5a.m. for the fourth day in a row
ruby red filigree in my eyes glows
sleepless fissures reflect in the window glass
and
I ride this train again
and I
still feel
nothing

6p.m. for the fifth night in a row
snuffer of light continues on his show
sleepless pursuit demands another dosage
and
I ride this train again
Focused
I feel
Nothing

12 o'clock noon for the tenth day in hand
lunchtime finds me at an old street side stand
hypnotized, eating, still entranced by a man
and
I scan his dossier
and I
still feel
nothing

2a.m. neon tracers over dance
undulating bodies keep up to task
sleeplessly bound for fate encounters of chance
So
I stand in rain again
Lonely
I feel
Hopeless

Would waking correct me
I'd kneel down, delighted!
Fall softly to sleep
under these streetlights.
Would my call permit me
I'd retreat in belief
that all will be well!
Under these blinking white streetlights,
under the cosmos
but my work commits me
to wakeful burden, to half-light alley-
ways in Hell

I don't want to see your ****.
You
never asked me if I did.
You
whipped it out and showed me pictures.
Maybe if you made a date.
You
could present it next Friday.
You
could proudly display your ****-dang.

As long as it's consensual there will be a question mark
-- but I should let you know that I'm not into that, no,
for years I tried to loosen up but there was no ill to fix.
Understand, please
I love ***** and *******
-- but it all starts with the one thing I've only found once
and now I cannot let it go.
You try and sell me your wanting body
when I'm looking for a lover selling scented pillows
so I can ******* sleep.

She's there, suddenly noticed, woman from the dream
Above the dance floor, red hair fire falling down around a moonlight face
All others blur in the sea of bodies and burn on the sidelines of tunnel vision as the freckles of stars
Cerulean eyes vacuum the dark within a frame that illuminates and
I'm struck, suddenly pulling a name from ether

Julia,
I whisper*

Gunshot
rings, three drinks in
reach to the rib to feel dress wear for which metal was traded
Gunshot
bartender dead
one stray bullet punctured his head burst through the back and then popped

a fifth of Jameson.

Kick
Punch
Elbow
Motion slicing and justified
Neck
Snap
Disarm
Violent crash when pacified
Autonomy engage,
Bang, bang
Enrage
She
A

Knife

Gunshot
nine times in row
nine suited men dropped still in tow, two more take employees' door
Gunshot
following fast
upstair sprint with empty clip, K.O. with strong arm hefty throw

She leaves safe with escort
Up one more flight to the rooftop
This isn't the first time Julia's run away
This is the first time she's been chased by wanting legs
Who otherwise stood still on the platform watching a present face
Depart when maybe just maybe there was a chance in three words, sure

In three words

Violent crash in memory
Autonomy engage,
Retrace the pain
and follow
dream
A
l
i
g
h
t

Why waste your time talking, are you insane?
You're pushing real buttons when you could play.
Offer me a gun,
Offer me a blade,
Offer me an answer
Cemented firmly in old ways
Or I will crush you in insults with the language you would use to say,
"Expand"

Only one solution to such a simple problem.
Get what is rightly yours or just defeat or justly save.
Offer me the newest
best displayed gun
with the best gimmick
and I'll offer you several days
but once I hear the pleas with common language and you choose to say,
"Expand"

I have no choice but to crush you into the dirt from whence you came!
So say it. Say what you will. I need to use this answer I obtain.

There are those whose ideas work to change the normative horror
but they're working beyond the confines and outside exposure
necessary to ever, ever, realistically begin the revolution leading
to the evolution necessary for our medium to truly newly thrive
and sure it will survive, you're right about that, but I myself
would like to see a future where when given ultimate control
of a problematic situation, I'm not standing on a platform
made of mechanics that come from a singular origin and only
give me a killswitch, saying, "In which way would you like
to end more lives", and though it's a nice enough reprieve
don't get me wrong, I'd rather have an expansive platform
to stand on where I might be given a multitude of options
that may possibly end in my choosing not to become a
soldier.

Get back.
Rescue.
Retrieve.
Destroy.
Revenge.

Are we lost to the tropes which provide the most money for instant growth
that knowingly keep us from ever, ever truly growing and expanding?
Will this be forever the list we're left to roam?

Into the everything,
a hard coded "is":

OOO
U
RRR
F
AAA
T
EEE
S

intertwined.