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3.9k · Jan 2013
Love & Affection
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
What is love without affection?
Is it still love?
Or a similar feeling misleading the needy in the wrong direction. .
A common disease proclaimed infectious.
If so, let me know cause my heart needs a contraceptive.
What is love without affection?
Because if you love me then what's to question?
1.4k · Feb 2013
Poetry
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
Listen,
I wanna embrace a blanket of your sensuality.
I wanna abandon all rationality and create our own boundaries.
I wanna become in tuned with the vibrations of each other's souls.
Want you to climb so steeply within me that you can't find the way out of me.

See I don't wanna make love, I wanna  create precious poetry.
While breathing the same rhythm.
You **** every stanza out of me.

Two pair of eyes undivided, two bodies *****, vigorous, exuding of familiarity.
Make a story out of me.

Feed it descriptions of true beauty.
Not shrewdly,  but do it smoothly.
Let's co write a poem based on our union.
We can be a masterpiece.

Ink stains left in my bed sheets.
I'll lend you my body to use as a diary.
Release all frustrations as you lay your fervor out on me.
Send a chill of suspense intensely towards the inside of my thighs,
just where the margins would be.

Our minds are deadly.
Their correlation, deadlier.
We're writing words so compelling, while releasing showers from hearts too heavy.
Our poetry is nothing to compare to the regular.

Every inch of my body manifesting your touch readily.
I recede as you synchronize my private visions of a flawless fantasy.
Basking in this radiance as you guide your pen to an astonishing ******.
Inducing my body to impasse in ecstasy.

Leaving me dripping with your artfulness.
As if announcing all expectations surpassed.
Drowning me in words that mirror ardor.
Each line so passionate,
I have no such memory of felicity that neither compares nor contrasts.

Every part of my skin left sensitive, tender, and fragile.
My body fluently floating, light as a feather.
Skin now designed and decorated with such puissant letters.
And God forbid we begin to forget the significance of our coalescence.
You can lay me down,
As you read it back to me.
This way, we can reminisce on the angelic medley.

Listen,
I don't just wanna make love,
I want our bodies to intertwine and invoke aesthetic  poetry.
1.2k · Nov 2012
Untitled
Sajdah Baraka Nov 2012
His presence is the only thing that could soothe me when I wake from a bad dream
The words that he speak stick to me like clothing in weather of 100 degrees.
Wisdom and honesty guaranteed as he prepares me for war and the dark side of reality.
Warning me that no man will ever love me like he
I smile, a bright smile interpreting the words as mere courtesy.
I was showered with unconditional love, the kind you’d never have to question.
I sat upon a pedestal, in the center of his attention.
Princess luxuries
And I never for a second thought to take advantage of him
I appreciated every breathe he took
I’d inhale as he exhaled
Every fear I’d sheltered of my future he shook
Every one of my imperfections he effortlessly overlooked.
And he was my energy.
My happiness as well as my misery
For he prepared me for the day that I never want to see
When we shall part until further notice,
So I hold onto every word, every hour, every moment as if it’s golden.
With my father, my hero, my soldier.
1.1k · Dec 2012
Different Yet the Same
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
Same goal. Different intentions
Same start. Different positions.
Same mind. Different dimensions.
Same faith.  Different religions.
Different decisions yet the same results.  
Just like me but not at all.
Same beat just different paces.
Same path just different places.
Same heart just different phases.
Same judge just difference cases.
Difference faces, with similar eyes.
Same hearts matching in size.
Similar books only difference in chapters.
Yet it is mind over matter.
So I ask myself, what really matters?
Repetitiously stuck in mazes with the same, old faded pattern.
Same climb with different ladders.
Same language. Different grammar.
Got focus but no communication.
Same eviction, mine without notification.
Just like me yet not at all.
Same trip. With different falls.
Same road. With different stalls.
He's just like me yet not at all.
1.1k · Jan 2013
Deep Dive
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
Deep dive.
Feel the water burst against your skin, calm the waves that crash within.
slowly sink into the waters of integrity until its knee high.
Meet me at the seaside.
Climb the rocks of ambition and enter caves of progression, freely lose your sense of direction and enjoy the beauty and presence of a new life.
See you're so used to being poolside.
Experience cool vibes.
Let the sea breeze enter your pores and wash you free of disappointments, all while welcoming new tides.
New feelings and new sight.  
Joyful peach mornings and beautiful blue nights.
Allow the golden sand to absorb the overdue cries.
Deep dive.
1.0k · Dec 2012
Messy.
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
Love is a messy business.
Insurance recommended
Can tear you down and strip you dry
Leaving you defenseless
Sometimes mistaken due to cruel intentions
Or good intentions in detention
Either way, keep it at bay.
But this may just be me being defensive
I've developed this defense mechanism
To keep my mind imprisoned
By thoughts of independence
And hopes of better vision
Cause loves known to be a sight to sore eyes
But it's only blurred my vision
1.0k · Oct 2013
Another Sad Love Song
Sajdah Baraka Oct 2013
Sometimes it seems to me that your ultimate goal is to see me broken.
You sit in your chair and twiddle my hearts strings between your fingers.
You strum my chords until the melody becomes too similar to your own.
Then you knot each of my hearts  strings up individually,
Leaving me strung.
Only so you can start all over.
You learn me just to forget me.
Lead me just to leave me.
I'm a game that you love to play.
But only when you haven't smiled a genuine smile for a while.
I make you happy and nervous at the same time.
Cause everyone knows that a sweet hello births the most bitter goodbye.
So when it feels too real, it's too easy for you to run.
In the meantime you just walk the line.
You reside on the equator of my past and future.
And my resistance only assists your thrive.
You are the factor which brings life to my smile.
You are the crease in between my cheek and the corner of my mouth.
Every breathe I take while with you amplifies my high.
I hate you, but I love how you make me feel.
But only sometimes.
You are a wound that will never heal completely.
Marking me imperfectly beautiful. You are my creative collaborator.
Forever infected by your loves venom.
Therefore I bleed thee.
But, we don't relate anymore.
Our pitters don't patter on beat anymore.
Our paths don't meet anymore.
It seems like your hearts not even in reach anymore.
I figure to leave is the only way to settle the score.
But you've packed my bags and you opended the door.
1.0k · Feb 2013
Endangered.
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
We're living in a world where your body is more capturing than your mind.
And "******* *******" is  more important than time.
And time is just for wasting and having fun.
Living it up, "yolo", until your time is gone.
We're living in a world that is deeply confused.
Where the things that are most important are the easiest to lose.
Where no one watches the news
but rather watch bet, vh1, MTV.
Rather hit the studio then hit the books.
Rather say **** studying and become a crook.
Where cops are all crooked.
Where a look can turn into a homicide.
Your block can turn into a crime scene within seconds
And everybody's still acting reckless..
We ARE the endangered species.
and our generation chooses to accept it.
995 · Mar 2013
The Light
Sajdah Baraka Mar 2013
Dream a lucid dream.

Where my attention isn't enough for your ego,
So you have an affair with mine.

Let it feed you with deception.
Because it seems that ignorance is the only thing that'll make you smile.

And when my infatuation becomes a threat to you,
Instead of initiating the game of russian roulette,
you just pick up the gun and shoot.

Taking me out of my misery, since you refuse to keep it company.
Pulling the evolvement from its roots.

When you begin to wonder what sparked your curiosity,
Take a look at the bruises I model
From every time that I've fought to leave.

Recollect the moments of peace and security,
And the incision of a bleeding heart left on your sleeve.

Come to your senses and sense that
I can love you to perfection,
Before you can even recognize what perfection is.

I could fulfill your wildest dream before you even realize where the inception is.

And if you decide to follow the light,
Make sure to remember how it feels.

Cause if the pain never sets in,
Then you'll know it wasn't real.
954 · Jan 2013
Black Ice.
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
So busy wrapped up in the way that the stars were glowing
that I couldn't possibly foresee the dark path before me.

Touched what I've never touched before, seen what I've never seen before.

So busy searching for a shooting star that I would never see
that I paid no attention to my blindside.
Naive to my inner demons
"Lolli gagging" through a field of dreams
blocking my bright eyes from my realities.
Dancing through  life as if I had nine lives.

Kept my mind angled in a way that could keep my fears at a far distance
Ears open but never listening.
So I soon became distracted with the way the moon seemed to call my name from a near distance.

Touched what I've never touched before seen what I've never seen before.

Snapped, crackled, and cringed into the real world.
Like a baby exiting the womb frightened by new sounds and new air.
927 · Dec 2012
You next to me.
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
I don't want anything ordinary.
I want an indisputable, unquestionable, irrefutable, and incontestable love.

I want to be above any ordinary relationship
without assumptions and arguments about who is she and what is this?

I don't want to have to doubt what we have and what we've made exist.
I  just wanna be happy that we've gotten this far.

I don't want to search and lurk for trouble.
I wanna look into your eyes and know that whatever our result is, it's **** sure worth it.
I don't want to be uncertain.

I want to know what trust is.

I want to know that this is where you choose to be under any circumstance and in any situation.
I want to be the number one choice.

But forget number one because theres no type of list.
Me. . . us, this is it.

I want you to forget about everyone of the past.
I want you to only feel this.
I want you to let go of the "was" and "had" and "loved" and let every word you speak be present tense.

I want this to be it.
I want you to live in the moment.
Every song I hear I can't think of anyone else to compare or relate to my emotions.

Not even if I tried,
because once you came into my life you activated my tunnel vision.
You stole my heart without permission.
And I'm not complaining.

As long as you're here to save it,
from any lack of contentment or lack of commitment cause its too weak to take it.
I want you to step into my shoes and look through my eyes.

I want to love you with a passionate aggression.
To feel mutual dependence and feel no need to seek another companion.  
For you are the only option.

For you are my main topic.
These poems would have no substance.
The base of each of my discussions.
I want a love that's never reluctant.

Beneficial without being unnecessarily public.
You next to me is a compliment.
I want you and I want this.
921 · Nov 2012
That Real.
Sajdah Baraka Nov 2012
I want you between my thighs. . .
But don’t take that explicitly.
I just want you near me.
Take it passionately. Take me passionately.
Hear me, whisper sweet nothings in your ear before you fall asleep.
Wake up to, a solid girl by your side.
Then, return to my thighs because my body missed you.
I want to be underneath you. . .
And take that how you want it.
Take me how you want me.
Consider yourself lucky.
Trust me I never was too comfortable with trusting.
But your drive and your grind, it rushed me.
And as you ****** me, trust me.
I feel uncontrollably blissful, and undeniably lucky.
I want you inside me. . .
Take that mentally, verbally, physically.
I don’t know how else to express it.
I’m handing you my body on a silver platter.
Caress it.
My mind, profess it.  And even when it gets hectic
Love me, like you’re restless.
889 · Jan 2013
Rise.
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
Exposed. Unclosed
Unused and disposed.
In an attempt to be attached,
I was detached and let go.
In search for affection
It became an infection.
Made the choice to walk my own path
With no sense of direction.
A woman of progression.
A girl of aggression.
Constant presence of a hole, never quit whole.
House was never home.
Never felt "with company"
But never left alone.
Refutation of becoming a clone.
Reputation of being a *****.
But what's the perfect woman?
Without an imperfect glitch?
Torn, never stitched.
Never fixed.
But never cry.
Not too many hellos.
Way too many goodbyes.
Once I filled myself with pride. .
Never felt more alive.
To begin the life I wanted to live,
I first had to die.
Try to understand, interpret just who I am.
All the places which I have fallen
Have led me to where I stand.
858 · Feb 2013
Return Home.
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
I miss you.

Your brawny arms,
and the way they'd firmly hold me.

Those honest starry eyes,
and their ability to burn holes through me.

Your flawlessly gentle lips,
and the way they felt like cashmere connecting to my own.

The warmth of your body,
in my bed.

I miss,
the ignorance of being alone.

Our legs
weaved between each others bodies as we slumber.

You,
bogarting the chill of the night.
Using your own toes
to defrost mine.

Appointing your chest the role,
To stand in as my personalized pillow.

And more than anything,
I miss waking up happy.

Your influential mind, your godly presence, and your virtuous company.
Could you please return them back to me.
858 · Mar 2013
the uknown.
Sajdah Baraka Mar 2013
Why does my body ignore what my mind says?
It seems you’ve rented the space up there and took control of my senses.
I’m defenseless.
I wonder how it feels to know the meaning of your very own hearts existence.
But why does my heart disregard my thoughts of you,
And dismiss your resistance?

I would hate to mistake love with a phase of contentment.
Would hate to mistake a blessing with an illness,
Only prescribed to your prescription,
With no sign of resilience.

Why do your actions contradict everything that you claim to me?
My heart beats fast and slow at the same time,
Every time I look into the eyes of the man that you claim to be.
Is it best that I leave?
What are you saying to me?

I never thought that my destruction
would be caused by a refutation to love lazily.

Why can’t I withstand the urge to cower from your affection?
Preparing to be submerged by a wave of your rejection.
I would hate to just become another one of your hearts lessons.
This recurring drain of energy that you withdraw from me,
Has proven detrimental to my soul’s projection.

I wonder how it feels to know that I love you with no exceptions.
And I wonder how it'll feel if we realize we've bypassed perfection.
812 · Jan 2013
More about nothing
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
The nerve of me.
To let my fascinations take a hold of me.
To let passion take control of me.
And to put all selfishness below me.

How dare I
how dare i stand down my guards
Pledge my commitment and forfeit my heart.
Deny all thoughts of resentment
And consistently give my all.

How could I.
Mistake this for truth.
Remain patient and follow suit.
Invite in such a vibrant connection without sufficient proof.
Invade such a strength filled heart and forget to take the loot.
Because ****. . .

I'm stripped of every thought I once thought that I knew.
Forced to be renewed.
Forced to stand alone, when all I've known is standing as two.
Left to wonder, what the **** do I do.
709 · May 2013
On a lighter note
Sajdah Baraka May 2013
Maybe the distortion of this portrait will create an even more captivating picture than viewed before.

The difference in the pigment of pixels may provoke a deeper message,
triggering currents of the subconscious to bring beauty of illustrious moments ashore.

Perchance an installation of last minute alterations won't lead to abdication but rather depict a trail of a beneficial journey embarked.  

It'll be titled. . . "Matters of the Heart"
An abstract image of two roads diverged apart.
And when viewed from different angles, it's comeliness is untangled.
Conveying new meanings of art.
682 · Jan 2013
Beast.
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
Yesterday, my nightmare was staring me in the face.
And I had no place to flee.
It had me cornered.
It had me shook and shocked.
My legs shook, knees knocked.
I'd back up, it'd move forward.
My thoughts were all out of order.
I didn't know how to react to my deepest fear.
Nor did I have any time to prepare.
But that's usually how it plays out isn't it.
And the more confused and frightened I appeared
It seemed to play off my ignorance.
It taunted me and still haunts me.
Because I know it'll come back someday.
Maybe soon.
Maybe not.
And that's the worst part.
Like a thief in the night it snatches me up.
Covers my mouth.
Pain in my gut.
And just like that I'm stuck.
I have no control over this force, this pressure, this beast.
Its too painful to look it in the face
And see the reflection of me.
644 · Apr 2013
52412
Sajdah Baraka Apr 2013
I told him I loved him.
Even though it was clear that he couldn't hear me.
I told him in the dark so that it would be impossible for him to see me.
I asked him if he felt the same way with my eyes closed.
So that just in case he said no,
I wouldn't have to witness his lips speak the word.
I asked him if he needed me.
And even though I knew it wasn't so,
I was curious as to if he would say yes to amuse me.
To soothe me.
I told him I loved him in the dark with my eyes closed,
So that if his ****** expression rearranged to one of confusion,
I could revert from the pain and paint an illusion behind my eyelids
Of a tropical island
Where it was just us.
I asked him when I'm not around does he feel that something's missing.
And as I realized the fact that he still wasnt speaking back,
That I had been falling while he was merely slipping.
But I admittedly take the blame for the cause of all this pain,
Because you never think to ask permission.
Yet, he stole something so dear to me without a scolding.
My heart was now in his possession and my heart he'd been molding.
So I had to let him know my love for him was pure,
And still I'm not sure that he knows it.
I then opened my eyes as he stood there frozen,
I came to the light and that's when I told him,
** I want my heart back.
631 · Dec 2012
Untitled
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
Sometimes I can't stand
to be around this man.
And I know that might confuse my audience. Because I've expressed plenty of times, just how much I care for him.

However,
the depth of my infatuation happens to frighten me.

I guess because I'm fully aware of how quickly he could leave me.
And just how deeply it would strike me.

Still,
I try not to let these thoughts consume me.
But it's easier said then done when the past haunts me with its specific pattern.

Makes me wonder what makes this round different,
And when exactly did I begin to matter.
Then I hesitate when he asks what's the matter.

Because I'm afraid to speak these fears into existence.
I would hate for him to look at me different.
For him to label me as needy,  god forbid he label me insecure.

So I keep my mouth shut. And keep my heart secure.

It's bizarre cause I've never trusted someone as much as him.
But I don't trust him at all.

Still I give him chances to convince me.
So maybe I'm just in denial.

And I pray to god that if worst comes to worst.
My heart will break my fall.

Perhaps crumble to pieces.

Because if he don't want it.

I **** sure don't need it.
628 · Apr 2013
Pretty Wings
Sajdah Baraka Apr 2013
We listened to Maxwell
as the sun fell,
And the days swayed into nights.
Letting the rhythm of the music
Speak to one another
Allowing our minds to take flight.
Connecting without speaking,
Sharing dreams without revealing.
Somehow letting the sound intertwine with our sight.
Those days transitioned into hours.
And those hours disbursed into just nights.
Sleeping so close,
But dreaming so far apart.
Yet we bound our bodies tight.
Meanwhile,
the clock was stealing our time.
Our days together were wearing out.
Our future becoming a blurry sight.

Tonight I listened to Maxwell,
As the moon spilled,
In through my blinds, bringing the music into light.
Never has a song brought relief
to tears so heavy.
As my pretty wings brought me to life.
601 · Jan 2013
I digress.
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
No one can hurt you like the one you've cared  for the most.

They told me I'd be foolish to let this fool get a chance to hurt me again.
But I happily stood to take a toast.

Ready to commit and leave all fear and regrets,
But there is nothing worse than for a man to feel the fear of being close.

Hold on, here comes that pain in my chest.
It's the same one I felt months ago.
How dare he leave me high dry and to be ghost.

But I digress. . .
here comes the pain in my chest.
It's left a hole that can't seem to be closed.
I'm drowning in my own clothes, I feel a mess.
I am a mess.
But I digress.

There's a pain in my chest.
And I can tell its decided to dwell here for a while.
I force every smile.
If I do. .
And you'd expect me to be through but I haven't even touched that phase quite yet.
My hearts in debt.
And until this bill is paid off,
Im restrained from taking my next step.

But this bill I accept. . .
I wrote the checks!
I bent over backwards and strained my neck.
I placed myself here.
Yet I don't feel an ounce of regret.

I'm hurt. I may be perfectly placed on the outside.
But burnt down inside.
But with every jump I took through each hurdle I faced.
It was evident that I tried.
And it felt so **** good.

Regardless these feelings shall forever leave their mark.
Even if we never do.
And even when this ache is absent,
We can never be "overdue".
583 · Apr 2013
He's Not You
Sajdah Baraka Apr 2013
He could be good for me.
But he acts just like you,

Well not like you.
Cause to be you is impossible to do.
But your dialect is similar
and there's something about his humor.

He could've had a chance,
If only he'd made it to me sooner.

So ******* for being perfect
And ******* for leaving.
I see no sense in searching now
Cause Im left with nothing to believe in.

The strength of your memory lives comfortably in my head.
Steady throughout the seasons.
And my friends don't  bother to ask my why,
Cause I've drunkenly plead a thousand reasons.

He could be good for me.
But he reminds me of you,
Just not quite as perfected.

There's been many to step up to the plate.
An many have been rejected.

Cause their presence isn't as magic as yours.
And theres never a sign of a connection.

No mans touch is joined with comfort.
Passion is non existent.
No love welcomed.

And it don't matter how much they tell me they "love" me.
Cause something's always missing.
I don't feel that tingle in my tummy.
And I don't get those feelings.

He could've been good for me,
But he's not you.

And that makes all the difference.
573 · Feb 2013
If I Could Go
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
If I could go.

I wonder if I actually would.
The anticipation that dances through my veins may be confronted with fear when my moment finally appears.

If I could go,
I’d jump.
Expecting to never hit the ground,
Expecting to soar higher than the clouds can float and be lighter than the weight of sound.
Heaven bound.

If I could go. . .
I’d let my heart take the lead of me
Lead me into the jungle of uncertainties.
And use it as my sword cutting through the tyranny of my enemies.
Shielding me with dignity.
Conquering all conspiracies.

If I could go.
I’d hope to take with me every misfortune I’d previously encountered.
Every anchor that I’ve accidentally let drag me into a river of stabilization
And have unwilling empowered.
The morals and blessings that have followed them
And the wisdom of which I was then showered.

If I could go,
You’d catch me running herculean towards my core.
You’d hear my heart pounding ferociously like African drums
Feet banging the concrete like the crackles of thunder.
Breathe rapid and heavy as I move fiercely like a panther through the dark.
Leaving behind only my tracks and my roar.

My desire to be free and sole would burn behind me and linger in the air potently.

If I could go,
If I could go,
If only.
567 · Feb 2013
A different you
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
No matter what phases we go through
I'll remain loving the inner you.

The you that you're proud of.
The you that maybe sometimes you don't recognize.
The you that I see through my heart
Despite my eyes falling upon your best disguise.

I know better.
So do you.
So do better.

And i promise to do better too.

You influence change in my heart and mind.
Submerging my deeper side
Allowing me to realize
My self worth.
And though it may hurt,
I'll always remaining loving the inner you.

The you that captures the inner me.
But not only capturing but enhancing.
Multiplying, perfecting.
The you that will never face my rejection.
The you that can change the world.
The you that can change the weather.
The you that carries a bountiful presence.
The you that has the power to leave a mark forever.
The you that I have fallen deeply in admiration for.
The you that I've found closer to the core.

The you that our companionship
has never quite met before.
551 · Jan 2013
Untitled
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
When I was little I was programmed to believe I would know all that I need by "our first kiss"
That even a frog could become a prince.
And Snow White could come back to life, by the touch of the right mans lips.
And though Im not quite looking for a fairy tale prince.
I still want to be treated like a princess.
I know it may sound petty or cliché,
But at the end of the day. .
It can be the determining factor of how I feel.
I want to wrap my arms around you and kick up my heel.
Stand up on my tippy toes.
Nose to nose.
And show you exactly how I feel.
When words aren't enough.
Nothing can fill me up, like the touch of his lips.
Sending pure bliss throughout my body.
He kisses me like its his hobby.
Whenever he walks out the door.
And again when he walks back in.
Sends chills up. .and back down my spine.
Like its the first time, every time.
He plants his kiss.

Ill open my eyes and look into his.
And without even thinking about it, I'll know all that I need to know.
From the very first kiss.
537 · Feb 2013
Read between the lines
Sajdah Baraka Feb 2013
You have GOT to read betweeeen the lines.

Destinies can sometimes be sublime.
Not everything gets better with time.
The pain may never recline.
But it's not how we fall
But how we get up that we decide.

We may never know when or why.
So keep your ears open and eyes wide. . .
Be AWARE of the signs,
Realize real eyes.
And realize where the real lies.

Can't call it gold just cause it shines.

It seems like when it comes to love and trust.
The blind is leading the blind.
But the wisest man knows that he knows nothing at all.
And what we think we know,
has been assigned.
And as we continue to walk this path called life,
It's amazing what we'll find.
Full of give and take, love and hate,
Heaven and hell combined.

What good is the strength in your voice,
If it is absent from the mind?
So I ask myself,
To what use am I, if I was to remain undefined?
You see,
A tragedy can be a blessing.
As you allow the chips to fall,
they shall align. .

Just don't let the beautiful cover fool you.

You have GOT to reaaad between the lines.
519 · Jan 2013
Fool's Gold
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
I bet you think it's so easy. The way you effortlessly get up and leave me.
And as soon as you start to feel a quint sense of distance, you hurry back.
But it's never been because you need me.
Just got to get back to where it's easy.
The place where you've always got a space when you need it.
It's relieving.
Am I fool to believe that everything happens for a reason?
To put my faith before my ego?
To love unconditionally past all trickery and treason?
Am I fool not to question why I remain committed to these acts of benevolence?
Numbly tolerant to the childish belligerence.
Numb to the stabs from daggers that are sent to me through negligence.
Am I fool to believe actions speak louder than words?

I remain silent as these actions scream to me louder than any words I think I've ever heard.
501 · Nov 2012
Stop the clock
Sajdah Baraka Nov 2012
It's that **** clock on my wall. . .

It speaks to me intensely as if repeating the things it's seen.
Reminding me with every tick that I've been tricked and every tock obscenely crushing my fairy tale  dreams.
Reminding me that I'm sitting in this room alone.
Left with nothing but this tick, followed by this tock. Telling me that it's the only thing I can depend on. The hands of my clock.
485 · Dec 2012
In this alone.
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
I can't decipher the real from fake these days.
I can't part ways with the days I spent in haze amazed by the way he made me feel.
What's real?
I can't escape this doubtful state of mind.
Because every time I trust that you're fully committed I feel you becoming timid and I try to back away in time.
Trying to convince myself that in due time you'll come around.
But will it be real?
If you don't love me by now I doubt that you ever will.
So who are you trying to fool?
Me or yourself?
Or are you just flowing through the motions trying to fill the emptiness that she's left you with?
Does that mean you're using me?
You don't care to mend my heart, you're selfishly repairing yours through me.
Abusing me.
For your own good, but it's never good enough is it?
I can feel it.
When you turn your back against me instead of holding me I can sense it.
You're in love with your past and I simply can't take it.
I'm begging you not to put me through this pain.
I can't bear to feel the ground shake beneath my legs.
Again.
Nothing felt realer than the impulse of your absence.
The crude deliverance of your actions.
What's real?
You make me feel incredible.
You make me feel invinsible.
You make me believe this connection is inevitable.
And that nothing, and I mean nothing is realer.
But is it real?
Or am I in this alone?
483 · Jan 2013
Last love poem.
Sajdah Baraka Jan 2013
You see,
I ran out of flower petals about a week ago.
I received the saddest letter of my life that same day.

The end absent of x's or o's.

I can't stand the sight of Cheerios,
because those were his favorite.
And I can't bring myself to throw his old box away.
I guess I'll just save it.

Let it sit on top of the fridge.

My mind won't let him go.
And everything I wear to bed is his.

The possibility of him coming back,
Prevents me from moving forward.
And I swear if I could,
I would rewind time.

And make love to him a little slower.

I wish his mind came equipped with subtitles.
Or instructions on exactly how to love him.

I cared for him, I shared with him, and I adored him.

Exactly in that order.

I still wish that I was it for him.
My heart fit for his.
I wish that he had never stopped loving me.
But I heard that love has no past tense,
So I suppose he never did.
417 · Dec 2012
Lean back
Sajdah Baraka Dec 2012
Call me selfish, cause I can be that. But when it comes to you and your time ill admit that I'm needy, I need that. Your mind is divine, your heart is pure and I can see that. I'm here to hold it down. Go a thousand rounds, with no complaints. Believe that. im willing to put you first even when it hurts. Your other half I can be that. Lets paint a serene scene with only you and me. And then lets exceed that. My wildest dreams you made them reality and I've never forgotten. Nor will I ever. Accompany you in every endeavor. Have your back and hold you down. So baby just lean back...
362 · Nov 2012
Get closer
Sajdah Baraka Nov 2012
I think I love him.
But I may be wrong.
But something about the way my emotions alternate
Has me thinking that I'm right.
So uncontrollably these emotions take flight

And even when I'm distraught by his ways,
My heart defies my mind.
Placing me back in the same situation.
No knowledge of time,
yet for some reason I'm enjoying it. . .
I think it's his essence.

So bright my heart burns for his.
So deeply my mind yearns for his.
I wrap up in my sheets close my eyes
and reminisce on his presence.

His design is excellent
So defined and developed
It draws me in and me, without hesitation
Get closer

I think I love him.
But I may be wrong.
But something about the way I can't resist this force
Makes me believe that I'm right
I'm ready to take flight
Get closer.
214 · Sep 2019
Creative Collaborator
Sajdah Baraka Sep 2019
Capture me underneath the sunset.
Straw hat in hand, smile genuine.
Painted across my cheeks.
Paint me deep,
BLUE.
A darker hue.
Anything but bleak.
I became obsolete when I began to think
that this picture could never be painted.
My visualization became tainted.
But whenever I'm the artist my image
has the potential to be beautiful.
But my beauty bounces off the walls of a cubicle.
I need a creative collaborator.
7/3/2018
154 · Sep 2019
4B2
Sajdah Baraka Sep 2019
4B2
The peacefulness that sweeps your eyelids is priceless
It’s beautiful the way you move unconsciously
And excuse me for being heedful but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an angel before
It’s just the sight of you is striking to me
And actually I’ve never felt so close to anything that I could physically touch
The sentiment is Godly
Your body lies down my hearts horizon I’ve brightened.
I’m thankful you’ve given me a safe place to lay my devotion
My emotions are untangling in involuntary motion
I’m open To pain To the aching To the possible disappointments
But where I reside the address is cloud 9 And I’m floating
Going nowhere fast, I’m enjoying my view Coasting
I’ve heard that patience is a virtue And so I’m learning
The other night in a moment of silence I realized the blessings I’d been earning
It put fear in my heart

— The End —