessly.
All I could ask for is your love,
True and complete.
All I could ask for is kind words
When I'm sad.
All I could ask for is for you
to fight for me
To want me
to love me
to want to keep me by your side.
To kiss me
to hug me
to miss me when I'm gone
To hold me close when i'm with you
All I could ask for is to know you love me back.

One hundred and five days
wasted.
Down the drain
along with the crimson and
I tried.

Pushed to the limit, I
Could not control
that which my skin
begged for.

Crawling like a thousand
ants.  Screaming, wretching,
Pleading. Give me
More.

And I gave in, weak in my
Pain.  I could not control,
Myself, my mind, my
Hands.

They say relapse,
Is necessary in recovery but
I say it's
Failure.

Failure and weakness,
Reminding me that I cannot
Overcome the
Monsters.

I begin the count again,
One two three,
Waiting to see how long it will
Take.

One Hundred and Five days
Gone to waste, and I
Tried, and I
Failed.