Cold and unforgiving, no longer caring,
no longer happy, but also not grieving
My body just sits here, numb, motionless,
for what feels like a thousand years
Forgetting what it means to remember,
like using logic to sort through the feelings
Like a statue made up of *****,
like a machine choking on its own tears
Like trying to escape from a room with no door
Surrounded by people, and still so alone
Each day comes darker than the one before
Heart turned cold, then turned to stone
Petrification of compassion and empathy
Metastasis of pathological apathy
Irony and cynicism replace joy and hope
Divinity and love exchanged for empty *** and dope
Unrelenting curses and half Muffled screams
Mask the sudden death of unrealized dreams
Such is the nature of love which has been lost
Before it ever even had a chance to live.
Such is the nature of mercy and grace
Before it ever even learned to forgive.

We were making plans, you and I,
And now we're not. We're just not.
How could we let this just slip by?

We were so 'in love', and it was real.
At least for me it was. For me it is still.
But you took your love for another to feel.

You not only took your love from me,
You took so much more than you know.
More than I will ever let you see.

So for now I'll just say that I'm okay
And maybe someday it will be true.
Eventually I'm sure the pain will go away

So many things I wanted to tell you
Things I KNOW you'd want to hear
And even more that we were going to do

I'm left with nothing but unanswered questions
And the slow death of our unfulfilled dreams
And that's alright in your world it seems.


You were so selfish in the way you took yourself away from me.
Not even the courtesy of hearing what I had to say.
You took the easy way out. No courage needed.
Just say your piece, then run away.

*Where is the honor in that?

I want to feel myself move slowly through you
I want to feel your skin against my skin
I want to know the day without will give way to the night within
My mind wanders through these thoughts of you
While my body sits for hours like a statue made of stone
Making love to your soul—With the essence of my own.
Gazing intently, passionately into each other's eyes—
These eyes become the portal through which our souls collide.
Transcending the physical. It's a super-human experience,
It's two souls becoming intertwined; moving through each other.
Divinity and beauty beyond words; beyond reason; beyond logic; beyond time.
And so with fire racing through my veins, and quickening breaths
At the very thought, I wait ever patiently to be with you my love.

I've never been a religious person,
And maybe now I can explain why
I'm not saying I can answer things like
"Where do we go when we die?"

So many of the answers are right in our face
But still leave the question to beg
Things like which one do you think came first?
Was it the chicken or was it the egg?

Now this may not really amount to much
But at least it's some food for thought
It has nothing to do with Darwin or even theology
Which through the ages so many people have bought

This to me, just seems to make sense
And believe me it's nothing divine
This is just my way of filling in the blanks
With these silly little thoughts of mine

Moses' life was altered by the weird **** he'd seen
When he came down off that mountain that day
He'd sat there and talked with a burning bush
and needed to explain that one away!

So he goes down to the people with tablets in hand
And behaving in a way that was quite odd,
He held up the tablets for all to see
And said, "Now look here, I've spoken with God!"

Now let's stop right here for what it's worth
And back up a bit and examine what he saw
There was rumbling and smoke, and a burning bush
But believe me that wasn't all.

I tend to think he witnessed the landing of a craft
Which descended from the heavens above
And the 'God' that he claimed to have spoken with
Was actually the pilot thereof.

This was by no means our first encounter
And it certainly wasn't the last
But doesn't this help to explain a few things
Which we couldn't explain in the past?

Memories of Tomorrow

*A place in my mind where yesterdays memories
lose their will to see the light of another day
No time like the present filled with the thoughts
Which in just a few moments will take their place
Having seen this happen all too often before
And not quite understanding how or why
Those thoughts that will become my future
memories of tomorrow
But that's okay…
Time's not linear anyway…

The spider stopped coming 'round one day
After a rather short-lived affair
It all happened in an innocent way
When he asked me for more spray for his hair.

As I was busy reading a book
I mistakenly grabbed the can of raid
I gave him a squirt, he looked at me with such hurt
And said, "Well played, my love, well played."

Then he slowly turned away from me
And marched stoically out of my sight
I have to admit that I was rather sad
When he didn't come see me that night.

I find it hard to believe that he suspected me
Of having premeditated this plan
He never gave me a chance to explain to him
That in fact I simply grabbed the wrong can.

So another couple of weeks went by
And I got back to my normal routine
Then one fine day, come as it may,
There appeared another spider on my window screen

He came in and sat beside me
Much like the one before
I looked at him, and said, "Oh no! Not again!"
And I got up to head for the door.

He ran after me, screaming "please wait!"
"Please lady, let me explain to you—
The one who came before me was my cousin,
And he wanted you to know his love was true."

I see your discomfort and it saddens me so
I really only wish to be your friend
I promised my cousin I would look after you
And so I shall until the bitter end."

He asked me if I'd like to join him for dinner
And winked at me with three of his seven little eyes
I said "I think that would be interesting, but it really wouldn't work,
Because you don't eat pasta, and I don't eat flies."

Then he motioned to me sayin' watch me now—
He threw his little fuzzy hands up in the air
And as if he heard some music playing on the radio
he began to dance around like he just didn't care!

I watched as he moved to his imaginary beat
And for having eight legs he really danced quite well
So I stood up, and began to feel the rhythm flow
And I danced, and he danced, til upon us morning fell

My spider friend came to visit each night
Before I knew it several weeks had gone by
I found myself really enjoying his companionship
Together we made quite a team, my spider and I.

These ways of this world
And this life as it seems
It gets to be more chaotic by the day

My Mother, she's a strong one
Sometimes it appears as if she
Carries the weight of this world—On her shoulders

Determined to carry on
Even in the face of adversity
I admire the depth of her strength and resolve.

She never really lets it show
But deep down inside I know
She trembles with the fear of uncertainty

Even when things get bad
She keeps moving ahead
In her determination to see the good in the world

I sometimes don't know how she does it
When it seems things are against her
She holds her head up with dignity and pride

So here's to her endless supply of wisdom
And her ageless beauty and grace
To mi Madre'—My undying respect and love.

~ Look Mommy! No Hands! ~*

You came into this world so tiny—So fragile
Indeed broken before you were even fully made
Born twelve weeks too soon and for all appearances sake
Declared dead before being given a chance at life
Doctors speaking at me as they looked right through me
Proclaiming you could never be
They said I should put you in a home and just walk away

But I fought, *and you fought harder— and you showed them
(Look mommy! No hands!)

Then the day came that was never supposed to come
I bundled you up, and took you out to the car, and took you home
I was so frightened I didn't sleep for a week
So terrified that I would wake to find you died in your sleep

But you were a tough one; a warrior really—
(Look Mommy! No hands!)

And every so often through the years, I would glance up
Just in time to hear those four little words that strike terror in the hearts of all moms—
Look Mommy! No Hands!

I should've known after all that you'd fought so hard to get through that you were
Stronger than average, and I should have more faith in you
But when you were all grown, and set out on your own (I grieved tremendously)
Now I'm so proud of you and the man you've become
& your shenanigans no longer shock me—
"Look Mom! No hands!"

As you're running backwards & blind-folded,
over a bed of hot coals,
with rusty scissors,
While drinking from the carton
and leaving the fridge door open…

~Look Mom! No hands!~  

…LOL, son—LOL!    I love you!

Sometimes you feel sad for the sadness
That you didn't feel when you should've
Sometimes when you've had all that you can take
You find that you didn't take all that you could've

I wish I'd been there to tell you
that it didn't have to end this way
I wish you'd just kept believing
that you really would be sane one day

But you already turned it off —
The outsiders trying to find a way in

Turned off the volume of our voices;
And tuned into the hateful voices within

(Why didn't I see the signs?!)

You were right my friend, when you said
Those voices spoke evil to you
It was those voices which told you
That taking your life was all that you could do

Sometimes I feel sad for the sadness
I should've never had to feel
And sometimes when I think I can't take it anymore —
NO! — Wait! Just give me time. I will heal.

*I miss you more than ever, but take comfort in that you don't have to hurt anymore.

The trials of life — they take me on yet another journey
Along a road as yet untraveled by even MY imagination

The tempestuous winds of change blow even harder still —
They knock me down — it seems for a moment that all is lost

But I get back up, and I brush myself off
And I feel the familiar pain, and I live the confusion

Only in the darkness of sleep, will I find my safe-haven
Sweet, blissful sleep — my cherished illusion

Until another day brings me closer to my destination

I'm getting sick & frickin' tired
Of how I'm NOT livin'
Disenchanted by all the chances
That I'm NOT given
It's not that I'm weak
Or that I'm not driven
Not that I can't do
Or that I'm not willin'
And not now & not ever
Did I want to be a burden
It just ***** at times when
Hind-sight is your better vision
But I'm still steppin' up & tryin'
'cuz it's me and I have that ambition
Wild when I wanna be
Always questioning authority
Eyes wide open 'cuz I wanna see
What this life of mine has for me…


And I'm just so ****** tired
Of needin' to be forgiven
I can't do for myself
And you expectin' me to do
For you and feedin' your addiction
I love you just so you know
This was NOT how this was
S'posed to go
Nothin' in this life is free
I'm spent but you still look to me
Like it's my job to fix your pain
And keep you from sleepin' in the rain
There's only so much I can do
The time has come for you to fix you.

You're welcome to examine my thoughts,
Just please don't entertain them;
To do so would be at your own risk.

From the outside looking in,
I can see how you'd be tempted,
But not everything is as it seems.

If you should happen to find yourself
Lost in me, Imprisoned in my dreams,
For your sake, step lightly through my reality.

If by chance you escape, sanity in tact,
Remember, just remember,
It wasn't personal, don't be angry for too long.

Don't be too worried about me,
I'll get along, and be okay in my own way.
And let me thank you for trying to save me from myself.

This labyrinth that is my mind,
It unfolds into what I know is my world
Sometimes my prison, sometimes my escape.

It's always been my reality
The choices are mine to make
But all too often, they end up making me.

I don't at all wish for you to go,
But I understand if it's hard for you to stay
My world can be a frightening place to be.