𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Feb 2021

In my weeping and grieving,
Mourning and despair,
I cry out to the Lord just like the psalmist did.
I wait and i wait, in my weeping and shame.
My guilt covers me like a blanket wrapped snugly around my body.
I wait and i wait, in my weeping and heartache.
My spirit longs for you, oh Lord
But my heart wants something else to comfort me.
Strip me of this anguish, as i tremble and ache.
In my weeping, you tell me to rejoice for Your glory will be seen from within.
You take the most broken and outcast into Your glorious family.
In our weakness, we rejoice for we rely solely on Your strength.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Feb 2021

glory, glory to the risen King.

He came into this world fully God and fully man.
having created all things for His glory, but they did not recognise Him.
He disturbed them, He was despised by them.
all of nature bowed down to the Light, who was, is and will always be,
but man, in all their pride, rejected Him.
the divine nature and pureness of the lamb of God, subjected to division and darkness of the world.
living among sinners and oppressors.
living among the sick and the outcasts.
He lived a poor man's life and died a sinners death.
rejected by many, but loved by the Father is a love far more lovely than the foolish and temporary love that is often clung to.
Perfect and marvelous
He healed and ate,
taught and laughed
and loved a love that can still be felt through generations
and generations.
Glory, to the One who loves both Jew and Gentile,
Glory to the One who through His blood, brought salvation,
Glory to the One who conquered death,
and glory to He, who despite being hated by many, loved them so much, that He gave them freedom even though they were sinners.
yes, glory to the sinless lamb of God.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Nov 2020

the hopelessness of the world

in darkness we roamed around this world, as wretched souls who were spiritually dead.
we are slaves to sin and oppositions of the Heavenly realms.
we thought we were free, but stuck in a prison with all our deepest desires, guilt, regret, shame and hurt splattered along the grey, decaying walls.
yet all of it should've been worth it, right?
we had some happiness, just a little, i swear it was worth it.
but its never enough, and we can try hard but we'll never be satisfied.
we make idols out of our deepest pleasures and bow down to statues and stars.
worshiping something, even though you'll say otherwise.
we serve sin.
we glorify sin.
and yet we want hope and peace that which cannot be found in the deep pit of division and transgression.
there was nowhere out.
you could try as hard as you want, but it's like an addiction,
and we're just looking for our next fix
because we thought there was no home to mend us.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Nov 2020

i'm sorry. i repeat.

maybe if i tried harder it would be different.
but i do try hard, at least i think i do.
its hard for me to tell You that i'm struggling, that i feel unable to be anymore.
everything feels so repetitious,
me wanting so desperately to be different but repeating the same patterns.
i try to take my feelings out of the equation, but they worm themselves back in and i'm left feeling like i don't belong with You.
like i cant do anything right.
like i'm never going to change.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
like the tick of a clock, the sound deafening in the silence,
i repeat the words amidst the quiet.
loud and annoying,
i'm sorry.
i repeat.
but You're here, even in my struggles,
even when i'm sorry.
even when i feel like an addict unable to change, when i seek the change so much.
i'm sorry.
i repeat.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Sep 2020

shattered facade

a broken mask fractured on the ground
laying in a million tiny pieces.
I am afraid of who I am without my disguise,
which shields me from the uncertainty of this world.
will they accept me for who I am not?
or deny me of who I am becoming?
I can only imagine the rejection and guilt.
my anxious thoughts,
a constant reminder of how destructive my mind can be.
and also, a gesture of how You annoint my head with oil, like a good Shepherd.
who You are making me,
who You have called me to be, oh Lord,
is greater than all the confusion and pain this world holds.
may we cling to Your safety and refuge.
may we rejoice when our pretence is demolished.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Sep 2020

psalm 23:4

i am walking in the valley of the shadow of death, faced with the trials and tribulations it holds.
barefoot and in the dark, with my sin and guilt wrapped around me like a skintight dress.
all the mistakes, all the wrong choices, engraved in my skin like a tattoo.
i am hopeless and starving for another outlet, another drug.
i am afraid, i have no guide, no light.
those cold hands caress my body as temptation leads me in,
i cannot escape its grasp.
i cannot get full.
always empty,
never happy.
and then, You came along.
like a Shepherd, with your rod to pull us out of danger, out of the deep, darkness that encloses.
your staff to guide, and give us rest.
why should i fear?
when You are standing right next to me,
not giving me directions, or a map,
You give me Yourself.
You hold my hand and walk through the darkness with me.
Your light capturing the shadows and lighting the way to the narrow path we walk.
𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩,
𝘪 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘯𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭,
𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦.
𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘰𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘧𝘧,
𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘦.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Sep 2020

when the birds go free

stuck in a tiny metal cage waiting for someone to set them free.
an image of the pure beauty that was created, locked up for our pleasure,
to admire and to shame.
white feathers coated in dust and darkness,
where did it all go wrong?
who is to blame for this insanity?
"all that you want, i have," he says,
but he can never have all that they need.
admiring from the inside of steel bars, the picture of the great green and blue serene, always to admire but never to encounter again.
they are like prisoners, trapped in the confines of the jail he shamelessly created based on lies, deceit and manipulation,
and helplessly they became prey.
in a little metal cage, they gaze at was, and what could've been if their hearts had only fell into Your comforts.
vulnerable and exposed they wait for the day You come to open the tiny gate separating them from life.
and when the birds finally go free,
You will be there, in triumph, watching in joy and love,
giving them the peace that You are.
there will always be wants, but You are all that they need.
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳,
𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘴 𝘶𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦.